The Gender Exchange Anecdote
by Mooka333
Summary: Let's switch gender roles here and see what happens! Shelby and Lenore meet their intriguing new neighbor, Penn - our favorite quirks but from a whole different angle. This is definitely Shenny, or should I say Shenn? Back from hiatus, and the story is almost completed! Gets a little spicy, so M for safety's sake :)
1. Chapter 1

***** After a really long hiatus - this story is back! I wrote it for my sister and I'm pleased to share it with everyone :) It's a big departure from my other stories here on FFN, but when my biggest fan asks for a specific story, I must deliver! Just a warning - this gets pretty fluffy :)**

**I OWN NOTHING AND I KNOW IT! *****

"Looks like we have a new neighbor," Lenore said, indicating the stacks of boxes in the apartment foyer. Shelby stood up straighter and felt her hands involuntarily twitch on the shoulder strap of her messenger bag, as she took in the array of bags, boxes and partially wrapped furniture.

"I don't see any musical instruments, children's toys, or animal items. What a relief," Shelby said, her blue eyes fixed on the sloppy handwriting on the side of the nearest box. The filthy tape holding the box together was barely hanging on any longer and she absent-mindedly reached a hand out towards it, wanting to smooth it out. Lenore slapped her hand gently.

"Shelby! Don't touch the boxes, this isn't our stuff!" Lenore's voice was softly irritated, like it would be if you were trying to explain something to an obstinate five year old.

Shelby waggled her hands helplessly at the box before speaking, "Just look at this, Lenore! Good lord, how can anyone move their belongings safely using a filthy box and what appears to be re-used packing tape?" Lenore huffed out a breath, blowing a brown curl off her forehead, before holding her arm out towards the staircase.

"Shelby, go. It's not your problem." Shelby pressed her lips together before starting up the staircase, casting horrified and wistful glances over her shoulder until the foyer was out of view.

_If I brought down some gloves, a new roll of tape and some labels, I could easily take care of that_, she thought, already imagining the ordered, tidy outcome. She felt Lenore's eyes burning a hole into her head and turned to meet them.

"Shelby."

"Yes, Lenore?" Lenore's brown eyes were bright and narrowed behind the slightly smudged lenses of her thick, black glasses.

"Don't even think about going back down there." Shelby narrowed her eyes right back at her roommate.

"When the world descends into anarchy, just remember that I always fought on the side of right."

"Shelby, come on! Some dirty tape and mashed up boxes are not going to result in the end of the world!" Lenore whined plaintively. By this point they were heading up the last set of steps leading to their apartment. Shelby rolled her eyes at her small friend and readjusted her grip on the bag of Indian take-out in her hand, the smells wafting from it reminding her how close to lunch it was. As they crossed from the stairs to their doorway, they both tried to take surreptitious peeks over their shoulders, attempting to catch a glimpse of their new neighbor.

Shelby stared first at the mess and chaos she could see in the apartment across the hall, through it's wide open door, and then at what had to be her new neighbour. Lenore had been struck dumb and was walking, as if in a trance, towards 4B's door.

"Lenore," Shelby hissed in warning, "What are you doing?" Lenore turned back and shot a slightly stunned smile to Shelby before knocking lightly on the frame of the open doorway. Shelby clenched both hands around the take-out bag and stepped over beside her nearly melted-to-the-floor friend.

The man inside 4B was bent over a large box, ripping off the tape sealing it shut. When Lenore knocked he turned and noticed the two of them in the hall. His handsome face brightened with a smile

"Oh, hi," he said, his green eyes crinkling at the corners. Shelby found that she was only capable of staring dumbly. She prided herself on being above things like lust, sexual attraction, and 'crushes', but the sight of the tall, well-built, blond man in front of them had her heart hammering against her ribs.

"Hi," Lenore said, equally transfixed. The blond man's eyes darted to Shelby and she repeated Lenore's greeting, "Hi."

"Hi," Lenore said again, her skin flushing red from her forehead to the neckline on her t-shirt. The man smiled and Shelby found herself saying, "Hi" again.

"Hi?" The man said again, a laugh in his voice. Lenore seemed to get a little control over her mental faculties again and stammered, "We don't mean to interrupt, we live across the hall." Their neighbor nodded and smiled, as if finally understanding something.

"Oh, that's nice," he said, his voice pleasant. Shelby shot a look down at her short friend, wondering if she had caught his tone. _He thinks Lenore and I are in a relationship togethe_r, she thought, trying to mentally send the signal to her roommate. Luckily, Lenore seemed to catch on to this notion and managed to sputter out, "Oh, w..., a..., w..., we don't live together, we... We live together, but in, separate, heterosexual bedrooms."

The man smiled again and chuckled a bit, dipping his head in acknowledgement. Shelby felt nearly hypnotized by the contrast of the man's lightly sun-kissed skin and his white teeth. She was barely able to keep the friendly, 'normal' smile on her face as she drank in all the details of her new neighbor's appearance.

"Oh, OK, guess I'm your new neighbor. Penn." He smiled at them both, his eyes moving from face to face. Shelby felt her toes curl against the inside of her sneakers at the brief contact, her eyes shifting uneasily away from Penn's direct eye contact.

"Uh, Lenore," Lenore said, pointing at herself. She half-turned to her tall friend and waved a hand in Shelby's direction before saying, "Shelby."

"Hi," Penn said, smiling and nodding at them.

"Hi," Lenore answered, her voice still dazed.

"Hi," Shelby added, feeling ridiculous. _Where has my brain gone? S_he thought in distress.

"Hi," Penn said, his smile turning into a confused smirk, his dark blonde eyebrows drawing together a little. Lenore seemed as lost in Penn's face as Shelby was and squeaked out another, "Hi." They were all quiet for a moment, the awkwardness growing so palpable that even Shelby was aware of it, and she had been repeatedly told that she was completely oblivious to what constituted normal social interactions.

"Well, uh, oh, welcome to the building," Lenore managed to say, her face flaming red. Shelby was trying to edge backwards, hoping that Penn wouldn't notice. Her skin felt like it was tingling everywhere and she knew that she had to get away from this encounter before she did something strange, like laugh hysterically or blurt out unwanted advice regarding the filthy tape on the boxes in the foyer downstairs. Pointing out other's differences and errors was something that Lenore, and her mother, had repeatedly told her was rude in the extreme, although she personally didn't see why. How else were they to learn what they were doing was wrong and improve themselves?

Penn nodded, with a warm smile, "Thank you, maybe we can have coffee sometime." Shelby saw Lenore sway on her feet and had to fight the urge to roll her eyes at her friend's obviousness.

"Oh, great!" Lenore chirped, as if Penn had announced that she and he should go on a Caribbean vacation.

Penn slapped his hands casually against the side of his thighs before smiling at the two of them again and saying, "Great." Shelby felt like she was stuck in some kind of social vacuum, all comfort sucked out of the situation. She was almost able to feel the passing of each strained second tick against her face, so she was barely aware of herself when she repeated what Penn said in a soft voice, "Great."

Penn smiled at her and Shelby held his green-eyed gaze for a second before sliding her eyes away in embarrassment. Lenore looked between the two of them for a second before lightly clapping her hands together in front of herself.

"Great," Lenore said again. Penn looked back at her and raised his eyebrows and there was a beat or two of silence, before Lenore seemed to catch the unspoken hint and stammered, "Well, uh, bye."

Penn smiled at them both and moved towards his open door, putting a hand on it.

"Bye," he said, his voice not unfriendly. His eyes darted up to Shelby's again, his smile getting a little bigger and she started before managing to choke out a civil, "Bye."

"Bye!" Lenore said, her voice too high. Penn nodded briefly at her, smiled at them both and then closed his door.

Lenore turned to stare at Shelby, her eyes glazed and wide. Shelby recoiled a little from the hungry expression on her friends face.

"Oh my god, Shelby," Lenore said, nearly hyperventilating. She spun on her heel and trotted to the door to their apartment, 4A, plunging the key into the lock and yanking the door open. Lenore stepped inside and turned back to her roommate, who stood in the hall watching Lenore uneasily.

"Get _in_, Shelby," she said impatiently. Shelby cast one last confused look back at Penn's door and then darted into her apartment and shut the door a little harder than necessary. She dropped her keys in the dish by the door and then walked quickly to the kitchen to put the take-out on the kitchen island.

Her heart was still beating loudly and heavily, she could feel it and hear it in her ears. Resting a hand on the plastic take-out bag, she focused on breathing, trying to calm her heart and to talk some sense into herself.

_He's just a man, Shelby, get a hold of yourself_, she thought to herself sternly, _a very attractive man. A wonderful specimen of a man. But still just a man_. Her mental eye roved over Penn's face, his broad shoulders, the muscles in his arms beneath the pale blue t-shirt he'd been wearing. The shape of his behind in his jeans...

"Shelby!" Lenore shouted at her from the couch and Shelby spun around, her eyes wide.

"What? Why are you shouting, Lenore? I'm right here," Shelby said, indignantly. Lenore's eyebrows came together and she said, "Obviously you're not, I was talking to you and you didn't hear me."

Shelby swallowed and removed her beige windbreaker, forcing herself to move normally as she hung it up on the pegs by the door.

"I rarely listen to you, Lenore," she said, her voice settling into it's normal pattern of condescension and mild impatience. Lenore huffed from her seat, crossing her arms over her hoodie and leaning against the leather cushion on the back of the couch.

"Whatever, Shelby. I was saying, why don't we invite Penn over to share lunch with us? We have all that take-out food." Shelby moved over to her computer chair and sat down, one dark eyebrow quirking up over a blue eye.

"Why on Earth would we want to do that?" She said incredulously. Lenore rolled her eyes and gestured at the closed door, in the direction of 4A.

"He's new to the building and we should be neighborly." Lenore was still slightly red from their encounter minutes ago, but she had a sappy smile on her face. Shelby shifted uncomfortably on the wheeled chair, picking at a non-existent fuzz on the sleeve of her t-shirt.

"We already made our introduction, I think we've fulfilled whatever 'neighborly' obligation we may have had." Shelby had just managed to calm her heart rate and get ahold of her frazzled mind, and was not relishing the idea of becoming a giddy girl again in the presence of their neighbor. Lenore leapt up from the couch and moved towards their door, placing a hand on the doorknob.

"I'm going to ask him," she said defiantly, "And we're going to have a lovely time." Yanking the door open, Lenore marched into the hallway with purpose and Shelby ran her hands through her hair, trying to decide if she should seek refuge in her bedroom or attempt to hold her own out here. When she heard Penn's voice greeting Lenore out in the hall, she rose to her feet and found herself walking out into the hallway to join them without knowing exactly why.


	2. Chapter 2

**Enjoy! TBBT is not mine :)**

Lenore cast a glance back at her roommate before knocking lightly on the door to 4B. Penn opened it and smiled down at her before looking past her to Shelby, who stood, ill-at-ease, in the hall behind her roommate, her hands clasped behind her back.

"Hi. Again!" He said, opening the door wider.

"Hi," Lenore replied eagerly, her face red and her eyes wide.

"Hi," Shelby repeated, raising a hand in a quick wave. She snatched her hand back to her side, almost as quickly as it had popped up, feeling the awkwardness growing by the second. Penn laughed lightly and waved back, saying, "Hi!"

Lenore licked her lips and gestured back at their apartment, "Anyway, um... We brought home Indian food and, um, I know that moving can be stressful." Penn raised his eyebrows and nodded slowly. Lenore glanced back to Shelby, who gave her a sharp look and pressed her lips together tightly in discomfort.

Lenore looked hopefully back up at Penn and continued, "Well... I find that when I'm undergoing stress, that good food and company can have a comforting effect." Penn nodded again, his smile growing larger. He looked up at Shelby, as if trying to include her in his mirth, but she quickly turned her gaze down to stare fixedly at her shoes.

Lenore cleared her throat and went on, "Also, curry is a natural laxative, and I don't have to tell you that, uh, a clean colon is just one less thing to worry about!" Penn's gaze moved back to Lenore's beet-red face in amazement. Shelby made a strangled noise in her throat and took a short, halting step towards her roommate, her hand going up as if to grab Lenore's shoulder, but pausing mid-air and dropping back to her side again.

"Lenore!" Shelby cried in alarm. Penn's green eyes and Lenore's bright brown eyes turned to meet her own shocked blue ones. Shelby licked her lips and clasped her hands together again behind her back, trying to calm herself and make up for her embarrassingly emotional cry. "I'm no expert here, but I believe in the context of a luncheon invitation, you might want to skip the reference to bowel movements!" She couldn't stop her voice from rising a bit at the end of her statement, resisting the urge to strangle her roommate for saying something that even she, Shelby Cooper, knew was beyond inappropriate.

Penn smiled at Shelby and said, "Oh, ok." He turned to Lenore and said, "You're inviting me to come over and eat lunch with you?" Lenore nodded and mumbled, "Yes", at the same time that Shelby loudly said, "Yes, I believe that was the intent." Penn laughed and stepped through his doorway, causing Lenore to stumble a couple steps backward and tromp down on one of Shelby's feet. As Penn turned to lock his door, Shelby pushed Lenore off her foot and Lenore shot her a dirty look, swatting Shelby's hands off of her shoulder. They both stopped shoving each other, hands instantly dropping to their sides, when Penn turned around.

"That sounds great, thanks." Both women smiled at him and they turned to walk back into their apartment, Lenore pushing Shelby on ahead of her. Ignoring the impulse to shove her roommate back, Shelby walked swiftly into the kitchen to begin doling out the food. Behind her she heard Penn ask casually, "So what do you ladies do for fun around here?" Lenore giggled insipidly at his calling them 'ladies' and Shelby rolled her eyes, glad her back was turned so that neither of them could see her face.

"Oh, you know, the usual stuff, hang out with our friends, work occasionally, and go out to movies and parties." Lenore's voice sounded strange to Shelby, as she was clearly affecting an air of someone far different than they actually were. Shelby couldn't help herself; she turned around with a disbelieving look on her face.

"Since when do we ever go to parties?" She asked, her voice incredulous. Penn chuckled and walked past Lenore as she sputtered, trying to come up with something. Glaring hard at her roommate behind Penn's back, Lenore answered defensively.

"We go to parties! We went to that fundraiser last year, and Hailey's birthday a few weeks ago!"

"A fundraiser at the university is not a party, and Hailey's birthday consisted of an uncomfortable dinner with her mother, and three hours of grainy home videos of Hailey as a child." Lenore made a face at Shelby before turning to the sound of Penn's voice. He was standing in front of Shelby's whiteboard, which was covered in equations, "Wow, this is some pretty complex stuff. Is this yours, Lenore?"

Before Lenore could answer, Shelby walked the couple steps over to stand next to her board, prepared to grab it and run back to her room with it if Penn made fun of it or, worse, tried to touch it.

"Actually, that's my work," she said, looking quickly up into Penn's face. He smiled at her and nodded at the board, clearly impressed. "That's amazing." He studied her face for a moment and she couldn't help but smile a little back at him, catching and holding his clear, green eyes. He nodded back at the board and continued, "So... you're like one of those, beautiful mind, genius people?" Shelby nodded back, her smile growing larger. A beautiful mind! That he recognized this in her made her stomach flip-flop lazily, in a pleasant way.

Lenore cut in from behind, placing a hand on Penn's arm, grabbing his attention.

"I have a board, too!" She said, tugging lightly on his arm, pulling him towards her board on the other side of the room. "This is my board!" She cried, her pride evident. Penn nodded at the busy board, smiling and shaking his head slightly.

"Wow, you ladies are something else. This is amazing!" Shelby resisted the urge to toss her shoe at Lenore and went back into the kitchen, grabbing a plate, and walking it over to Penn. He took it from her with a nod of thanks before heading towards the couch. Shelby and Lenore each grabbed a plate of food and turned back to see Penn lowering himself onto the couch, on the side furthest from the door.

Shelby made a slight coughing noise and pressed her lips together, her eyebrows drawing down in concern. Penn looked up at her and she waved a hand at where he was sitting.

"Um, Penn, that's where I sit," she said, her voice firm, though her mind was screaming in frustration at her own obstinacy. Penn tilted his head to one side and gave her a wonderful (_is that flirtatious?_) smile, patting the cushion next to himself.

"So, sit next to me," he said. Shelby licked her lips and looked down at her plate of food before looking back at his curious eyes. _I might as well get it all out at once_, she thought ruefully.

"No, I sit there," she said, her long, elegant, fingers tapping against the underside of her plate, the only display of nervousness she was showing. Penn blinked at her once, and obviously suppressed a laugh before responding, "What's the difference, Shelby?" Shelby wanted to flee to her room, but this was her seat and she needed to make that clear.

"What's the difference?" She repeated, slight resentment leaking into her voice. _How rude of him to question it,_ she thought indignantly, _I'll give him reasons!_

"Here we go," Lenore said under her breath. Penn glanced at Lenore for a second before looking back at Shelby. For her part, Shelby shot a glare at Lenore for attempting to make her look worse.

"In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer it's directly in the path of a cross breeze created by open windows there," she pointed at the large window to Penn's left, and then pointed behind herself, "And there. It faces the television at an angle that is neither so direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide as to create a parallax distortion." Shelby placed her hands lightly on her neck, demonstrating, before continuing in satisfaction, "I could go on, but I think I've made my point."

She shifted a little on her feet and weighed the look in Penn's eyes; internally wincing at the mockery she expected from him, that she expected from everyone when trying to explain her idiosyncrasies. _Why oh why couldn't I just let it go, just this one time_, she thought in frustration. Another voice in her head immediately shot back with, _because it's your spot!_

"Do you want me to move?" Penn finally said, not unkindly. Shelby felt herself sag with relief. _He understands_, she thought, _at least, he understands how important this is to me._

"Would you?"

"No problem," he said, winking at her. She smiled back at him weakly and waited until he shifted over one seat. Shelby walked over to her spot and settled on to the cushion, slightly unhappy that he had made the cushion warm by sitting there. She did not enjoy a warm seat. Lenore watched all this and rolled her eyes. She came and sat on the other side of Penn, her face apologetic.

"Sorry about Shelby." Shelby glared over her plate at Lenore. Lenore smirked and turned her attention back to Penn. "I forget that not everyone has been fully trained up on the Crazy that is Shelby Cooper." Penn gave Lenore a half-smile and turned down to his food.

Shelby, at war with her routine-obsessed-self and her wow-this-man-is attractive-what-is-wrong-with-me-self, started to eat and purposefully focused only on her food.

Lenore spoke up, after eating a few bites of food, "We actually don't often have company over; I usually go out for socialization because it's hard to find any normalcy here!" She smiled at Penn, who glanced up at her in surprise. He turned back to Shelby, one eyebrow raised.

"Don't you two live together? Wouldn't that be considered socializing?" He asked. Shelby nodded, putting her fork down on her plate.

"I believe what my friend is attempting to do here, is denigrate me in front of you, so as to sway your opinion towards her," Shelby said, giving Lenore a level look before picking her fork back up again. Penn chuckled.

"Well, I've only just met you two, but I don't think you were trying to make your friend look bad on purpose, right Lenore?" Penn shot a handsome smile at Lenore who nearly slithered off her seat in pleasure. Lenore answered breathlessly, "I'm sorry, Shelby, that was not my intent!"

Shelby swallowed her bite of food and nodded at Lenore, mentally noting her friend's continuing pettiness when she wanted to impress other people. It was something Shelby was typically able to overlook, because she usually didn't care what anyone thought of her. But this green eyed stranger had thrown her mind into a tail-spin, and she didn't appreciate Lenore complicating her efforts to sort through these new, confusing feelings. She stood up and reached over to take Penn's empty plate to the sink as well as her own. He handed it to her, smiling gratefully.

"Thanks, Shelby," he said amiably, she nodded and walked over to the sink. A thought occurred to her on her way over and she spoke over her shoulder.

"You know that we are social, Lenore. Rajni and Hailey come over all the time!"

"I said I was sorry, Shelby."

"I resent you saying we don't have company," Shelby said, running the dishes under the sink for a moment before putting them into the dishwasher.

"I'm sorry," Lenore said again in a singsong voice, with exaggerated pleasantness.

"That is an antisocial implication," Shelby said, drying her hands off on a dishtowel.

"I said I'm sorry!" Lenore cried, irritated. Shelby turned around and saw Penn pressing his lips together, trying not to laugh at the exchange. _And that's what happens when you try and make me look stupid, Lenore,_ Shelby thought triumphantly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Enjoy! TBBT still isn't mine :)**

Shelby opened their fridge and withdrew three bottles of water. She handed them out at the couch and then sat down in her spot again. Lenore put her plate on the coffee table and turned sideways in her seat on the couch to look at Penn.

"So, Penn, now that we've exposed the inner workings of our roommate relationship, tell us about you." Lenore leaned her chin on her hands, with her elbows propped up on her knees. Penn smiled and adjusted a little in his seat, as well, before answering.

"Well, I'm from Omaha, Nebraska. I've been living in California for two years. I moved out here with my girlfriend. I just accepted a position as a bartender at that pub down the street, The Factory." Lenore nodded, her eyes darting away from Penn at the announcement of a girlfriend. Shelby was secretly thrilled, if Penn was otherwise spoken for, then their interactions with him would be limited, and she would not have to be such a bumbling, lecherous fool around him and risk exposing herself as some kind of hormonal teeny-bopper. She caught Lenore's eye and saw the disappointment written clearly on her roommate's face. _Great_, Shelby thought, _now she's going to act like she's been abandoned because of a one hour, unrequited crush._

Penn continued, though, his expression changing from casual storyteller to one of strained emotion. "She, ah, she cheated on me a couple weeks ago, though and we broke up." He cleared his throat and looked around the room, nodding his head a little as if to say he didn't mind that it had happened. Lenore and Shelby nodded at him and he suddenly got up, carrying his empty water bottle into the kitchen. His shoulders were hunched a little and he was muttering something to himself, as if he were reliving the break-up right now.

Shelby turned to Lenore, her eyes wide with confusion and concern and mouthed, "What's happening?" Lenore pressed her lips together and whispered, "Should I say something? I feel like I should say something." Shelby shook her head at her over-eager friend, "You? No, you'll only make it worse."

They heard Penn chuckle and saw that he had turned around and was sitting on one of the stools at the island, his face distracted; clearly the chuckle was not at their exchange, but at whatever memory he was reliving in his head.

"You know what the worst part is? I feel guilty for breaking it off, isn't that crazy?" Shelby was uncomfortable, not because Penn was relaying something personal to them (which usually made her extremely uncomfortable), but because she had no idea how to react to this situation, having no practical experience herself.

"Yes." Shelby heard Lenore answer, nodding her head at Penn. Shelby gaped at her and looked over at Penn, who now looked truly upset. Lenore seemed to suddenly realize that the question was rhetorical and that her eagerness to impress Penn had shown she didn't really understand what he was saying at all. Lenore's mouth opened and closed a few times as she tried to eat her words and answer with something to smooth it over. Her eyes darted anxiously over to Shelby, who suddenly sat up straight, understanding that she would have to fix the awkward moment.

Shelby hastily back-tracked, waving her hand in the air briefly, as if to brush away what Lenore had just said. "No, it's not crazy, Penn, it's a paradox. Paradoxes are part of nature." Shelby explained calmly.

Penn looked stunned but nodded at her, so she continued on, "Think about light. Now if you look at Huygens, light is a wave, as confirmed by the double slit experiments. But then, Albert Einstein discovers that light behaves like particles too." Lenore was nodding encouragingly at Penn by the time Shelby was finished, but he stared blankly back at them before bursting into laughter and shaking his head at her. Shelby turned to Lenore and muttered, "Well, I didn't make it worse."

Penn chuckled again and came to sit between the two of them. "Thanks for the advice, ladies." He grinned broadly first at Shelby, and then Lenore, before leaning back a little bit and stretching both arms across the back of the couch. Shelby couldn't stop her nose from crinkling against the smell of his sweat and body odor, when he lifted his arms up like that. She tried to squash herself as far from his armpits and outstretched arms as she possibly could.

It wasn't that she didn't understand that moving was hard work that generally would make any person sweaty and dirty, it was just that she didn't like other peoples' dirt or sweat, no matter the reason. Penn caught her facial expression and smiled ruefully, slowly sliding his arms back down. Lenore shot yet another irritated look at her friend, but Shelby could only avoid his eye contact, inwardly embarrassed that she had made him embarrassed, but not wanting either of them to know that she cared what he felt.

Penn laughed, his face apologetic, "Oh, I'm sorry! I'm such a mess, and on top of everything else I'm a little ripe from moving and my stupid shower doesn't even work." Lenore nodded understandingly and stood up. She pointed down the hallway that led to the bathroom and the bedrooms, saying helpfully, "Our shower works." Penn perked up, getting to his feet and turning to include Shelby and Lenore together in his hopeful gaze.

"Would it be weird if I used your shower?" He asked, his eyes moving from Shelby's face to Lenore's. Shelby nodded and said, "Yes" at the same time Lenore shook her head and said, "No". Shelby turned in mild alarm to Lenore and asked, "No?" Lenore leveled a glare at Shelby and responded evenly, "No."

Catching Lenore's obvious point and burying her own discomfort at the notion of a near stranger bathing in their home (a male stranger bathing in the home of two females, at that), Shelby turned back to Penn and plastered her 'normal' smile on her face, before responding in an overly positive voice, "No!" Penn smiled gratefully and took a couple steps towards the hallway. Lenore trotted over to his side and pointed at the door at the end of the hallway.

"It's right down the hall; towels are in the closet inside the bathroom." She said sweetly. Penn nodded at Lenore, before turning back to Shelby quickly and winking. "Thanks ladies, you're awesome." Penn told them pleasantly.

He made his way down the hall and stepped into the bathroom. Lenore turned back to Shelby and clasped her hands together, bouncing a little bit on her toes in pleasure. Shelby shook her head at Lenore in disapproval before taking a deep breath and saying, "Well this is an interesting development."

"How so?" Lenore asked innocently, gazing back at the closed bathroom door as if she could see through it.

"It has been some time since we've had a man take his clothes off in our apartment." Shelby answered, raising an eyebrow at her friend. Lenore smirked at her and answered, "We've never had a man take his clothes off in our apartment." Shelby nodded at Lenore pointedly.

"Exactly!" Shelby said, exasperated, "So, what, precisely, are you trying to accomplish here?" Lenore pressed her lips together primly and adjusted her glasses on her nose before answering carelessly, "Excuse me?"

Shelby rolled her eyes and sat down in her spot, calmly crossing her legs. "That man in there is not going to date you." Lenore pulled a shocked face that Shelby saw through immediately.

"Well, I'm not trying to get him to date me!" She said indignantly, crossing her arms and looking at her friend defiantly. Shelby rolled her eyes again and looked down at her fingernails.

"Oh, good. Then you won't be disappointed," she said, examining her thumbnail closely. Lenore huffed out an irritated breath and threw herself into the arm chair near Shelby's spot. "What makes you think he wouldn't want to date me? I'm a female and he's a male." Lenore spread her hands out as if that was all the defense she needed for her argument and Shelby sighed at how dense her friend could be sometimes.

_And they say I'm the socially awkward one_, Shelby thought tiredly. She answered patiently, one hand flicking in the direction of the bathroom. "Yes, but not of the same species."

Lenore pulled a face at Shelby, sticking her tongue out at her and replying snidely, "Well, I'm not going to engage in hypotheticals here, I'm just trying to be a good neighbor." Lenore didn't say "so there", but Shelby heard it all the same. She nodded condescendingly, a tight smile on her face and said soothingly, "Oh, of course."

Lenore stood up, pacing back and forth in front of the coffee table, one hand gripping the neckline of her hoodie, the other running through the mess of curls on her head. She twisted her mouth to the side, as if a thought was just occurring to her.

"That's not to say that if a relationship were to develop that I wouldn't participate. However briefly," Lenore explained, as if such an event would be something she would be obligated to follow through on.

Shelby stared at her friend and when Lenore met her eyes, Shelby grinned at her devilishly and replied, "Do you think this possibility will be helped or hindered when he discovers your dandruff shampoo and medicated body wash?"

Lenore glared at Shelby and tossed her head. "The shampoo is in an unlabeled bottle," Lenore answered quickly. She opened her mouth to continue, but a knock sounded at their door and she turned to walk to it. Her hand on the doorknob, Lenore turned to retort to Shelby, "The soap is also unlabeled, so he may just think that they belong to you!"

Shelby rolled her eyes and settled back into her spot, watching as Lenore opened the apartment door to admit their two closest friends, Hailey and Rajni.

_This is going to get interesting_, Shelby thought, suddenly sitting up straighter. Her eyes quickly darted from Lenore's flushed face to the hallway Penn had gone down. _These two are going to freak out._


	4. Chapter 4

**Enjoy! TBBT? Not mine.**

Hailey pranced into the apartment excitedly, her short brown hair bouncing on her head. She held a DVD in her hand and shook it in Lenore's face.

"Wait till you see this!" Hailey said loudly, her voice nearly abrasive in its volume. Shelby looked away briefly, wondering how a girl so tiny could possibly have such a loud, deep voice. Hailey forced the DVD into Lenore's hands and tore off her denim jacket, hanging it on the hooks by the door. Rajni followed close behind, a bounce in her step.

"It's fantastic. Unbelievable," Rajni said, shaking out the thick black braid of hair she had tucked into the collar of her black pea coat. Shelby twisted in her seat to watch as Hailey rushed around the couch, maneuvering her skinny body onto the seat next to Shelby. Rajni followed her quickly, her rounded frame pushing at the layers of clothing draping her stomach.

Lenore looked down at the DVD worriedly. "See what, exactly?" She said, her voice creeping upwards in suspicion. Hailey smacked the cushion she was sitting on lightly, her large grin exposing her crooked teeth.

"It's a Stephen Hawking lecture from MIT in 1974," Hailey said. Shelby looked at Lenore and saw how nervous and antsy her friend was. Glancing back over at Rajni and Hailey, Shelby knew that they hadn't picked up on the palpable tension in the room.

Remembering how obnoxious Lenore had been so far today, Shelby decided not to help her out with this new situation. She sat back against the couch, crossing her arms over her chest and smiling a little, raising an eyebrow at Lenore.

"This is not a good time," Lenore spoke slowly, putting the DVD down on the coffee table. Hailey picked it up immediately and shook it in the air again, her voice booming when she spoke, "But, it's from before he became a creepy computer voice!" Rajni nodded enthusiastically, grinning at Hailey for a moment before turning her expectant face to Lenore.

"That's great," Lenore began, taking a couple steps over to the door, "You guys have to go." She turned the door knob and pulled the door open a couple inches. Hailey looked over at Shelby for a second before flashing a disappointed face to Rajni.

"Why?" Rajni cried, climbing to her feet. She stood in front Lenore, her hands tugging on the ill-fitting sweater she was wearing over a long white collared shirt. Lenore waved her hands in a shooing motion at the door, a tight smile on her face.

"It's just not a good time," she replied, lamely. Hailey raised an eyebrow at her friend and got to her feet, standing next to Rajni. Shelby looked at them for a moment, and was, for the hundredth time (_108th to be exact_, whispered her eidetic memory), struck by how different they were. Hailey was wearing shiny red tights and an equally tight orange and brown flowered blouse, which clashed garishly with each other and didn't fit Hailey's short, bony frame properly. In contrast, Rajni's clothes were nice, neutral in color, but always too tight, part of her constant battle of the bulge and her refusal to admit that she couldn't fit into smaller sizes.

Shelby caught Lenore's desperate look, beseeching her for help and decided to add something to the conversation, finally. She cleared her throat and Rajni and Hailey looked over to her, eyebrows raised. Lenore smiled gratefully at her.

"Lenore has a gentleman over," Shelby said, shooting a phony smile at her roommate. Hailey and Rajni's jaws dropped and they whipped around in unison to look at Lenore, who was currently glaring at Shelby, her face glowing red again. Hailey smirked at the expression she saw on Lenore's face.

"Yeah, right, is he a mannequin?" Hailey was laughing a little as she spoke, so her words almost sounded like a bray. Lenore pinched her lips together and harrumphed at Hailey's suggestion.

"No," Lenore began, pushing the door shut and walking back towards the kitchen. She spoke from the island, where she had dropped herself down onto a bar stool, "He's not a 'gentleman'; he's just a new neighbor." Hailey froze in position as she was lowering herself to the couch again and looked up in surprise at Lenore.

"Hang on; there really is a man here?" Hailey's voice was amazed. Shelby laughed quietly to herself, watching Lenore squirm a little in discomfort.

"Uh-huh," Lenore confirmed, nodding her head at her friends. She raised a shoulder up in a defiant gesture. Shelby could almost hear the unspoken "so there" again. Hailey got up and walked towards Lenore, her pants crinkling as she went.

Waving a hand at herself and then back towards Rajni, Hailey's voice was deeper than normal, when she asked, "And you want us out because you're anticipating coitus?" Lenore turned even redder, as she leapt from her bar stool and pushed past Hailey.

"No! What's wrong with you? I'm not anticipating coitus." Lenore shot a disgusted look at Hailey as the smaller girl rubbed her hands together, as if plotting something.

"So he's available for coitus?" Hailey licked her lips and raised an eyebrow, giving what Shelby knew her skinny friend thought was her seductive face. Lenore huffed out an irritated breath again and rolled her eyes.

"Can we please stop saying coitus?" She pleaded, waving her hands in front of herself. Shelby giggled suddenly, in her breathy way, a silly thought occurring to her. Three sets of eyes turned to her face.

"Technically," Shelby laughed again, waving her hand at Lenore, "That would be coitus interruptus!" Hailey and Rajni chuckled along with her and Lenore rolled her eyes again before throwing herself into her armchair.

A voice from the hall to the bathroom made them all turn around.

"Hey, Shelby, is there a trick to getting it to go hotter?" Penn said. The girls all turned to look at him and Shelby heard the squeak of Rajni breathing in a quick breath.

"Oh. Hi, sorry. Hello!" Penn's voice was friendly and he stepped down into the living room, tightening his towel around his waist. Shelby felt her mind go blank in the now-familiar way it did because of this man and realized her friends were all staring slack-jawed at Penn. His blond hair was wet and spiked up in different directions, his chest… Shelby swallowed and looked away quickly. She closed her eyes for a brief second and was greeted with the expanse of muscled, damp, lightly tanned skin, with its light smattering of coarse blond hair, behind her eyelids. _Please Brain, work with me_, she thought. Her eyes popped open as Hailey jumped to her feet and darted over to Penn, putting her hand out to shake his.

"Hel-lo… Hailey Wolowitz, Cal-Tech department of Applied Physics." Penn nodded and smiled in an amused way, shaking Hailey's tiny hand in his own. Hailey continued on, not releasing his hand.

"You may be familiar with some of my work, it's currently orbiting Jupiter's largest moon taking high-resolution digital photographs." Penn nodded and tried to politely remove his hand from her grasp. Hailey just kept on shaking it, her bright, round blue eyes ogling the man before her.

"Penn. I work at The Factory as a bartender." He managed to free his hand and smiled in amusement at Hailey's dewy-eyed gaze. Shelby decided it was best to have Penn out of the room before her friends truly humiliated themselves. She got to her feet and walked calmly over to him, waving her hand down towards the bathroom.

"Come on, I'll show you the trick with the shower," Shelby offered. Penn looked at her and his smile was light and happy. Shelby heard a small choking noise behind her and knew instinctively that it was Lenore, protesting the attention that her roommate was getting. Hailey bounced a couple steps after Shelby and Penn.

"Bon douche!" She said in her 'seductive' voice. Penn's facial features jerked in surprise and he shot a quick, astonished look at Shelby, who was shaking her head in disbelief, before they both turned to look at Hailey.

"I'm sorry?" Penn asked, his voice confused. Hailey licked her lips and raised an eyebrow at him.

"It's French for good shower. It's a sentiment I can express in six languages." Hailey was leaning towards Penn, her eyebrows moving up and down suggestively. Penn's lips twitched, as if he was desperately trying not to laugh, and he nodded at Hailey before turning back towards the bathroom. He put a hand on Shelby's shoulder, urging her forwards with him, making her jump and gently pull away. She turned a strained smile to him, not meeting his eyes, and rushed ahead into the bathroom.

"Save it for your blog, Hailey," Shelby heard Lenore admonish from the living room.

"See-ka-tong-guay-jow," Hailey said, presumably in another of the six languages she spoke. Shelby rolled her eyes again, exasperated with their overly amorous friend.

Clearly so was Lenore, as she admonished the strange little friend. "Hailey!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Enjoy! TBBT isn't mine :)**

Shelby jiggled the hot water faucet and pressed it into the wall before turning it on. When the familiar thundering sound of the water started rushing out, she reached for the button that toggled the water from bathtub to shower, automatically.

"There it goes, it sticks, I'm sorry," Shelby explained, pointing at the faucet as she turned around. She nearly leapt backwards into the tub when she realized how close Penn was standing. No one ever stood that close to her in the bathroom, it was a room made for solitary activity, as far she was concerned.

"Okay. Thanks," Penn said, smiling winningly at her, his eyes regarding her warmly. Shelby held the clear, green gaze for a moment before taking one long step to the side, away from Penn. When she was closer to the door, she answered him, "You're welcome." Penn pulled the shower curtain aside at the furthest side from the shower head and stepped in, towel and all.

Shelby thought that her heart might stop beating and she took an involuntary step backwards, her behind colliding with the door knob. "Oh, you're going to step right… okay, I'll…."

Shelby fumbled for words and stared at the closed shower curtain. Penn tossed the towel out of the side of the curtain and Shelby jerked her eyes closed, not certain what to do. She understood that this marvelous man was completely naked behind a thin screen of plastic, and this made her stomach twist and turn. However, more pressingly, she also understood that he had just thrown his towel on the floor, and would probably use it to dry himself with after his shower. _The germs! Dear Lord, the germs_, Shelby thought frantically.

She inched towards the shower, praying that he didn't know she was so close, listening carefully as he splashed around inside. When she was near to it, she bent down silently and reached for the towel. _Almost there…_

"Hey, Shelby?" Penn's voice coming from behind the shower curtain startled her so badly that she fell on her butt, scuttling backwards from the shower and towel like they were on fire. Her mind raced and, very unlike herself, she answered without thinking.

"The hair products are Lenore's," she squawked, using the door knob to get to her feet. Penn chuckled from behind the plastic curtain, which was adorned with a colorful rendition of the periodic table.

"Um, okay," he laughed, "Can I ask you a favor?" Shelby's eyes were locked back on the towel, her entire purpose in life narrowing down to retrieving the fallen item. Once foiled in an attempt to do something, she knew that obsession was not far off. _I must get it off the floor and retrieve a new one! God knows what kind of filth and disease could be roaming about on those tiles!_

"A favor?" Shelby asked absently, inching towards the towel again, "Sure, you can ask me a favor." She bent down again, fingers reaching out for her target.

Penn's voice was warm and friendly, "It's okay if you say no, Shelby." Shelby's fingers wrapped themselves around the towel and in one smooth movement she spun towards the laundry hamper next to the sink and hurled the towel inside. Glowing with a sense of triumph Shelby spoke towards the shower curtain as she moved to get a clean towel for Penn.

"Oh, in that case, ask away," she answered from inside the linen closet, hunting for their second guest towel. She heard the faint clinking of the shower curtain and the shower was suddenly turned off. Her eyes darted briefly to the mirror on the wall next to the closet. In it she could see the front half of Penn's body leaning out of the shower. He was reaching around blindly for the towel. _Drat_, she thought, knowing she'd have to hand a new towel to him.

"It's just not the kind of thing you ask someone you've just met," he explained, grunting as he reached out further for his towel. Shelby took a deep breath and turned from the closet, eyes shut tightly, and the arm holding the towel waving around in front of her. She heard Penn laugh quietly and further clinking of the shower curtain. Suddenly a warm, wet hand rubbed over hers, taking the towel from her, and she released it.

As soon as the burden was from her hand, she spun around and moved back towards the closet, her eyes bugged open wide now that he couldn't see her face. She could sense his presence behind her and was struck with an urge to peek at him, an urge she'd never had in relation to a male before.

_Does the tan extend all the way down?_ She wondered. Almost against her will, her gaze darted up to the mirror next to the closet and she saw Penn's back was to her, and he was wrapping the towel around himself, drying as he went. His bare behind was perfectly visible however, and Shelby nearly passed out. _Perfectly visible, perfectly perfect…_

"Wow," she whispered and pulled her eyes away. She put her hands in the closet and moved them around like she was re-ordering something. When she heard Penn getting dressed she was able to start breathing normally and began solving her favorite equation in her head to calm her heart and ensure her face was smooth and expressionless when she finally turned around to face him.

He reached for the handle on the bathroom door and pulled it open, the air that greeted them very cool in comparison to the steamy state inside. Lenore was waiting anxiously just a step or two down the hall and her face lit up when they stepped out.

Penn smiled at her and said, "Well, I suppose I should ask you both!" Lenore nodded at him enthusiastically and Shelby made a face at her roommate, knowing full well that Lenore hadn't heard their conversation and was simply desperate to be included. Shelby knew at once, with an inward groan, that no matter what Penn asked them to do, Lenore would agree to it.

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"I really think we should examine the chain of causality here," Shelby said, gazing fixedly out the passenger window of Lenore's small car. She was sitting ramrod straight and could barely bring herself to speak to her friend, but felt compelled to, due to their current predicament.

Lenore shifted uneasily in her seat and spoke in her standard whine, "Must we?" Shelby pressed her lips together and cast a quick, baleful glance at her curly-haired companion. Lenore's eyes darted uncomfortably to hers and then away. Shelby looked ahead and began.

"Event A: A handsome man stands in our home and smiles at you." Shelby ticked this point off on one of her fingers. Lenore ground her teeth against one another and Shelby continued on, her voice calm and educational, "Event B: We drive halfway across town to retrieve a bag of belongings from the aforementioned man's ex-girlfriend." Shelby counted out another finger and Lenore's eyebrows drew together, as if she were in pain, causing her forehead to wrinkle with lines of worry.

Shelby cocked her head to one side, like a curious puppy, locking her bright blue eyes on Lenore. "Query: On what plane of existence is there even a semi-rational link between these events?" Lenore swallowed and glanced over at Shelby quickly, a pleading expression on her face.

"He asked me to do him a favor, Shelby."

Shelby smirked at Lenore and said, "He asked us both, actually, but my opinion amounted to nothing in your decision making process." Lenore grumbled under her breath and glanced quickly at her GPS, ensuring they were still going the right way.

"Ok, fine, he asked _us_ to do him a favor, Shelby!" Lenore said loudly. Shelby nodded, quirking up one side of her mouth, as she turned to look out the window again.

"Ah, yes, well that may be the proximal cause of our journey, but we both know it only exists in contradistinction to the higher level distal cause." Shelby added, and looked over to see Lenore rolling her eyes, both of her hands gripping the wheel tightly.

"Which is?" Lenore's query was reluctant and Shelby bristled. _We wouldn't be in this mess if she could just control herself around men_, Shelby thought in irritation.

"You're controlled solely by your libido," Shelby concluded, crossing her arms over her chest.

"That's a biological impossibility and you didn't have to come," Lenore retorted quickly, her eyes wide. Shelby shook her head and glared at Lenore.

"Oh, right, yes, I could have stayed behind and watched Hailey try to hit on Penn in Russian, Arabic and Farsi," Shelby's voice was mocking and irritated. Lenore shifted uncomfortably again. Shelby parted her crossed arms and slapped her hands on her lap.

"Besides, you volunteered me! You want to get in his good books, but you're coward enough to drag me into this mess with you!" Shelby exclaimed and Lenore bit her lip, shaking her head. Shelby went on, "Why can't he get his own things?"

"He had people coming to help move the rest of his things up to his apartment, he has to be there, but he forgot about this leftover bag, which he said contains items of importance to him." Shelby nodded and rolled a hand at Lenore to have her continue, clearly not happy with the explanation.

Lenore sighed heavily and said, "Come on, Shelby, you know how it is with break-ups!" Shelby shook her head and raised a dark eyebrow to her friend.

"No I don't," Shelby insisted, "And neither do you!" Lenore's mouth opened and she said, "Wuh… I…" Shelby looked at her speechless friend for a moment, her expression urging Lenore to try and defend this.

"No! I broke up with Martin Kim!" Lenore smiled triumphantly at Shelby, who rolled her eyes.

"You did not break up with Martin Kim, he defected to North Korea." Shelby leaned back in her seat and waited for Lenore to try and wriggle her way out of this. Lenore hit the turn signal and looked thoughtful as she waited to turn left. When she finally did she glanced over at Shelby, her face was smug.

"Uh, yeah, to mend his broken heart!" Lenore exclaimed. Shelby snorted in derision and looked out the window, her arms folded against her chest again. _The imbecility of this woman's reasoning skills is astounding,_ she thought. It seemed Lenore wasn't finished because she gently tapped Shelby's arm, making her twitch at the contact.

"This situation is much less complicated. There's obviously been a dispute and some discomfort between Penn and his ex-girlfriend, recently. He just wanted to avoid having a scene and revisiting a painful topic with her."

Lenore seemed satisfied with herself for offering up this explanation and Shelby shook her head at her friend's naiveté. She swept her hand through the air in front of them and said, "So we get to have a scene with her?"

Lenore's eyebrows twitched, as if a negative side to this scenario was just occurring to her. She licked her lips and checked her mirrors as she parallel parked in front of the apartment the GPS told them was their destination. When the car was parked, Lenore twisted in her seat to stare at her roommate, her face pleading for understanding.

"No, Shelby, there's not going to be a scene. Penn said she's really a nice girl and is expecting the bag to be picked up today." Shelby quirked her mouth to one side and raised an eyebrow again, not believing Lenore in the slightest. Lenore looked away, her face still as she thought. When she spun back to Shelby, her face was lit up with the revelation of her comforting thought.

"Ah-ha! Shelby, there's two of us and one of her!" Shelby stared in disbelief at Lenore and then unclicked her seatbelt. She opened her door and stepped from her seat, and then slammed the car door shut behind her. Lenore followed suit and stared at Shelby over the roof of the car. Shelby looked at the apartment door before glancing back at Lenore, her face tight and skeptical.

"Lenore, the two of us can barely talk to each other, how are we supposed to verbally spar with a complete stranger?" Lenore glared at Shelby and stomped towards the lobby door.

"You may not be able to, Shelby, but I can hold my own with anyone." Shelby stared at Lenore's back and shook her head. _This is not going to end well, mark my words._


	6. Chapter 6

**Enjoy! TBBT isn't mine :)**

Penn glanced over at Rajni as she leaned down to pick up a box of DVD's. He trotted over with a smile on his face.

"Hang on, let me help you," his voice was friendly and he righted the tipping box in her arms. Rajni's eyes darted all around the room to avoid meeting Penn's direct gaze. He smiled with one side of his mouth when he turned around to see Hailey leaning against the wall, staring at the movers gathering up his belongings and carting them up the stairs. Her eyes were bright and avid, and she followed their every move. Penn chuckled and leaned down to grab a speaker for his sound system.

"So, you ladies work with Lenore and Shelby at the University?" He asked Rajni, glancing at her worried face. Rajni peeked a glance at him and then looked away, pressing her lips together and turning to stare at the wall.

Penn stared at her for a moment, confused. He looked over his shoulder at Hailey, who was watching him now that the movers had all gone upstairs. He turned back to Rajni and took a step closer, bending to try and catch her eye.

"Uh, I'm sorry, do you speak English?" He asked her carefully. Rajni stared back at him, petrified. Hailey chuckled from her spot on the wall and sauntered over to stand next to her friend.

"Oh, she speaks English, she just can't speak to men," Hailey explained, a laugh in her voice. Penn gaped at her for a moment and then looked back at Rajni with concern, his eyebrows raised.

"Really, why?" He asked, his voice startled. Hailey leaned in closer to him and winked, which made Penn stifle a laugh.

"She's kind of a nerd," Hailey said, as if that explained everything. Penn had no response for that and just kept looking between the two of them.

Hailey waved a package in his face and he met her eyes. "Gum?" she offered, wiggling her eyebrows.

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Lenore stood anxiously outside the double glass doors of Penn's old apartment building, her hands dancing around in front of the board listing all the buzzer numbers for the building. She glanced over her shoulder at Shelby, who had walked up and stood behind her, arms folded across her chest. She raised an eyebrow at her small roommate and gestured at the buzzer with her chin.

"Go ahead Lenore, handle it on your own," Shelby stated, her voice mildly taunting. Lenore pushed her glasses up on her nose before punching the number listed next to the last name Penn had told them was his ex-girlfriend's. As the line began to buzz, Lenore turned over to Shelby and said indignantly, "I'll do the talking." Shelby nodded and pressed her lips together.

A disinterested female voice from the buzzer cut through the air, making them both jump a little. "Yeah?"

Lenore leapt a little closer to the speaker and spoke clearly and deliberately, "Hi, I'm Lenore, this is Shelby." Shelby leaned towards the box for a moment and said, "Hello!"

Lenore glared at her and hissed, "What did I just…" she trailed off and turned back to the buzzer speaker, remembering her task at hand, "Uh, we're here to pick up a bag of Penn's things?" The speaker was silent for a moment before the woman spoke again, her voice sharp and angry.

"Get lost." Shelby put a hand on her hip and stared at Lenore, who was frozen in place by the unfriendly reply. Shelby spoke to the speaker without taking her eyes from her friend's face.

"Okay, thanks for your time," she said politely. The line went dead went with an angry 'chunk' and Shelby turned to walk away. Lenore cleared her throat angrily from behind her and Shelby paused for a moment to roll her eyes before turning back to her friend.

"We're not going to give up just like that," Lenore said in a squeaky voice, spreading her hands in front of her. Shelby huffed out an exasperated breath and stood up straight, looking down at her friend.

"Lenore, the bag is in the building, we've been denied access to the building, ergo we are done." She clasped her hands behind her back and waited for Lenore to cave to the logic in her statement. Lenore took two steps towards her instead, waggling a a finger at Shelby.

"Excuse me, if I were to give up at the first little hitch I never would have been able to identify the fingerprints of string theory in the aftermath of the big bang." Shelby held her friends earnest brown eyes and then finally sighed and rolled hers. She threw her hands up into the air in exasperation and spoke in a dry tone.

"My apologies. What's your plan?" Lenore licked her lips and stared at her taller friend, her eyes wide and nervous behind her glasses. Shelby knew then that there wasn't a plan and relaxed; they would be home within 30 minutes and she couldn't wait. Lenore surprised her by swinging around and grabbing the handles on the apartment door and shaking them violently, as if she could break them open that way.

Shelby chuckled and then pressed her lips together to hide her smirk when Lenore turned back to her with a dirty look on her face. Shelby held her hands up in a make-peace gesture and waited for Lenore to turn back to the doors, which she kicked petulantly.

"It's just a privilege to watch your mind at work," Shelby said, her voice serious as she forced her laughter away. She could see Lenore glaring at her through her reflection in the glass doors. Her friend crossed her arms and held her chin in one hand, her brow wrinkling in concentration. She paced a little, looking up at Shelby with each pass.

For her part, Shelby stood still, hands clasped behind her back and followed her friend's movement with an impassive look on her face. Lenore threw her hands in the air again with a grumble of irritation.

"Come on, we have a combined IQ of 360! We should be able to figure out how to get into a stupid building!" Lenore whined loudly. Shelby opened her mouth to say something when she heard footsteps behind her.

Two Girl Scouts walked up behind them, giving prim little smiles to her and Lenore. She and her roommate stood slack-jawed as they watched one of the girls run her hand down all the buttons on the board. All the apartments were lit up and the speaker buzzed over and over again. There was a beep and the button-pusher reached for the door handle and pulled the door open, shooting a triumphant smile over her little shoulder at the two women standing there watching them.

"What do you think their combined IQ is?" Shelby said quietly, without turning to look at her friend. Lenore shoved her bodily towards the door and cried, "Just grab the door, Shelby!" Shelby caught the handle and marched into the building, her brow creasing with worry at what they were sure to be facing.

Lenore pressed the button for the elevator and they both stood silently waiting. As the elevator beeped each time it passed a floor, Shelby marveled at the fact that it worked. Theirs had been broken so long she'd forgotten about the luxury of using one. The doors wooshed open and they stepped inside, Lenore pushing the button for the level they were going to. As the doors closed, Lenore's reflection in the metal doors was distorted, but not enough to hide her terrified expression.

Shelby felt bad for her friend, but she didn't know how else to try and get Lenore to understand that even doing this terrifying thing wasn't going to make a man like Penn date a girl like her. She'd tried and Lenore was still driven by stubbornness to pursue a man who wasn't interested.

The doors opened again onto a small, quiet hallway and they stepped out at the same time. Lenore turned to the left and walked along slowly, reading door numbers as she went, until she stopped at the one at the end of the hall. She stood up as tall as she could and breathed in a deep breath.

"This is it," she said, obviously trying to hide the fear in her voice. She knocked boldly on the door and turned her pale face to Shelby. "I'll do the talking," Lenore reminded her. Shelby rolled her eyes and took a step behind her friend.

"Good thinking, I'll just be the muscle." Sarcasm was not a strong suit for Shelby, but every now and then she managed it. Her mother told her that every woman was born with a sarcastic ability, she just had a harder time using hers than most.

The door opened and a tall, curvy woman stood before them. Shelby gaped at her and was instantly struck with how very different this woman was from them. Perhaps this was the wake-up call that Lenore needed. The woman had long hair, pulled back in a complicated style on the back of her head, the front part of her blonde hair puffed up to give the effect of volume. She wore a lot of make-up, as well. Shelby was no make-up expert, but even to her eyes, the make-up was heavy, though she had to admit it was effective.

Shelby glanced down at her own grey t-shirt with the faded Batman symbol on the front, worn over top of a fitted white long-sleeved shirt. Below this, she wore grey and blue plaid pants, also fitted and comfortable, the legs draping slightly over her black sneakers. She had her grey and blue messenger bag-style purse slung across her body and wore her dark brown hair loose and unstyled, hanging halfway down her back.

In comparison this woman wore a very tight, deeply cut tank top with a strip of tanned middrif visible between it and her low slung, fitted jeans. She was all hips, breasts, and attitude. Shelby stood up a little taller and tried to tell herself that the slight pinch she felt in her chest was not disappointment in Penn's taste in women, but her own distaste for such obvious female flamboyance.

The woman's unfriendly brown eyes swept over Lenore dismissively before narrowing when she looked Shelby up and down.

"Yeah?" She asked, her voice terse and irritated. Lenore stumbled over her words for a moment before spitting out what she meant to say.

"I'm Lenore, this is Shelby," she stammered, no confidence in her voice at all. The woman glanced over at Lenore like she was a bug and smirked at her.

Shelby didn't see a flicker of recognition in the woman's eyes and decided that maybe she was actually unintelligent enough to have already forgotten their buzzer conversation. Shelby leaned towards her and spoke in a friendly tone, "From the intercom."

The woman put a hand on one hip and jutted it to the side. She took a step closer and glared at Shelby. "How the hell did you get in the building?" She growled at them.

Shelby and Lenore looked at each other. Shelby was puzzled, how did that information matter? Lenore perked up and turned back to the angry person in front of her. She raised a hand in the air, as if asking permission to speak.

The woman wiggled her eyebrows in disbelief at the gesture and smirked at Lenore who smiled and said, "Oh. We're scientists!" Shelby nodded in satisfaction. That should explain enough about how they got in without having to waste anymore time. Penn's ex-girlfriend frowned and took an intimidating step towards Lenore, who backed into Shelby in response.

Without looking down, Shelby spoke urgently out of the side of her mouth, "Tell her about our IQ." Lenore smiled up at the angry woman and opened her mouth to explain further.

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Shelby glanced down at herself as they silently walked out the front door of Penn's old building. She looked over at Lenore and felt a strong flash of irritation.

"Lenore," Shelby spoke calmly. Lenore didn't look over, just looked down at herself and spoke through her clenched teeth.

"What, Shelby?"

Shelby gestured down at her shirts and pants, now stained red and damp with the decanter full of wine Penn's ex-girlfriend had dumped on her. She felt it drying in sticky streaks on her face and neck, matting her hair into clumps.

"My mom bought me these pants," Shelby explained. Lenore glanced over, through her glasses which were heavily coated in red streaks. The angry woman had only poured a glass of wine over Lenore's head. Shelby looked like she'd been bathed in wine. Lenore sighed and hung her head.

"I'm sorry," Lenore muttered, her cheeks slowly flushing as she peeked glimpses over at her stained and wet roommate. They got to the car and Lenore went to the trunk to grab a couple of blankets. She tossed one to Shelby, who caught it and stared at it for a moment before looking down at her pants again.

"You're going to have to call her," Shelby persisted, and Lenore looked over and grimaced, nodding. She gestured lamely at Shelby.

"Wrap the blanket around your waist and take your pants off, I don't want any to get on the car seats."

Shelby glared at her friend but did as she said. Wearing her blanket skirt, she tossed the wet pants at Lenore, smacking her shoulder with them. Lenore glared at her but put her and Shelby's pants into the trunk. They climbed carefully inside the car and Lenore started the engine. She glanced over at Shelby's calm and expectant face.

"What?" Lenore asked meekly. Shelby glanced over at her and the only sign of her irritation with the whole situation was the slight flaring in her nostrils.

"You're taking my clothes to be dry-cleaned, right now," her words were clipped and she looked through the front window as Lenore pulled away from the curb. Her roommate nodded and agreed, "Yes, I will."

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After dropping their clothing off at the dry cleaners near their home, Shelby and Lenore wore the blankets home, wrapped around themselves like togas. They walked into their lobby and Shelby noted that all of Penn's things were gone. _Well, at least one thing was successfully accomplished today_, she thought ruefully.

She and Lenore slowly trudged up the stairs. Shelby hadn't spoken a word to Lenore since they had first gotten into the car. The man at the dry cleaners had gaped at them in shock and Shelby nearly punched Lenore in the head when he shook his head sadly at her Batman shirt, indicating there wasn't much hope for it.

"Shelby, I'm so sorry I dragged you through this," Lenore said quietly when they reached the first landing.

Shelby looked over at her roommate and saw that she was flaming red and near tears. As angry as she was, Shelby softened. She sighed heavily before answering, "It's okay. It wasn't my first experience with a bully, and it won't be my last."

Lenore glanced over at her and smiled. She patted at her damp, curly hair as she replied, "And you were right about my motives, I was hoping to impress Penn in the hopes that it might have someday led to a relationship and sex."

Shelby's lips turned up in a small and she gave a breathy laugh.

"Well you got _me_ out of my pants," she replied dryly. Lenore elbowed her lightly and then laughed with her. They walked across the hallway of the second floor before heading towards their last two flights of stairs.

"Anyway, I've learned my lesson. He's out of my league, I'm done with him, I've got my work, one day I'll win the Nobel Prize and then I'll die alone," Lenore said bravely. Shelby put a hand in front of Lenore's path, stopping her on the stairs. Lenore looked over at her expectantly.

"Don't think like that, you're not going to die alone," Shelby said confidently. Lenore smiled at her and shook her head, turning forwards and starting up again.

"Thank you Shelby, you're a good friend."

Shelby had a wicked thought in her head and smiled broadly when she voiced it, cheekily, "And you're certainly not going to win a Nobel Prize."

Lenore grunted in surprise and shot a glare at Shelby, who smirked back at her, before reaching for the handle of their door and stepping inside.


	7. Chapter 7

**Enjoy! TBBT is definitely not mine :)**

Penn sat in Shelby's spot on the couch, watching with amusement as Hailey excitedly showed him some kind of internet video game. She moved past her normal, nearly constant, flirtation as she talked about it and he had to smile at her. He'd heard of these games before, he'd just never imagined girls, any kind of girls, playing them.

"This is one of my favourite places to kick back after a quest, they have a great house ale," Hailey explained, pointing to the image of a make-believe medieval style tavern on the screen of her laptop. Penn looked up at her face to see if she kidding around and quickly rearranged his features into serious interest when he realized she was totally in earnest. She nodded at him expectantly, clearly hoping he'd say something to validate her.

"Wow, cool tiger," he finally said, and watched her face light up. Hailey ran a hand through her short hair and shrugged one shoulder casually.

"Yeah, I've had him since level ten. His name is Buttons," she smiled fondly at the screen and Penn had to stifle a smile at how legitimately attached she seemed to the cartoon cat. Hailey continued excitedly, as if a wonderful idea had just occured to her, "Anyway, if you had your own game character we could hang out, maybe go on a quest together!"

Penn stared at her and swallowed, nodding his head vaguely. He got to his feet and feigned a stretch. Hailey's eyes followed his movements and he finally replied.

"Uh, sounds interesting," Penn managed, lamely, he thought. But Hailey nodded and smiled and half closed her laptop, hugging it to her thin chest. She shot him a huge grin.

"So you'll think about it?" She asked hopefully. Penn had to smile back.

"Oh, I don't think I'll be able to stop thinking about it," he answered truthfully and he walked into the kitchen to grab a water bottle. It was weird to be in Shelby and Lenore's apartment without them, but Hailey had said they always came and went as they pleased (although she made sure to mention that oftentimes this practice drove Shelby up the wall).

He glanced at the clock and wondered what was taking them so long. He was certain that Kira was home, she said she would be when Penn had texted her earlier, letting her know a couple of his friends were coming by to pick up his bag.

"We're home." He heard Lenore's dejected voice behind him and spun away from the clock. His jaw dropped when he saw them both wrapped up in multi-colored beach blankets. Lenore's glasses were stained in red streaks, as was her face, and her hair looked clumpy.

Penn glanced over at Shelby and flinched. She looked like a stunt-double for Sissy Spacek in Carrie. Her face was coated in a total covering of red, her neck streaked with it. Her hair hung in thick, crunchy looking strips around her face. Her blanket dress revealed her bare, pale shoulders, with just thin white bra straps breaking the creamy display of skin. He blinked hard. _Focus_, he told himself.

"Oh, my God, what the hell happened?" His voice was raised as he walked towards them with genuine concern. Rajni's face was frozen in a mask of horror, one plump hand covering her mouth. Hailey had leapt to her feet at her friends' appearances and was dancing from foot to foot in agitation, not sure what could have possibly happened.

"Is that...wine?" Hailey spoke skeptically, sniffing the air. Shelby glanced over at her and nodded, her full, purple stained, lips pressed together in irritation. Penn looked back at Lenore.

"Seriously, what happened?" He asked again, spreading his hands in the air before himself. Shelby fixed her frank, blue eyes on him and he couldn't stop looking over at her.

"Well, your ex-girlfriend sends her regards and I think the rest is fairly self-explanatory," Shelby spoke tersely, but didn't betray any further emotion as she stared back at Penn. He shook his head and paced back and forth for a moment.

"I'm so sorry, I never imagined she'd behave like such a bitch, especially to two strangers," Penn apologized, and he glanced down at Lenore who gave him a tentative smile, taking a step towards him.

"No, it was a valid hypothesis," she said, comfortingly. Shelby huffed a breath of irritation and stalked past them, somehow regal in the patterned blanket. She gave Penn a wide berth as she walked by him and made her way to the hallway that led to the bathroom, pausing before the step. She suddenly spun back around and crinkled her brow at Lenore in confusion.

"That was a valid hypothesis? What is happening to you?" She asked her friend, as if Lenore had suddenly grown horns. Penn had to hide a smile at Shelby's somehow grand anger. He took a couple steps away from Lenore, leaning up against the island in the kitchen.

"Really, thank you so much for going," he started, glancing at Lenore and then over to Shelby who was staring at him like he was from another planet. He continued lamely, surprised to find himself shy under her scrutiny, "And thanks for trying you're, uh, you're so terrific. I'm so sorry about Kira, I'll talk to her..." Shelby raised an eyebrow at him.

"I think you speaking to her is exactly what she wanted from this scenario. Besides her need to vividly display to us both that she is the alpha female in your life," Shelby replied in her clear and concise voice and Penn looked away for a moment, knowing she was right.

"That makes sense, thanks Shelby," he responded, and smiled winningly at her. Her expression didn't change, but she swallowed hard before nodding at him.

"Look ladies," he glanced over at Lenore and their other two friends to include them in his statement, "why don't you shower, put some clothes on, and I'll get my keys. Dinner is on me, okay?" Lenore's face lit up happily.

"Really? Great!" She cried, before trotting over to the hallway next to Shelby. He walked out of the apartment, turning back to shut the door behind himself and saw Lenore prancing down towards the bathroom, while Shelby stood still, staring back at him, as if trying to figure something out.

"Thank you," she said calmly to him, nodding her head, before turning around and following Lenore down the hallway. Penn nodded and shut the door, standing for a moment in the hallway and wondering what the hell tall girl-physicist was doing to him.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Shelby caught up to Lenore in the hallway, "A) I will be having a shower first," Lenore nodded at her and Shelby continued, "and B) You're not done with him, are you?" Lenore looked up to Shelby, her face happy, her eyes shining. Shelby sighed inwardly in exasperation. Lenore stuck her chin into the air in a small defiant gesture.

"Our babies will be smart and beautiful," she said haughtily, only half-joking. Shelby gaped at her, honestly surprised by the statement. _Could she really be that delusional?_ Shelby worried to herself. She finally shook her head at Lenore's crazed statement, deciding that the best thing to do would be to allow nature to take it's course and for Lenore to have her heart trampled on when Penn inevitably turned her down.

She turned and walked away from Lenore, opening the bathroom door. Shelby paused in the doorway and said over her shoulder, "Not to mention imaginary."

Lenore huffed in frustration at Shelby, but she could clearly hear her small friend squealing away while she chose an outfit in her room. Shelby started the shower and heaved the disgusting car blanket onto the ground. She pulled out a large towel and a smaller one for her head and placed them on the small stand next to the shower, a stand they had there specifically for waiting towels (that Penn had so clearly over-looked earlier today, causing all manner of embarrassment).

Shelby thoroughly washed her hair and body, scrubbing at the red stains with a washcloth. It took several applications of her face wash, but she managed to get all of it off of her face, leaving her skin there tingling and flushed. When she was done, Shelby tossed the car blanket and her underthings into the hamper in the bathroom and wrapped her towels tightly around her hair and her body.

She walked past her room and knocked on Lenore's bedroom door.

"It's all yours," she called to her friend. Lenore opened the door and popped her head out, replying happily, "Great, thanks Shelby."

Shelby nodded and went into her bedroom to get ready. She left her hair wrapped up and went to her closet, selecting her emergency outfit. She chose her full outfit for each day of the coming week every Saturday, folding them neatly together. She kept an emergency outfit prepared in case of unforeseen accidents. When she pulled it out from the closet, her gaze brushed over the rack hung with all her other planned outfits. Casual party, dress party, family dinner, outdoor concert, beach wear, unexpected parental visit, fundraiser at the university, the list went on and on. She found that having specific outfits for almost every possible situation took a lot of the stress out of getting ready for them. There was no need to plan, as each choice had already been made.

She lay the emergency outfit on the bed, which consisted of a pair of fitted, bootcut, dark blue khakis, with several slim pockets down the legs. She matched this with a long sleeved grey shirt, made of thin material, fitted as well, like all her long sleeved shirts were (the better to fit underneath her t-shirts).

She picked up her t-shirt, smiling lovingly at it. It was one of her favorites. She pulled the navy blue t-shirt on top of the fitted undershirt, and smoothed it out. The bright green raptor on the front holding a rubix cube made her chuckle every time. "Clever Girl", the shirt proclaimed below the raptor. The joke had made her laugh for almost five minutes when she first saw it. Besides, she knew she was also what could be called a "clever girl" and the double entendre made her grin.

Shelby spent a few minutes blow drying her hair, not paying attention to styling. She never did. It was just hair. She used a blow dryer to prevent herself from catching a cold due to a wet head. She wore it long because she always had, ever since her mother insisted she at least try to look like a good little girl, if she wasn't going to act like one. When she was done, she didn't look in a mirror, she didn't need to; she was aware of what she looked like and thought she was unlikely to have changed since the last time she saw herself.

She got out to the living room and saw Hailey and Rajni still sitting there. Hailey looked up and smiled.

"Hey Shelby," Hailey greeted her. Shelby inclined her head in return and sat in her spot, listening as Hailey continued with, "Penn came over and said he's taking Rajni and I with you guys, as thanks for helping him carry his stuff up." Shelby smiled at her strange little friend, wondering if Lenore knew; she was certain Lenore would not appreciate any competition.

Shelby was secretly glad for more people to serve as a distraction. She had felt Penn's eyes on her a lot this afternoon, and even though he carefully kept his face neutral, she was certain he was judging her. She could feel the weight of his potential criticisms pressing on her the whole time he'd been there.

Not that she cared. She was elevated beyond such petty states as envy, lust, desire and bodily admiration. She repeated that to herself again. And again. Something about that man made her mind swing off course. She knew she had to start avoiding him so that she could concentrate again, and not on him... and his eyes...and his skin... and the vivid memory of his bare behind.

Huffing out an angry breath, Shelby popped off the couch, startling Hailey and Rajni as she stalked into the kitchen, ripped the fridge door open and yanked out a bottle of water. She pulled the cap off, drank it too quickly and got a painful headache from the cold almost instantly. Shelby pressed her hands to her forehead and groaned.

"Dude, what's wrong with you?" Rajni spoke from the couch. Shelby winced at Rajni's insistent use of the word 'dude'.

"Rajni, as I've said before," she choked out, the brain freeze making her terse, "I am neither a male, nor some kind of surfing, skate boarding, aficionado." Rajni didn't reply and she saw that Penn was back in the room. She rolled her eyes and turned away from him, taking her hands from her head.

Hailey spoke up helpfully, "Is your auto-pilot on the fritz?" She chuckled and so did Rajni. Shelby turned back to them and, sitting carefully on a stool at the island, she made a face at them.

"How droll," Shelby said flatly, making them laugh harder. Penn walked over to her after looking back and forth during this exchange. He was staring at her chest and she felt suddenly embarrassed. Quickly she brought her arms up, crossing them over her chest. His eyes met hers and she glared at him. He looked blankly at her for a moment and then started to laugh.

"Sorry, Shelby, I was trying to get your shirt." She felt relieved and so nodded, raising her eyebrows at him, but leaving her arms crossed.

"Clever Girl, huh?" He said, sitting next to her. She glanced over at him.

"It's a pun, a joke based on -"

"Jurassic Park," he finished for her, glancing over with a smile on his face. "I like dinosaur movies as much as the next person," Penn said, laughing a little. Shelby nodded and got up, uncomfortable with how close he was sitting. It was most distracting to have his arm so close to hers, to be able to smell him and feel the heat radiating from his skin. To see the muscle in his arms beneath the cloth of his shirt.

She shook her head a little as she walked over to her spot on the couch, plunking down next to Rajni. _Get a grip, Cooper, he's just a man._

Hailey sat up from her laptop and rubbed her stomach. "What's taking Lenore so long?" They all shrugged, except for Shelby, who knew that Lenore was very likely going overboard with her appearance in an effort to impress Penn.

"I have a man-sized hunger," Hailey said, standing up. Shelby watched in amusement as she saw Penn flinch just the slightest bit. Hailey raised an eyebrow at him, her 'seductive' face back.

"I meant food, but if you're interested..." Her voice trailed off and Penn stared at her blankly before responding with, "No thanks, Hailey," as politely as possible.

Just then Lenore walked out and Shelby had to look down at her lap to hide the horror on her face. Lenore was wearing one of the two skirts she owned, a dark denim material that came down almost to the floor. Over top she was wearing a strangely cut frilled green blouse.

Shelby knew immediately it was the shirt Lenore's older sister had sent her for Christmas a few years back. Lenore hadn't worn it then because it was incredibly low-cut, and it was a little bit too tight on her. Together, the denim didn't look especially bad with the color of the shirt, but Lenore was baring more skin than Shelby thought was proper in the ill-fitting shirt. She had applied gel to her hair, trying to bring out her curls more prominently, a move which Shelby knew would inflame her scalp problems, and besides, now her hair just looked slick and wet.

Shelby's eyes darted up to Lenore's face as she walked into the living room, smiling at Penn and gathering up her purse. Lenore was wearing make-up. _Make-up!_ Shelby had no idea Lenore even owned make-up. But she had on blush, lipstick, a strange orangey-pink color smeared on her eyelids and mascara clumping her lashes together. To Shelby it was a looked that screamed of inexperience and a lack of knowledge in the make-up arena. But, what did she know? She had zero experience with it herself.

Shelby glanced over at Penn, who hadn't reacted at all to Lenore's appearance, who was in fact walking towards Shelby, holding out her purse. She stood up and took her purse from him, smiling quickly in thanks. Everyone filed out ahead of them and Penn put a light hand on her shoulder to help guide her out and she refrained from flinching rudely as she had earlier today, and instead stepped away from his hand in a way that she hoped looked natural.

As Shelby shut and locked the apartment door, she tuned out Hailey and Lenore as they started chattering excitedly to Penn and to each other. Penn walked a step or two in front of Shelby, glancing back at her every couple steps. She pretended not to see him, not sure how to arrange her facial features each time he looked at her. Shelby glanced over at quiet Rajni, walking beside her, her dark eyes fixed dreamily on Penn, but her lips pressed together tightly, as she was afraid her selective mutism might disappear and force her to say something stupid.

They walked in a companionable clump to the parking garage and reached Penn's car, a rather beat up looking SUV. He unlocked the doors and Hailey and Rajni clambered into the backseat. Penn turned to Lenore standing next to Shelby, one arm hanging down in front of her taller friend, as if to keep Shelby pushed back.

"I think Shelby might fit better in the front seat, Lenore," he said. Lenore's eye brows furrowed in disappointment and Shelby almost felt bad for her again. Penn seemed to feel the same way so he winked at her roommate and continued on in a friendly tone, "Not everyone is in a little package like you are, Lenore."

Lenore took this as a complement and flushed red in enjoyment, happily climbing into the back seat. Penn opened the passenger door and held a hand towards the seat, looking back at Shelby while he did.

"There you go, Shelby," Penn told her. She nodded at him and climbed inside. He shut the door for her, walked around the truck, and climbed into the driver's seat. When she realized how completely wonderful he looked sitting in the half-shadows of the underground lot, and how very close his seat was to hers, her stomach flip-flopped and she looked out the front window determinedly. _This is going to take all of my concentration. Damnable mesmerizing man._


	8. Chapter 8

**Enjoy! TBBT = Not mine :)**

Penn pulled out of the underground and sat in the driveway. He turned to Lenore and grinned, asking with a smile, "Where to, ladies?"

He glanced over at Shelby, to see if she had any input and for once she decided not to insist on their destination. She could feel her hands twitching in her lap at the suppressed need to state the appropriate dinner locale. _Let Lenore decide, let her become the alpha in this situation_, Shelby ordered herself.

"Is Thai food okay with you, Penn?" Lenore asked hopefully. Penn shifted in his seat to look back at her again and nodded.

"Sure, the Pad Thai Palace down the street?" He responded. Lenore nodded happily. Penn flicked his turn signal on and pulled forward.

"We can't have Thai food!" Shelby burst out, unable to contain herself. Penn slammed on the brakes at her cry, throwing everyone forward in their seat belts. She heard the three girls in the back groan in frustration and Lenore muttered, "Here we go." Shelby turned in her seat to glare at Lenore and then raised a hand in the air to make her point.

"We had Indian for lunch!" She insisted, as if that was explanation enough. Penn tapped a finger on the back of Shelby's arm lightly, to get her attention. She jerked her arm away from him, instinctively, immediately feeling foolish for behaving so neurotically, before looking up at his eyes, which were shaded in the semi-dark of the evening light. He smiled at her sheepishly.

"Sorry, won't do that again," he apologized. Shelby nodded robotically. Penn's eyebrows rose expectantly, "So...?" Shelby stared at him uncomprehendingly.

"So, what?" She asked. Lenore grumbled from the back seat and pushed herself forward, her head poking between the seats to look at both them.

"He's asking about dinner, Shelby. Why can't we have Thai food for dinner?" Lenore said in a long-suffering way. Shelby frowned at her friend in confusion.

"You know very well why, Lenore," Shelby replied, wondering momentarily if Lenore could have become drunk by absorbing the wine thrown on her.

Lenore rolled her eyes and grinned up at Penn. "He doesn't know why, though," Lenore chuckled and then grinned at Penn again before sitting back in her seat, a self-satisfied smirk on her face. Shelby crinkled her forehead and looked from Lenore to Penn.

"They're both curry based cuisines," she finally said to Penn, in a way that suggested he should already know this. Penn chuckled and waved a hand in the air in front of himself.

"So?" He said again. Shelby blinked at him. _Dear lord, does he really not see it?_

"They would be gastronomically redundant," Shelby answered him. Hailey and Rajni were giggling in the back seat, and Shelby heard Hailey repeat the word "gas" to Rajni and they giggled even harder. Penn was looking at her like she'd answered in Swahili. _I can see we're going to have to spell out everything for this guy_, Shelby thought. Penn shook his head.

"Ok, so no Thai," he responded simply and then turned around in his seat again and looked at Rajni, who was still trying to smother her giggles. When she realized Penn was looking at her, she froze and her eyes went wide.

"Any ideas Rajni?" Penn asked her, a slightly teasing smile on his face. Rajni looked down at her lap and shook her head and Penn tapped her knee and said, "Sorry."

Hailey leaned forward eagerly, and said, "Turn left on Lake Street and head up to Colorado. I know a wonderful little sushi bar that has karaoke." She had a large toothy grin on her face and Shelby smiled to herself; she would never admit it out loud (because doing so would only further inflate Hailey's giant ego), but Hailey could be quite endearing at times.

Penn perked up, looking around at everyone with a big grin. "That sounds like fun," he laughed, "I'd love to hear you guys sing." Shelby pinched her mouth closed and looked out the window; she had no intention of inflicting her singing voice on anyone.

Hailey horrified everyone by breaking into a song on her own, "Baby, baby don't get hooked on me. Uh, baby, baby don't get hooked on me." Shelby wanted to hide her head in her hands. _Endearing indeed_, she thought in embarrassment.

With Hailey loudly caterwauling, Rajni literally trying to hide inside the collar of her coat, and Lenore tugging down the neckline on her shirt while trying to smile suggestively at Penn, Shelby felt like she would probably never have to see Penn again after everyone drove him away, and she was slightly relieved.

Penn, for his part, looked amused and was snapping his fingers along to Hailey's singing. Shelby shot him a wide-eyed look and then turned towards the passenger side window to talk between the seat and the car door to Lenore, so no one else would hear them. Lenore leaned forward to hear her friend.

"I don't know what your odds are in the world as a whole," Shelby began, and Lenore nodded, "but as far as the population of this car goes, you're a veritable Miss America." Lenore grinned at her and whispered, "Thanks!"

"Alright!" Penn announced, pointing out the window, "To karaoke we go!" Hailey and Lenore cheered and Shelby smiled tightly. _Oh boy_, she thought.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

After the discussion in the car, Hailey sang most of the way to the sushi bar, and Penn found himself singing along with her at times. She was not his type, but she was definitely funny and he found himself genuinely enjoying his time with her, and the others.

When they got to the bar, they found a seat and ordered dinner right away. Hailey wasted no time inhaling her food and then ran for the stage and spent the majority of the night singing her heart out, occasionally joined by Lenore.

They were definitely amusing the group of Japanese business men who shared the table next to them. Penn couldn't help it, he had to smile. Glancing over at Shelby, he saw she looked rigid and uncomfortable. He couldn't figure her out and he was nearly desperate to know what went on behind those blue eyes.

Whenever Lenore looked over at them for approval, he noticed that Shelby would smile a tiny smile, as if she also couldn't help but be amused by her friends, despite the tenseness he noticed between them at times. She even clapped for her friends after they sang "She Blinded Me With Science". When two of the business men joined Lenore and Hailey on stage, Penn took the opportunity to scoot his chair closer to Shelby.

"So, do you ladies come here often?" He asked, conversationally. Shelby turned to look at him and shook her head before turning back to the stage. He watched, fascinated, as the shake of her head caused her thick, mahogany hair to ripple and sway. Penn couldn't keep his eyes from skimming down her long, slim frame. She was ramrod straight in her chair, her legs crossed, and hands nested in her lap, but she didn't seem bothered by the tense position she'd been holding for over an hour.

"Why do you continue to stare at me when you think I am not paying attention?" She asked, and his eyes darted up from her legs. He could feel his face grow hot and had to give himself a little shake, nerves with a woman were not something he typically experienced; he never had problems with talking to women. Shelby raised one gracefully arched eyebrow at him, waiting for his answer. He chuckled and ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm not staring, just, just... getting used to you," he finished lamely. Shelby pushed her full lips together in disbelief, took a deep breath, and gave him a level look.

"It makes me uncomfortable; if you have a problem with my appearance, I would prefer that you get all the snide comments and judgmental remarks out of the way now," she said calmly and firmly. Penn gaped at her in surprise. _What is she talking about? She thinks I want to make fun of her? _

"What? No! Why would you think that?" He protested. Shelby crossed her arms across her chest and he could tell she was embarrassed by the way her eyes slid away from his uneasily. _She's nervous, too_, he thought, _why?_

"I know all about men like you, Penn, and that is fine. I would only ask that you save me the wait and get it all out now." She told him stiffly. Penn said nothing. _Men like me?_ Shelby cleared her throat and turned to him in her chair, her face suddenly breaking into a worried expression.

"Please, Penn, I can take it, I am used to it. But Lenore..." Her voice trailed off and she glanced back at the stage, where a slightly drunk Lenore had her arm linked around the waist of an older Japanese man, while they belted out 'American Woman'. "Lenore cannot. She holds you in high esteem already, even though she has only known you for a short while. Please don't hurt my friend; say what you have to say to me, but not to her," Shelby told him, her tone dignified and pleading all at once.

Penn couldn't tear his eyes away from her beautiful, concerned face and was having a hard time trying to form a proper thought. Part of him was insulted, the other half confused. _Do I really come across as some kind of asshole?_ He thought worriedly, and then, _why does anyone so lovely expect to be treated badly?_

Shelby was watching his eyes warily, as his tangled thoughts swirled about his head, and he wanted to reach out and reassure her that he truly thought nothing bad of her, that in fact he thought the best of her; he wanted to kiss her. But he didn't.

"Shelby, I'm sorry if I've said or done something to make you think I'd ever treat you guys badly. I'm not that kind of person."

"You certainly are that type of person," she gestured at him with her hand, "look at you. Each one of us has been here before. You are exactly that type of person. It's only a matter of time before whatever game you're playing comes to an end and my friends and myself will be the butt of some cruel joke. You'll pretend to be attracted to one of us, perhaps ask for favors, and then humiliate or degrade your target."

Shelby got to her feet, and glared down at him, and continued, "I know what I am, and I am comfortable with it. I ask you to leave my friends out of your game and just get everything out in the open with me, right now." Penn frowned at her, his feelings hurt.

"I don't think I deserve that Shelby," he said slowly, getting to his feet as well. Shelby looked up at him and her eyes narrowed.

"It's time to take us home, Penn."


	9. Chapter 9

**Enjoy! TBBT is not mine :)**

By the time Penn dropped them off at their apartment door, Shelby was exhausted - both from the busy day and from holding herself together. She had never confronted anyone the way she had Penn at the sushi restaurant and although she felt quite queasy the whole time, she had forced herself to go through it.

Penn's face had thrown her off, though, she had to admit that to herself. It all started because he had been staring at her again and she was partly enraged with him for daring to think that he had any right to pass judgement on Dr Shelby Cooper, and partly upset with herself for daring to think, just for a second, that his eyes had been approving of what he saw, rather than cruel and taunting. He tried, quite convincingly to say that he wasn't that type, but how many times had she heard that before?

Just last year, Hailey had been taken in by a very handsome man she met at a Starbucks, a man who assumed that because she was intelligent and an engineer, that she was also rich. Shelby shook her head to herself, walking up the many flights of stairs with Lenore and Penn, remembering how crushed and humiliated Hailey had been when the handsome man used her for what little money she had and then cruelly dumped her. Her friend's humiliated devastation made Shelby vow then and there that she would not allow that to happen to herself, and she would protect her friends if she could as well.

As they trudged up the stairs, Lenore was nattering on about her karaoke escapades, Penn and Shelby each with a fake smile plastered to their faces. Shelby glanced over at Penn to see his face tight and pensive. His eyes were troubled and when he caught her glance, he looked away quickly, his face rippling with hurt.

Shelby felt her stomach tighten and strengthened her resolve. _This is all part of his ploy, a bartender has no place in your life_. Shelby looked over at Lenore. _No place in her life either_, she thought, _I don't know what his game is, but we are not playing along... no matter how hurt he looks_. Shelby cringed, a small voice in her head trying to convince her that maybe he was just a nice guy and that she was the one acting like a prejudiced bully.

As they reached their floor, Shelby moved straight to her door, unlocked it and forced Lenore through it, into their apartment. Lenore hiccuped and giggled and stumbled towards her bedroom. Shelby turned in the doorway and looked back towards Penn. He was standing in front of his apartment and looking at her strangely. She sighed, closed her door after Lenore, and straightened her back before turning around to look at him fully, now that they were alone in the hallway.

She swallowed hard when he took four large steps to stand right in front of her. His eyes were hard and serious when he said, "I'm not as smart as you." Shelby blinked at him.

"No one is as smart as me," she answered quietly. A brief smile flitted across his face. Shelby took a step back from him, not enjoying the physical closeness nor his breath tickling her face. Her back was against the door and she was very uncomfortable. Her eyes darted back and forth around the hall before settling on his face.

"What I meant was, I may not be as smart as you, but I'm not a bad guy. You ladies are nice people and I have really liked spending time with you all," Penn told her, his voice earnest. Shelby stared at his face, wishing that she could read his mind. Taking a deep breath she spoke, unable to hold eye contact for very long.

"You must understand my natural concern in this situation, Penn." He nodded slowly at her words, his face twisting with something like regret.

Shelby continued, "However, I am willing to concede that perhaps I am the one making unfair assumptions and judging another person harshly based on looks alone. I am aware of the irony, if this is in fact true."

"I wouldn't blame you, trust me. But, I'm not like that," he insisted, his face serious. Shelby finally nodded.

"Fine. I will allow you access to our social circle, I suppose you will create a new and interesting dynamic in our group," she conceded. Penn grinned at her and she flashed a smile back at him. Then her brow drew down with warning.

"If you do in fact turn out to be the man I hope you are not and treat anyone badly, I will ensure that you find yourself immersed in a most unpleasant situation, from which you will find no escape," she threatened. One side of Penn's mouth turned up in a smile and he nodded. Shelby crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow at him, giving him what she hoped was a tough, street-smart look.

"I will lay the smack down upon you," she said, her voice serious but obviously struggling with the unfamiliar vernacular. She wasn't entirely sure what laying a smack was, but she had heard it enough times on television.

It did not have the desired effect. Penn's face softened and he chuckled at her. Then, before she could prevent it, he closed the gap between them in one quick step. With one hand gripping her shoulder, the other cupping her chin, Penn leaned in and kissed her firmly on the mouth.

Shelby's mind failed her completely in that moment and she stood, startled, being kissed by a non-related male for the first time in her life, by her new neighbor.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .. ... ... ...

"I will lay the smack upon you," Shelby said, her face serious, her eyes locked on his. She bit her lip after she said it, her arms remaining crossed. Her bravery for standing up for her friends, even though she was clearly unsure in this social setting, and her beautiful face pale and determined, all drew Penn in. He was completely and hopelessly under this strange girl's spell and he acted without thinking, moving towards her and kissing her.

She froze when he did, but didn't pull away, immediately. Her lips were soft, her skin smelled clean and faintly floral, and her shoulder under his hand was both soft and pleasantly firm. Suddenly she uncrossed her arms, and pushed him off herself with a cry.

"Dear lord!" She yelped, shaking her hands in the air as if they were covered with filth. Penn licked his lips and stared at her.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he said, apologetically. Shelby nodded at him, lifting the hem of her shirt to wipe frantically at her mouth and chin.

"You're damn right you shouldn't have done that! Oh god, I'll need to bathe in bleach," she moaned. Her hands frantically tore into her purse and she yanked out a bottle of Purell, squirting some onto her hands and rubbing it frantically all over them, before swiping some over her chin and even her lips. Penn watched with wide eyes.

"Shelby, please, I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself -" She held a hand up in the air to stop him. She pressed her lips together and frowned, looking at him in a confused way.

"First - you had better hope you haven't passed on some form of contagious illness to me or I will make you regret it," she snapped. Shelby put a hand on her doorknob, leaning away from him, obviously looking to make a quick escape, if needed.

"Secondly, I suppose this explains why you have been staring at me all day - you were analyzing me as a potential mate, which certainly makes sense. I am intelligent, accomplished, healthy, and have the symmetry and low body fat that western culture deems desirable," she told him seriously.

Penn gaped at her, struck by her apparent awareness of her own looks, but also how she causally seemed to disregard them as nothing important; she was so different from any other woman he had ever met, so damn strange... it made him want to kiss her again.

Shelby cleared her throat, her eyes wary. "I am not interested in a physical relationship, Penn. I am wholly dedicated to my intellectual pursuits, and I have never understood the driving need for a partner and for sexual encounters," she spoke hurriedly.

Penn felt his heart sink, but he noticed she was still flushed, her gaze continuing to bounce between his eyes and his mouth. He took a step back, to give her some room and she seemed to breath easier. Penn raised a blonde eyebrow at her, skeptically.

"I can't believe that, Shelby," he said in a dry tone. Shelby swallowed and curled her fingers around the strap of her messenger bag purse. He pointed at her.

"You claim to be a scientist, but here you are passing judgement on something you have never experienced. Aren't scientists supposed to research things, experiment first-hand before making up their minds on something?" Penn was pretty proud of himself, he watched her face twist as she considered his words and when she pursed her lips in frustration, he knew that he'd actually made a valid point.

"How do you know that I have not already 'researched' this?" She asked, her voice haughty. Her face flushed bright red, giving her away, and Penn laughed. Shelby glowered at him.

"Don't laugh at me," she said, angrily. Penn shook his head and held a hand up to beg her patience.

"Shelby, I can't believe you've been so closed minded! I thought geniuses were always open to learning more," he replied. Shelby eyes went wide and she clenched her jaw, before stomping a foot on the ground.

"I am not close minded!" She shot back.

"Then prove it," Penn challenged, "Try it out, try out a physical relationship. If you are not interested by the end, I'll leave you alone." Shelby turned to the door, her hand twitching on the knob. She glanced back at him in panicked indecision and he realized that he was close to pushing this too far.

"Ok, think about it, Shelby, and get back to me. I'm willing to be your guinea pig here. I think you're great and I would be honored to teach you how wrong you are." She scowled again and he smiled teasingly at her.

"I am always willing to learn things," she stated flatly, "But I feel like you are trying to trick me for your own benefit." Penn nodded at her, drinking in her beautiful face, her tall form, her unique style.

"Oh, I'll benefit, there's no doubt," he paused and moved closer, leaning down to her, speaking softly in her ear, not touching her, "But so will you, I can absolutely guarantee that." He saw her chest hitch up and down and she abruptly opened her door, almost falling into her apartment. He stood outside the door and winked at her.

"I like you, Shelby Cooper. I've stated my case. Have a good night." He bent in a quick bow, and shot her a heated smile before turning and heading into his apartment, forcing himself not to look back at her.

Regardless of the outcome, he was glad he had pursued his feelings and instincts with her, instead of holding them in. He couldn't imagine them dancing around each other for years, especially when he knew, _just knew_, how great they could be together.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Shelby shut her apartment door and leaned heavily against it, her heart thudding away in her chest at an alarming rate.

_I like you, Shelby Cooper._

He certainly seemed to. Shelby pressed a cool hand to her hot forehead and wondered if she was losing her mind. She started moving, hanging her bag on her computer chair and going to her bedroom to grab her designated pj's before taking a shower.

She stood under the rushing water and scrubbed at the bare skin of her shoulder, at her chin and her mouth. She thought about his proposition. Experimenting with a physical relationship.

She reluctantly admitted to herself that he was right, she was judging the entire enterprise based off what she had observed in others and her own assumptions. She had no practical experience. It drove her up the wall when other people judged her own life and interests without knowing a single thing about them first-hand; was she guilty of the same kind of judgement, all this time?

Shelby turned her back to the shower spray and let the hot water run over her tense muscles. He was a very attractive male. She swallowed hard as she thought about the feeling of his strong hand cupping her chin, the kiss, firm but soft, his lips eagerly pressed to hers. His breath had been minty. She could smell his shampoo and aftershave, the scents combined had given her a heady rush. But she worried about germs, swiping a hand absent-mindedly at her mouth, even at the thought now.

As she toweled off she thought that germs might not be the biggest concern, there were always showers, Purell, hand washing, teeth brushing - before and after any interactions they might have. So she was forced to admit that germs were not reason enough.

She leaned towards the mirror, for once pausing to really look at herself. She knew what her real hesitation with Penn was: Her own inexperience and his obvious expertise in the physical arena. She did not like knowing less than other people about anything.

Her wide blue eyes looked back at her from the mirror, framed by a thick fringe of dark lashes. She put a hand slowly up to her lips, touching them tentatively. _Kissing felt good_, she thought, wonderingly, _at least Penn's kiss did_.

She briefly imagined what it would have felt like to run a hand through his golden hair. Her body shuddered and she leaned a forehead against the mirror, the tantalizing image almost too much for her. Shelby looked into her own desperate eyes and knew that she would probably agree.

She had to sleep on it first, though.


	10. Chapter 10

**Enjoy! TBBT is certainly not mine :)**

Shelby's dreams that night were deliciously disturbing. She awoke the next morning flushed and inflamed with thoughts of Penn. Sitting up in bed, the covers pooling around her waist, Shelby grasped handfuls of the sheets and looked around the room with wide eyes. _What's wrong with me?_ Dreams like that were very unusual for someone who normally dreamed about working or Comic-Con.

Shelby pushed out of bed and stood in her yellow plaid pj's in the middle of the room, trying very hard to banish the lingering memories of the dream from her mind. _His strong arms held her tightly and she could feel his heart against her chest, beating wildly to match her own. _

"Oh, what fresh hell is this?" She whispered to herself, her hand clutching at the neck of her pjs. Shelby ran her hands through her hair and took a steadying breath before opening her bedroom door and making her way down the hall to the kitchen. Lenore greeted her from her perch on a stool, a mug of coffee curled in her hands.

"Morning, Shel," she said sleepily. Shelby nodded at her friend.

"Good morning, Lenore. How are you feeling?" Shelby inquired politely. Lenore turned her bloodshot eyes over to meet Shelby's and it was easy to see that Lenore had probably had a little too much to drink the night before and was paying for it now.

"I've been better," Lenore said, wryly. Shelby nodded and pulled out a bowl and spoon for her cereal. She put a kettle of water on to boil for her tea and sat next to Lenore.

"I need to talk to you about something," Shelby said slowly. Lenore turned to look at her and Shelby brought her eyes shyly up to her friend's weary face.

"Well?" Lenore prodded, after Shelby had merely stared at her for a long moment. Shelby cleared her throat and got up, moving away from Lenore to pace in the living room. Lenore watched her progress back and forth before finally slamming her mug down on the counter.

"Shelby, for gods sake, you're making me motion-sick! What is it?" Lenore glared at her and Shelby took a deep breath, halting her pacing, and clasped her hands behind her back.

"Penn kissed me last night," Shelby declared, and watched as Lenore's face went through a series of emotions: jealousy, anger, disappointment, sadness, and finally anger again.

"How could you?" Lenore cried, her face turning red. Shelby shook her head.

"I didn't kiss him, I told you, _he_ kissed _me_. Out of nowhere, might I add," Shelby clarified. Lenore gaped at Shelby like she had suddenly grown a second head. Sliding off her stool, she stepped towards Shelby.

"What did you do?" Lenore asked, her curiosity overwhelming her anger. Shelby took that as a good sign. Clearing her throat, Shelby walked past Lenore, into the kitchen to pull her whistling kettle off the stove. She snapped the stove off and turned back to Lenore.

"I told him to stop and disinfected my skin where he had touched me," Shelby replied, as if that conclusion was obvious. Despite herself, Lenore shook her head in mild humor.

"Oh Shelby, that's awful," Lenore said in disbelief and mild disappointment. Shelby leaned towards Lenore in surprise.

"What are you talking about? Think of the germs - " Lenore cut her off by waving a hand in the air between them.

"Shelby, when a man like that decides to kiss you, you don't treat him like he's Typhoid Mary! That's rude!" Lenore exclaimed impatiently.

Shelby blinked; she hadn't thought about how such an action may have seemed to Penn. Could she really have hurt his feelings, on top of the way she'd already made him feel?

"So, what happened then?" Lenore asked, her eyebrows raised high. Shelby crossed her arms and looked around the room.

"I find this hard to say, because you are my friend, and I know that you harbor feelings for him, despite only knowing him for a few hours," Shelby said uncomfortably. Lenore rolled her eyes and gestured impatiently at Shelby.

"A few hours is apparently all it takes for Penn, so what does that matter?" Lenore's voice was thin, her bad mood leaking into her words. Shelby took a step closer.

"He proposed that we embark on an experiment, of sorts," she said, trying not to meet Lenore's narrowed eyes.

"Experiment? I'm a little confused," Lenore stared, looking baffled. Shelby couldn't help but think, _you and I both, sister_.

"Well, you know what my feelings are regarding physical intimacy, and sexual relationships, of any kind," Shelby told her friend, and Lenore nodded and tilted her head, waiting for the rest. Shelby continued, "I made those feelings clear to Penn and he suggested that I was being close minded on the matter."

Lenore guffawed and walked away, sitting lightly on the couch. She crossed her arms across her chest and leaned back on the cushions.

"And...?" Lenore asked. Shelby gripped her mug of tea in her hands and went to sit in her spot. She shifted to look over at Lenore.

"His argument was that, as a scientist, it seemed wrong of me to judge something so negatively when I had no basis of experience with which to judge it in the first place."

Lenore raised one eyebrow, but said nothing in response. Shelby took a sip of her tea, momentarily relishing the heat of it as it slid down her throat.

"He said he liked me a lot and wanted me to experiment with the notion of a physical relationship, with him. If I decided I still disliked it, after experiencing it, then that would be the end of it," Shelby concluded, and looked over at Lenore, waiting for her friend to say something.

Lenore looked away, then back at Shelby's face, and then away again, before rubbing her temples. "I can't believe I lost a guy to Shelby Cooper," she muttered, her fingers digging into her forehead. Lenore jumped to her feet and looked down at Shelby.

"Well, I hate to say it, but he's right, Shelby. It's like that time you didn't want to eat at Big Boy, remember? You argued about how it would never be as good as the burgers your father used to make," Lenore said, and Shelby nodded. Lenore had forced her to eat there and the rest was history; Shelby enjoyed burgers from Big Boy above all else.

"You would be missing out on your Tuesday burgers, if you hadn't gone against your own negative perception of Big Boy," her bespectacled roommate told her.

Shelby leaned back in her seat and looked past Lenore, her mind whirling. She thought about many of the things she loved, and how initially, for a lot of them, she had been leery of trying anything new. She wondered if it was possible that she would end up enjoying Penn as much as she enjoyed her Tuesday burgers. Her mind flashed to her dream and her brain shared a quick memory of his hands, and how they had felt on her, in that steamy nighttime reverie.

Shelby shot to her feet and started pacing again, her hands at her neck, clutching the lapel on her pjs again. Lenore watched her and her face softened.

"Geez, Shelby, you're really shaken up over this, aren't you?" She asked, not unkindly. Shelby turned to see her friend's face torn between sympathy and irritation.

Shelby bit her lip and said, haltingly, "Lenore, you know there is not much I would profess to have no knowledge of." Lenore nodded, a smirk on her face. Shelby continued, "I have no experience with this. None." Lenore knew that her reserved friend didn't date, didn't flirt, didn't even check men out to her knowledge, but her eyebrows shot up after running Shelby's words through her head again.

"Wait... are you saying that last night was your first kiss?" Shelby nodded at Lenore's question, a slow pink blush spreading across her cheeks.

"Shelby!" Lenore's voice was exasperated, "I always thought you'd maybe had some bad dates before I came along, and swore off men." Shelby shook her head.

"You're saying you've done nothing, dated no one, and up until last night, have had zero non-platonic physical contact with a man, ever?" Lenore pressed. Shelby released the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding and nodded at her friend. Lenore took a step forward and placed a hand on Shelby's arm. Shelby resisted the urge to pull it away.

"Shelby, how do you feel about him? Do you want to do this or are you just being stubborn? Proving someone wrong is no reason to do something like this," Lenore asked her gently.

Shelby froze, her whole body tensing up. Her eyes began darting around the room and she pressed her lips together, the blush growing deeper.

"Oh wow, you do like him," Lenore said slowly. Shelby shrugged and felt her face blazing, something that never happened. She was not someone who was frequently embarrassed by her own actions. Lenore's face split in a huge grin.

"Oh my god, Shelby likes a gu-uy, Shelby likes a gu-uy!" Lenore said in a sing song voice, turning from her friend to dance across the living room.

"I should hate you, but this is pretty astounding!" Lenore smiled at her and Shelby felt like a 50 lb weight had just been lifted from her chest.

"So, you aren't upset and you believe that I should -" Shelby began, but Lenore cut her off.

"You should get involved with Penn?" Lenore interjected. Shelby nodded. Lenore grabbed her arm and shook her a little. "Um duh, Shelby! Somehow, I don't know how, he decided he liked you over me, even though you come across as an ice queen. Have you seen the man? _Yes_ you go through with it!" Lenore was nearly shouting at her.

"There is no need to shout, Lenore."

"Well, get it through your thick skull, then."

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Penn awoke from a sleep fraught with dreams of Shelby. He lay in bed and stared up at his ceiling, his mind bouncing around from mental image to mental image. Shelby smiling at him, her blue eyes flashing promisingly. Shelby's thick mane of dark hair draped across his chest. Shelby's slim white hands. Her creamy skin.

_Oh god_, he thought, with a groan. He climbed out of bed and staggered to his bathroom where he threw himself in the shower, keeping it fairly cool. He turned his face up into the spray and pushed the dreams from his mind, playing over the events of the night before, instead. That kiss.

When he emerged from the shower, his blond hair wet and dripping down his face, he felt nervous, like a boy with his first crush, as he wondered what her decision would be. He knew that nothing as conventional as a date would fly with a girl like Shelby. He rubbed a towel over his hair and then wrapped it around his waist. _Pretty good idea with the experiment stuff_, he congratulated himself.

Making his way into the kitchen he looked around at the sea of boxes littering the apartment and wondered which one his coffee maker would be in. He headed over to the battered boxes that sat on the counter and began to rummage through them, letting out a whoop when he found the coffee maker in the second one, squashed next to the filters and a half empty can of coffee. His mind wandered to Kira and he felt a momentary slice of gratitude towards her, for helping him pack. Then Penn shook his head and forced his ex-girlfriend from his mind; what she had done to Shelby and Lenore pissed him off and he didn't want to waste time thinking about her anymore.

As the coffee finally began to brew, he picked up his cell phone and checked his email. His new boss informed him that his first shift would be Monday night, so he had today to himself to unpack. _And hopefully talk to Shelby_, he thought, a smile growing on his face.

He cleared a spot on the couch and sat down, in his towel, to drink the steaming mug of coffee in his hands. He thought he heard faint shouting across the hall and wondered what could be happening. It sounded like Lenore. Swallowing a gulp of burning hot black coffee too quickly, he clutched at his throat, grimacing. He glanced over at his door, guessing that Shelby had probably told Lenore about last night.

He knew that the shorter physicist had a crush on him, but he also knew it would have never worked with her. She was sweet, and he knew certain guys would have been head over heels for the petite brunette, but not himself. He needed someone who could challenge him; Lenore would mould herself to him, do and say whatever she thought he wanted, never pushing back. He idly wondered if he knew anyone he could set her up with. Draining the last of his coffee, he made his way back to the tiny kitchen to pour another cup.

Knocking at his door grabbed his attention and he set the cup down on the counter.

_Knock knock knock_

"Penn."

_Knock knock knock_

"Penn."

_Knock knock knock_

"Penn."

Shelby's voice was slightly muffled from behind the door but he felt a huge grin growing on his face and made his way towards it, shaking his head in amusement at her knock. He reached for the handle and pulled the door open wide, holding it in one hand.

"Shelby, good morning," he said pleasantly. She looked as good as he remembered. Her hair hung loose in natural waves down her back. His eyes skated over her face, lovely without the aid of make-up. She was wearing a blue t-shirt with a big Superman 'S' on the chest, over top of a long sleeved grey shirt, fitted in a way that displayed the graceful slenderness of her arms.

Her khaki pants hugged her hips and legs and just touched the ground, partially covering her sneakers. He licked his lips and swallowed, realizing he'd been very obviously feasting his eyes on her. He looked back up to apologize for being so rude, when he noticed her face was startled, her eyes huge, her mouth hanging open as her gaze darted over his naked chest and arms, down to where the towel was wrapped around his waist.

Her eyes met his and she flushed.

"I just had a shower, sorry -"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare -" They spoke over one another and then stopped. Penn smiled at her and gestured inside his apartment.

"Please, come in. I just showered. Make yourself comfortable and I'll go get changed real quick," Penn said casually, as if his pulse wasn't racing, as if he didn't want to grab her and pin her to the wall in a passionate embrace.

Shelby dipped her head in agreement, averting her eyes as she stepped past him and made her way to the couch. She sat down carefully, with her usual calm grace and Penn nearly tripped and fell over a box, he was so busy watching her, instead of where he was going.

_Get a grip, Penn, don't make an idiot of yourself._


	11. Chapter 11

**Enjoy! TBBT isn't mine :)**

She had truly been prepared to talk with Penn, she really had. With Lenore's somewhat envious approval in her pocket, Shelby had quickly gotten dressed in her Sunday clothes and hurried to get ready, before nearly dashing across the hall to knock on Penn's door. As her customary knocking habit rattled out, she had forced herself to breathe and remain calm, determined to be in control of today's conversation.

Then he opened his door nearly naked. Shelby saw his welcoming grin and then her eyes were drawn irresistibly down. He looked just as good as he did yesterday, wrapped in a towel, except now his hair was tousled and damp, his face slightly scruffy as he hadn't shaved yet.

Her eyes moved slowly over the planes of his chest, her heart stuttering, her breathing not nearly as controlled as it had been a moment before. He was standing close enough to touch and she nearly had to tuck her hands into her pockets to keep from reaching her tentative fingers out to find out what the tan skin of Penn's torso felt like under it's smattering of blond hair.

He invited her in and she had moved in a daze to the couch, sitting slowly, trying to refocus herself as she heard him disappear into the bedroom behind her. Her eyes opened a little wider as she looked around the room, feeling her toes curl inside her shoes.

_Everything is Everywhere_, she thought in horrified alarm. She couldn't understand how Penn had even managed to sleep with the knowledge of these boxes in his mind. She knew that she would have to do something about this, the pressure on her brain brought by this scattered chaos would be too much for her to bear. _First the experiment, then this mess,_ she thought, bargaining with herself.

She whirled around when she heard Penn emerge from his bedroom, dressed in a pair of long blue surf shorts and a grey t-shirt. He smiled at her and she felt compelled to return his smile. When he sat on the couch, he purposefully seemed to leave a cushion of space between them.

"So," he began, running a hand through his rumpled, sun-kissed hair, "I'm really glad you came by this morning." Shelby watched his hands and then nodded at him, rearranging herself a little on the couch.

"I have obviously come to discuss your proposition from last night," Shelby stated, looking from her hands, curled together in her lap, up to his face, and then back to her hands again. Penn nodded encouragingly at her.

"I find, against my better judgement, that I am physically attracted to you, Penn. This is a new experience for me, and I am still not fully certain why you evoke this in me, although I will endeavor to find out," Shelby explained, turning in her seat to look over at Penn. His face was still, and she could almost see his mind trying to get ahead of itself, sifting through her words, looking for a yes or a no.

"On the basis of that attraction, I find that I am not opposed to the idea of experimenting with a physical relationship, with you," she clarified for him.

Penn grinned at that and slid a little closer to her. Shelby leaned back against the arm of the couch, her heart fluttering as she tried to move away. She held a hand up between them and had to grit her teeth when she felt her hand connect with his chest.

"Wait," she ordered, her mind fumbling along, tripping over words. Her fingers skittered across the soft cotton of his shirt, hinting at the firm muscle beneath.

"Penn, please let me finish," she told him. He nodded, and leaned back a little, raising an eyebrow at her. Shelby let her hand drop down into her lap, trying to ignore the itch her fingers felt, wanting to touch him again.

"There must of course be rules to this experiment," she started. Penn smiled and nodded and Shelby breathed a little easier, glad that his reaction to the notion of rules was positive, that she wasn't asking anything ridiculous.

"Rule 1 - we will move at my pace, if that is too slow for you, then I'm afraid the experiment will come to an immediate end. Rule 2 - if I am uncomfortable with something and do not wish to partake in that particular activity, then it does not and will not happen."

Penn smiled at her and replied, "Of course, Shelby, I'm not saying I want us to fool around and do everything in one afternoon. I want you to be happy. I want this to work. I think we'd make a pretty awesome team." Penn's green eyes held hers and Shelby found herself having to focus hard to respond. _Come on, Cooper, stay in the game_.

"Rule 3 - I am not looking for a romantic relationship, please do not try to turn this into one. I am approaching this from a purely scientific standpoint," Shelby added. Penn gaped at her for a moment. He was slowly shaking his head and Shelby felt her heart sink; she hadn't anticipated an argument this early.

"Shelby," he started, his voice amused, "We don't have to immediately become a couple, but this will be a relationship of sorts, and part of the fun of a physical relationship is the lead up to the really fun moments. Like, holding hands in public, kissing on dates, hugging as a way of saying hello. This won't be happening in a science lab, it's going to be the full meal deal for you to truly experience it properly."

Penn placed his palms flat in his knees, looking at her expectantly. Shelby got to her feet, to pace, as she typically did when she was perturbed, but found his apartment in poor shape for pacing.

"There is not enough space in here," she said, shooting him a pointed look. Penn got to his feet and stood next to her, gently and slowly taking her hands in his and pulling her back to the couch, to sit down.

"Chill out, Shelby, take a seat and let's finish discussing this," he said soothingly, as she sat next to him. She slowly pulled her hands from his grasp, her breath catching in her throat when he gripped her fingers for a moment before letting her go. She crossed her arms across her chest and cleared her throat to continue.

"I understand what you are saying, I had no intention of us carrying on a physical relationship in a science lab. I don't imagine that would be comfortable or conducive to sexual interaction," Shelby explained, nodding at him, and Penn chuckled. He leaned back against the arm on his side of the couch and opened his mouth to talk, but Shelby held a finger up to stop him.

"Let me finish, please," she said quietly, her jaw tight, "This topic is very difficult for me and I just need to explain everything to you, please." Penn nodded and buried his smile, waving a hand at her to continue.

"Rule 4 - Cleanliness is paramount. We will clean our hands, brush our teeth and shower whenever possible before our interactions, to ensure that a minimal amount of germs are spread." Shelby was dead serious and her brow drew down when she saw his lips twitch in amusement.

Penn cleared his throat and told her, "Sorry, absolutely, whenever possible, got it." Shelby nodded at him slowly and ticked off another point on her fingers.

"Rule 5..." Shelby trailed off, not sure what to say next. She had never felt so stupid in her life. She felt like her IQ dropped dozens of points simply by being in the same room as this man, she was so unable to think straight. Penn smiled warmly at her, his eyes bright. He leaned towards her.

"I agree to everything," he said, his voice low. Shelby sat still as he slowly moved an arm behind her shoulders, wrapping it around her, his other hand snaking up slowly into her hair. She watched him bend his face to hers, her breath strangled, her heart thumping audibly. Her body was torn between melting at his warm, firm touch and twitching at the unfamiliar contact. He closed his eyes as his lips connected with hers and she slowly tried to give herself over to the moment, surrendering control to him, a monumental task for herself.

This kiss was less frantic than last night's had been. He moved more slowly, the hand on her shoulder blades slowly pressing her towards him. Her face tilted up towards him, his other hand wrapped languidly in her hair, deliciously clenching and unclenching handfuls of it, as if it were the finest silk.

His lips on hers were warm, soft, and pleasant. Shelby knew she should be analyzing the moment a little more closely, for science. But she couldn't, instead she moved one of her hands up to grasp lightly at his bicep, and the other hand moved slowly up to rest on his collarbone, gently. Penn pressed her a little more firmly towards himself, her back arching slightly with the movement, and Shelby felt the tip of his tongue press gently against her lips.

Though it was not unpleasant, Shelby felt like she was in overload and broke off the kiss, leaning away from him, her hands pushing herself off of him.

"How was that?" Penn finally asked her, his voice slightly haggard. Shelby looked over at him, aware that the warmth in her face meant she was likely blushing. She nodded slowly at him as she swallowed hard, the look in his eyes making it hard to breath for a moment.

"Fascinating," she managed to answer, and that seemed to break the hazy spell because Penn started to laugh, very hard. He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the lips and chuckled.

"That's the first 'fascinating' I've ever gotten," he chuckled, squeezing her shoulder with one large hand before sitting back on his side of the couch. Shelby smiled helplessly, simply because he was. Looking around the room to try and calm her thundering heart Shelby felt her lips curl at the sight of so much disorder. She whirled back to Penn.

"Are you going to fix this today?" She said, waving a hand at the apartment around them. Penn nodded and then shrugged, a smirk on his face, before saying, "Maybe? Probably?" Shelby got to her feet and he seemed to rethink his answer. "Yes?" He offered.

"In return for this experiment, you will of course be prepared to accommodate my very specific likes, dislikes and interests in all other facets of life," she said clearly andlooked down at him, her hands clasped behind her back. Penn nodded, his face wary, but still amused.

"We will clean this now, I will help, you will listen, otherwise I cannot be in this apartment anymore, the mess is literally cluttering my mind," Shelby told him. Penn got to his feet and nodded, saluting her at the same time.

"Aye aye, Captain," he teased. Shelby let a small smile play across her lips as she turned to the first box, one by their feet.

"I'm not touching that box, it is filthy, open it and tell me what is in there and I'll tell you where it should go."

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Penn was entranced watching her mind work. She looked at the contents of each box with studied concentration for a minute or two and then began pointing at various hooks, shelves and sections of his apartment, explaining specifically which method of display or organization made the most sense. It was just unpacking boxes, but her brilliant mind was still very evident and he surprised himself by finding that as much of a turn-on as everything else about her.

He played back their kiss on the couch, while he carefully broke down emptied boxes, as per her instructions. Shelby's hair was so lovely, thick and soft, he had wanted to bury his face in it, to feel it rub all over his skin. The hand he had pressed to her back had felt her twitching muscles, the delicacy of her shoulder blades, and while pressing her towards himself, he had felt her bend willingly, almost eagerly.

He had forced himself to keep the kiss gentle, steady and slow, despite his baser urges. Urges that wanted to clutch her to his chest, tear off her clothes and have her in the bedroom, immediately.

He glanced up and looked across the room at Shelby. She was standing on a chair, carefully placing some small knick knacks his mother had sent him on the top shelf of his tall bookshelf. He watched her body stretched up, as her arms reached above her head, positioning each item just so.

His eyes were drawn to the small sliver of skin that appeared when her shirts lifted up from the waist of her pants. That peek of her smooth stomach had him moving silently, as if in a trance, across the room to her. He stood behind her and reached a hand up to gently trace the exposed section of skin. Shelby jumped a little and looked down at him, startled.

"Is this ok?" He whispered, his hand moving lightly along her side and she swallowed and nodded. His palm rested flat on her stomach, and then darted lightly under the bottom of the shirt. Her skin was smooth, her stomach flat, firm but yielding. He traced a line across her stomach, feeling her skin goose bump.

His palm passed over her navel before traveling across the dip of her waist, onto her back. Penn let his fingers move slowly along the skin just above her pants, stopping at the centre of her back. He began to trace his fingers upwards, feeling them bump slowly up the faint indents of her spine.

He marvelled at such perfect skin, at her delicate but deeply sensual figure, he moved his other hand to her side and, gripping her hips from each side, he pulled her towards him, pressing her body to his, so his head rested lightly on her chest. He pulled her further towards himself, stepping back from the chair and lifting her easily to the floor.

Shelby's hands fluttered to his shoulders, where she rested them, as he slowly put her down, allowing their bodies to skim along one another. When her feet were flat on the ground, her hands gripped his shoulders, and she turned her face up to his, her eyes hazy, wondering and wide.

He leaned down and kissed her forehead, then her nose, then pressed a kiss to her mouth, his hands tracing lightly up her sides, from her hips, to her ribcage, to her shoulders, to her neck, to finally cup her face. He pulled back from the kiss and saw how dilated her pupils were. They stared at each other for a long moment.

When she finally spoke her voice was rasping, her breath slightly ragged, but the small smile of stunned pleasure on her face let him know she was very happy. "That's enough for now," she said softly, but firmly.

Penn released her and continued to stare at her flushed face. She licked her lips and added, quietly yet forcefully, "Get back to work, it's awful in here."


	12. Chapter 12

**** Thanks for all the great reviews and follows everyone! I'm seriously loving that other people are enjoying this story besides me, haha... ** As always I OWN NOTHING ****

"I can't believe we managed to do everything," Penn said, looking over at her in frank admiration. Shelby smiled and swept a hand through the air in front of herself.

"It wasn't nearly as complicated or as messy as I thought it was going to be," she replied, getting to her feet and straightening her shirt. Penn stood up and picked up the pile of broken down cardboard boxes on the floor.

"I'm going to take these down to the recycling bin, I shouldn't take long," he told her, peeking his head around the armload of dirty boxes. Shelby nodded and smiled, pointing vaguely back at her apartment.

"I really must be going. I neglected my laundry yesterday night and that has kept me quite off balance, so I need to attend to it immediately," she said urgently. Shelby's fingers twitched a little at the thought of the basket of laundry in her room, teeming with germs and growing larger by the second (at least in her mind). Penn gave her a slow nod and pointed to the door with his chin.

"Care to open the door for me?" He requested, Shelby did so immediately and stepped out into the hall, Penn following her. She moved behind him to shut the door for him and when she turned around he had his head tilted towards her.

"I'll see you later then?" He asked, his eyes bright. Shelby paused and shook her head.

"I must complete my laundry immediately, following that, I must visit the grocery store for my weekly trip," she explained. Penn took a step towards her, and spoke in a low voice, "Well, imagine that, I also need groceries." She stared blankly at him for a moment, wondering if he intended for her to purchase his grocery items for him. She opened her mouth to protest but caught the inviting smile on his face.

"Are you saying you wish to accompany me to the grocery store?" She asked carefully, hoping she wasn't misunderstanding. He nodded and Shelby couldn't help but smile.

"Normally, Lenore drives me there and back, dropping me off and picking me up. I am sure she will be relieved to avoid that task, as she usually does nothing but complain the entire time," Shelby said ruefully. Penn had to chuckle. Shelby surprised herself and him, by leaning forward and giving Penn a light peck on the lips. She nearly ran to her apartment door in fear of her own actions afterwards.

"I will...uhh, see you... later. Later I will see you... for the groceries," Shelby stopped, her brain freezing in horror at her own ineptitude, the act of kissing Penn of her own volition was causing her to bumble and fumble for even the most basic social skills. Penn grinned at her.

"I'm looking forward to it," he said, his voice rich with promise. Shelby felt herself blush and turned to walk into her apartment, smacking face first into the door, realizing too late that she hadn't actually opened the door yet.

She swallowed hard and refused to look back at him, sure her entire body was now flaming red. Blindly, her face still pressed against the door, Shelby's hand grappled with the handle and she finally managed to push the door open, spinning to slam it shut behind her once she was inside the apartment. She stood stiffly and breathed in and out slowly.

"Wolowizkid, AFK." Shelby's shoulders hunched when she heard Hailey's familiar voice from the couch behind her. She turned around slowly and saw her three friends seated on the couch and armchair, their headsets and mics firmly planted on their heads, their laptops open on their laps. All three of them were gaping at Shelby, and Shelby opened her mouth to say something, but found her brain was still recovering from the influence of Penn's presence.

"Good day," she managed, nodding at them, her voice only slightly strangled. She walked quickly into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. She tore the lid off and chugged the water desperately, her mouth and throat suddenly dry as dust. When she had drained the entire bottle, she glanced over at the couch and found her friends staring at her still, their expressions no longer astonished, but ranging from hurt, to irritated, to disappointment. Blinking rapidly several times, Shelby nodded at them again.

"Raiding?" She asked, knowing that Sunday was usually a day when they took part in raids in World of Warcraft, if they weren't playing paintball. Rajni nodded and then turned back to her screen, shaking her dark-haired head at the dirty looks Lenore and Hailey simultaneously shot her.

"We aren't speaking to you," Lenore informed her roommate, her voice haughty. Shelby frowned slightly and then shrugged.

"Alright then," Shelby said easily. She walked down the hallway, wondering why Lenore always felt the need to point out the obvious. '_We aren't speaking to you', well obviously you're weren't, since you haven't spoken until right now_. Shelby sighed as she went into the bathroom and locked the door. She turned the shower to hot and flung her clothes into the hamper.

Her time with Penn had been truly fascinating. Pulling her hair into a messy bun on top of her head, she wondered at how his hands felt searing hot one moment and then delightfully cool the next. Shelby stepped under the hot spray of water and began to scrub herself with soap.

She was proud of herself for reigning in her fear of germs, not only allowing Penn to touch her, but even enjoying it. This worked well for her, she didn't feel that she was at a health risk, since she could shower shortly after her interludes with him. Rinsing off, she remembered his grin of pleasure seeing his apartment tidy, organized and perfectly arranged. They hadn't had a chance to tackle his bedroom and his clothes there, but she knew that they could complete that another day. _Perhaps tomorrow evening._

Shelby stepped from the shower and toweled off, and then wrapped the towel around herself, before strolling to her bedroom. She sighed and looked in her closet. The downside to Penn's arrival in her life was how badly her schedule was being thrown off. She missed Laundry Night and was therefore forced to do it today, and to make matters worse, she had already used her emergency outfit yesterday and was going to be forced to pick an outfit out now, something she hated to do spur of the moment. _Picking out clothing is only supposed to happen on Laundry Night_, she thought uncomfortably.

Straightening her shoulders, Shelby bravely strode over to her dresser; today was chock full of new and unnerving activities, it seemed to her. She swiftly pulled out underthings, a pair of blue and black plaid pants, a blue long-sleeved undershirt and blue socks. She pulled open her t-shirt drawer and stared down at the available choices.

She understood colors well enough to know which ones were not aesthetically pleasing together and given that the blue undershirt was the only one she had left clean, her choices were narrowed down to a light blue t-shirt that had a Stormtrooper on the front, whimsically pointing to his left, the words "I'm With Vader" emblazoned below him, or a simple black shirt, with the words "Winter is Coming" etched across the chest, underlined by the large sword, 'Ice'.

Shelby went with humor this time, choosing the Stormtrooper. She left her hair up in the bun, deciding that given the annoyance of carrying the extra-large load of laundry all the way downstairs, it might be better to just keep her hair out of her way. Dragging her large laundry basket out of her room, she stopped at the linen closet in the hall to remove her folding board, laundry soap, and fabric softener from their storage spot (a small box labelled with 'Laundry Related Items') and then dumped the laundry from the basket in the bathroom into her basket as well.

Dragging the large load out to the living room, all three of her friends turned their faces to her and Lenore and Hailey scowled at her. Sighing, Shelby put the basket down and went to grab another bottle of water, to drink in the laundry room. She heard murmurs of irritation behind her.

"Oh for heaven's sake, Lenore, Hailey," Shelby said sharply, leveling an impatient look at her friends, "I hate these games you play. Tell me what is bothering you or learn some self-control and keep your annoyances better hidden." Lenore folded her arms across her chest and got her feet.

"I'm mad at you about the whole Penn thing," Lenore said, sulkily. Shelby tilted her head to the side, confused.

"'Penn thing'? Do you mean the experimental physical relationship he proposed to me last night and that you encouraged me to follow through with this morning?" Shelby's voice was curious, no trace of sarcasm. Lenore pressed her lips together and nodded. Shelby stared at her, confused.

"I understood that you were initially upset with Penn's interest in myself, but that throughout the course of our conversation, you had concluded that it was not my doing and you yourself, quite vociferously, urged me to take up his offer," Shelby stated, her voice inquisitive, her expression still showing disquiet at this sudden turn in Lenore's emotions. Her roommate nodded again, more slowly this time and she finally replied, "Well, yes, but Hailey told me that I should definitely still be upset, and I am!"

Shelby's eyes shot to Hailey's face, who was nodding smugly from her seat. A dark eyebrow quirked up and Hailey's smugness faltered a moment, before she got to her feet to stand next to Lenore.

"Please," Shelby began, her voice tolerant, "Do explain why Lenore should be upset with me again." Hailey cleared her throat, somewhat theatrically, Shelby felt, and spread her hands in front of herself.

"You broke the code, Shelby. You should never poach on another huntresses' territory." Shelby's face remained impassive, her eyes blinking rapidly for a moment as she tried to process Hailey's words.

"Forgive me, Hailey, I'm afraid that what you just said made no sense and did not seem to apply to our situation at all. I am unaware of any 'codes' governing my life, and I am not a huntress."

Hailey planted her hands on her hips in frustration and leaned towards Shelby, her tone belligerent when she cried, "Shelby! Come on, you knew Lenore was interested in Penn and you went after him anyways. That's a crappy thing to do to a friend, how can you not see that? Lenore staked her claim to him first, he's off limits."

Shelby had a brief flash of her hands resting on Penn's chest, of their bodies pressed against one another; images from earlier today, and she had to choke back her sudden desire to laugh at the notion of Penn being off limits to her.

Shelby stood up as tall as she could, squaring her shoulders. Her eyes locked onto Hailey's and with a stern expression on her face, she explained the situation in a voice that clearly expected no arguments.

"Penn is not a belonging. I don't believe that simply desiring him instantly creates a claim of ownership. As I have already explained to Lenore, he kissed me first, he approached me, he told me that he wanted to have this type of relationship with me. He is a confident and forward man, if he was interested in pursuing any form of relationship with Lenore, he would have done so at the same speed with which he pursued me." She took a step towards her smaller friends, her brow drawing down as her tone grew even more serious.

"I explained all of this to Lenore, I went to her first thing this morning to inform her of what happened, to minimize her upset and embarrassment. She expressed her displeasure that he was not interested in her, but then proceeded to urge me that I should do this with Penn. It was only after Lenore gave her approval and encouragement that I went to speak to him."

Shelby took a deep breath and glanced up at Rajni, who was sitting on the couch, her eyes shining. When she met Shelby's eyes, she gave her tall friend a thumbs up behind Hailey and Lenore's backs.

"It appears," Shelby started, her eyes moving to Lenore's, "That you took the first opportunity available to make me the villain, in order to have our friends bolster your self-pity, so you could bury your feelings of inadequacy under a veil of ill-will towards me."

Lenore shifted uncomfortably and avoided Shelby's eyes. Hailey looked over at Lenore, a look of irritation growing in her eyes. She looked back up at Shelby.

"I didn't know all of that, Shelby," Hailey offered, before continuing with, "Sorry?" Shelby gave her a tight smile and nodded, saying, "Apology excepted - ack!" Hailey swooped in to hug her and Shelby grabbed her skinny shoulders to pry her off.

"I must do my laundry!" She cried, trying to extract herself from this awkward hug and even more uncomfortable situation in her living room. She leapt back from Hailey, who was grinning impishly at her.

Lenore pursed her lips before stepping towards Shelby and saying quietly and reluctantly, "Sorry Shelby, I was just jealous." Shelby nodded briefly, ignoring the feeling of hurt swelling in her stomach, from yet another behind-the-back betrayal by her best friend.

"Accepted," Shelby replied, picking up her laundry basket to use as a shield in case Lenore harbored a desire to hug her as well.

Lenore returned to the couch and Shelby made for the door. Her hand paused on the door knob when she heard Hailey say happily from the couch, "Hey! Now that Shelby has a boyfriend, she's obligated to have him hook us up with his single friends!"

Shelby couldn't even turn around, she was so eager to escape any further 'girl talk', and completely horrified at the notion of ever making such a request to Penn. Lenore and Rajni murmured happily at the thought and Shelby quickly scooted out the door, shutting it swiftly behind herself.

The hallway was empty and Shelby breathed a sigh of relief. _Drama, drama, drama_, she thought with exasperation, walking tiredly down the stairs. By the time she reached the laundry room, her arms were shaking from the heavy basket. She tried desperately to ignore that the light in the laundry room was all wrong; a mid-afternoon light was blazing through the small window, not the shades of outdoor light that usually came at 8:15pm.

Separating her laundry into colors, fabrics, and washing requirements, Shelby mentally vowed to discuss her schedule with Penn, there could be no more of this willy-nilly beatnik behavior. She enjoyed his touch, but they had to follow a time-table or it would mean utter chaos in her specifically ordered life.

When her first couple of loads were in, Shelby peered up at the window located above the washing machines. The afternoon sun was definitely making her antsy, she felt like she was doing something taboo by standing in the warm shafts of sunlight. Her gaze crawled around the room and landed on a piece of cardboard laying next to the folding table. She bent down and grabbed it and climbed on top of the washing machine directly below the window. Stretching up, her feet balanced on either side of the machine, she carefully slid the cardboard between the bars covering the window and tucked the cardboard up against the window.

Sighing in satisfaction, Shelby smiled smugly at the window. _There, now the light is right_, she thought as her churning mind began to calm itself. She spun around and nearly tumbled backwards off the machine when she heard chuckling from the door. Penn was standing there, his arms folded casually across his chest as he leaned against the side of the doorway.

"Whatcha doin'?" He asked. Shelby felt her eyes go wide as she stood on the washer, one hand braced against the wall.

"Fixing the light," she finally answered, knowing it sounded crazy. Penn laughed again and made his way over to her.

"And here I thought you'd be doing laundry."

"I am," she insisted turning around to tower over him. He held his hands out to her when he was close.

"Let me help you down, before you kill yourself," he said. Shelby nodded and took his hands, momentarily distracted by how well her own hands fit inside his larger ones. Using him for balance, she lowered herself down to sit on the washer, prepared to hop off from there. Penn released her hands and stood in front of her, their faces level, and he put a hand on either side of her hips, leaning in towards her.

His breath blew softly in her face, smelling minty, as he spoke to her, "Want some company?"


	13. Chapter 13

***** Hey everyone, thanks for your continued support, it's wonderful! I'm really liking writing this story, Penn and Shelby are a lot of fun - it's neat to mix the quirks of Sheldon with a feminine mind :) As per usual I OWN NOTHING *****

Shelby tucked the last pair of folded socks into her sock drawer with a feeling of complete and satisfying closure. She walked over to her closet and gloated over the rows of neatly hung outfits, each carefully placed on a hanger labelled with its day or purpose. When all of the laundry was officially done, Shelby glanced at her phone to check the time; 4:30pm.

_Oh lord, it's late_, she thought anxiously. Her stomach churned slowly as she thought about grocery shopping at this hour. She was normally arriving home at this time after her weekly grocery trip, just in time to prepare dinner, eat it, clean up and then settle in to watch her normal Sunday evening television shows.

Shelby left her bedroom to head into the living room, where Penn was sitting on the couch next to Hailey.

"So, you see, it's really the only option," Hailey concluded, nodding her head at Penn. Shelby paused for a moment on the stair, trying to determine the mood of the room. Penn looked amused, Hailey serious and determined, and Lenore - Shelby looked around and couldn't see Lenore anywhere.

"Where is Lenore?" She asked them. Both heads turned to hers and Penn smiled at her, stirring up a fluttering feeling in her chest. She squashed the feeling and raised an eyebrow at them. Hailey rubbed her hands together and answered.

"She's in her room," Hailey stated, and she hunched towards Shelby, her voice lowered in a crafty half-whisper, "I think she's avoiding _you know who._" Shelby nodded and looked over at Penn, worried he might be uncomfortable, but he just winked at her and got to his feet, picking up the cloth grocery bags that were folded neatly together and sitting at his feet.

"Well, we should probably head out then. I don't want to make things weird around here," Penn said, holding his hand out to Shelby. She surprised herself by taking it easily and slung her purse over her shoulder with her free hand.

"Oh, no, there's nothing weird here," Hailey mumbled and Shelby looked at her sharply over her shoulder. Hailey raised her eyebrows innocently before calling to Penn, "Remember the deal!" He chuckled and turned back to her.

"I couldn't possibly forget, Hailey," he reassured her.

They walked out the door and Shelby shut it behind herself. When she turned around to walk down the stairs with Penn, he used his hold on her hand to pull her quickly into his chest, and he pressed a brief kiss to her forehead, making her blush.

"Thank you," she said, pushing away slowly. He gave her a small smile. "Oh, anytime," he replied easily. She returned his smile and they moved towards the stairs, still hand in hand. Shelby could feel her fingers twitching in his, but forced herself to focus on what felt good about it, instead of thinking about germs.

His grip had a pleasant firmness to it, the temperature of his skin had exactly the right level of heat, and his hand was large enough to swallow her slim one in a way that made her feel warm inside.

She glanced up at him, enjoying the height difference. At 5'9", she was very used to being the tallest in any social situation, especially since her social situations almost all revolved around her three shorter friends. It was nice to not feel like a praying mantis, a comparison she had endured over and over again from many people.

When they reached his truck, he held her door open for her while she climbed inside and he shut the door for her, as well. When he climbed inside he glanced over at her.

"I'm trying to decide if there is ever going to be a place where you don't look beautiful."

He voice was casual, conversational, and Shelby just stared back at him, not sure how someone was supposed to respond to such an obvious compliment. She went with formality.

"As I can't possibly look any different simply based on my location, I will assume that you are saying you find me attractive no matter where we happen to be, correct?"

Penn chuckled and nodded, reaching forward to start the truck. Shelby clasped her hands together in her lap and looked down at them.

"Thank you, then," she finally said. Penn reached over and chucked her under the chin affectionately.

"Like I said before, anytime," he replied. As they made their way out of the underground parking lot, Shelby could feel her mind racing with many different details and was nearly aching for the opportunity to mentally sort everything out.

"Would it be acceptable to you if I were to remain silent for the next few minutes, in order to put my mind to several issues that I am currently mulling over?" She asked him.

Penn laughed softly before answering, "That's fine, but do you mind if I put on some music to stay occupied?" Shelby took his question seriously, thinking on it for a moment. "I'll keep it at a reasonable volume," he added. Shelby glanced over at him and nodded.

"That is an excellent compromise," she told him. Shelby leaned back a little bit in her seat and withdrew into herself, something that she had been doing for as long as she could remember. It was her way of hashing out a problem, seeking answers to the questions in her head. It was also a private place where she could nurse hurts, or wallow in silent self-pity, without anyone else ever knowing what she was doing.

This time, she had intended to truly put her mind to her lingering concerns over the potential Penn had to throw off her schedule. Or Lenore's jealous and upset behavior that tore Shelby in two; she was partly irritated with her friend's childish actions, but also felt guilty that she was somehow the cause of it.

Instead of focusing on these things though, she found her mind unwilling to stay with them for too long; it lazily moved backwards to her time with Penn, specifically, the most recent events in the laundry room.

They had experimented more with the things they had already experienced that morning, the touching, light kisses, and enough eye contact to make Shelby want to squirm. But, strangely, nothing was abhorrent to her, nothing made her want to stop.

She sighed quietly as she thought about how wonderful it had felt to have Penn standing in front of her, his hands braced on either side of her hips as she sat on the washing machine. He had kissed her, lightly, on her mouth, on her forehead, her hair, even her nose, and she had found herself intrigued by how delightful it felt.

Shelby had let her hands explore his hair, finally running her fingers through the tousled golden mess on his head. His face close to hers, his breath short and warm on her face, she had let herself slowly, tentatively touch his neck, tracing down the side of it to flow over his firm, muscular shoulders.

His arms had slipped around her back, tightening his hold on her as her fingers trailed down his arms, following the warm, undeniably masculine length of them, finally reaching behind herself to find his hands.

When his eyes had locked on hers, she had been barely able to breathe. She kept her hands on his, leaning back onto them, moving her face back from his, but pressing her chest to his just the slightest, tiniest bit. The effect was immediate and Shelby nearly gasped when Penn suddenly leaned in and kissed her, harder and for longer than before, his tongue brushing against her lips. Her stomach had done little flips as he kissed her ardently, but never pressing her further than a close-mouthed kiss.

When had he stepped back from her and turned away suddenly, she had felt like someone had dashed cold water on her and blinked hard several times, trying to catch her breath; the heated moment leaving her feeling slightly dizzy.

"Is everything alright?" She had asked carefully, trying not to sound like she was panting. Penn nodded and grumbled something, not turning around. "What was that?" She replied, unable to understand him.

"I'm a little... excited, I need a moment," he had spoken slowly over his shoulder and it took Shelby a moment or two to realize what he meant.

"I need to flip the laundry loads," she managed to say calmly, sliding down off the washer. She tentatively touched a hand to his back, watching in utter fascination as his muscles rippled in a shudder. She smiled to herself a little, secretly thrilled with the effect she had on him, and continued in the same calm voice.

"Why don't you go upstairs and I'll meet you in my apartment when I'm done. I need to concentrate and you are very distracting," she told him. Penn had laughed, and agreed, hurrying from the room after shooting one last, long look over his shoulder at her.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Penn kept sneaking glances over at Shelby as she took some downtime to think. It was an odd request, but the more he thought about it, the more sense it made. He couldn't imagine how busy it must get in her head sometimes, she was so observant, so perceptive; all those thoughts had to go somewhere. He heard her sigh a little, her cheeks pink, and he wondered just what exactly she was thinking about.

He knew what _he_ couldn't get out of his head; everything about her. He watched the road ahead as he drove, taking a moment to sift through his own scattered thoughts.

He had been dating since he was 12 and not once in all those years had he ever been so instantaneously attracted to someone. When he really slowed down and thought about it, he had known Shelby for only 2 days, but it felt like he'd always known her. He had to remind himself to take it slow; after all, he couldn't be positive if she had fallen as hard for him as he knew he had for her, and he didn't want to risk weirding her out.

Besides, he had to admit to himself that what they were doing right now was the best kind of erotic slow-burn he'd ever encountered. Every touch, every interaction, was really quite simple, but the heat behind it had his blood running hot. He thought about today, in the laundry room, how the simple act of her leaning back on his hands, her face flushed and her back just slightly arched had nearly tipped him right over the edge and he had to flee the room to avoid freaking her out.

He pulled into the parking lot for the grocery store and Shelby started slightly in her seat and looked over at him, pointing out the window.

"You must park over there," she said, indicating a spot further down the line of parked cars. He cocked an eyebrow up at her. "Why? This spot is fine," he reasoned. Shelby pressed her lips together and he saw a tick in her jaw, realizing she was attempting to suppress her response.

He smiled, saying, "I'm sorry." He pulled the truck over to the spot she had indicated. Her face softened in relief and she shot him a look of gratitude. As they climbed out of the truck, Penn trotted around the hood to capture her hand again. He gave it a light squeeze as they headed towards the door.

"So... Want to tell me why that parking spot is the best one?" He asked, glancing down at her, and he watched her face brighten and then turn almost instantly suspicious when she looked back at him.

"Are you mocking me?" Her voice was firm and disapproving, as if she already knew the answer.

Penn stopped walking in the middle of the road and pulled on her hand to turn her to face him. He looked down at her, leaving his face open and honest for her to see.

"Shelby. Tell me why that is the best spot," he stated it in such a firm and insistent voice that she nodded at him, a smile pushing at the corners of her mouth. She turned away and started to walk towards the grocery store again.

Her face was animated as she pointed out the proximity to the cart corral, the location of the bright parking lot light, the distance to the doors, to the exit ramp. Penn was only partially paying attention, honestly, she could have told him she liked it best because the pavement was the prettiest there and he would have agreed. He just loved to see the open, easy expression on her face, the expression of someone who was at ease and unsuppressed.

Penn had to wonder how often she got to feel so honestly free to explain her quirks. He imagined that other people, people not as enchanted with the shape of her lips, the light in her eyes, or the happy lilt of her voice, as he was, were less tolerant and probably shamed her for these outbursts.

When they reached the cart corrale, Shelby stopped him from touching a cart, pressing her arm on top of his hand.

"Don't!" She cried. He looked down at her and she held up a finger, asking for patience. He stood and watched as she produced two pairs of clear, latex gloves.

"Shopping cart handles are dirtier than public toilet seats," she explained, tucking his set of gloves into his hand. He looked down at them and watched her pull hers on with professional ease. He followed suit when she raised an eyebrow at him expectantly. He took the cart handle and began to push it forward, Shelby walking next to him.

"Don't touch your face or any other part of your body until the gloves are removed," she insisted. Penn nodded.

"You got it," he answered in a professional way. Once they got into the store he was again surprised by her efficient manner. She appeared to have memorized the lay-out of the entire store and must have had a very exact list in her head of what she needed; within 15 minutes she had purchased her week's worth of groceries. Penn had moved as quickly as possible, not wanting to delay her, and found that he bought a lot fewer random, useless items than he normally would have if he'd been given the time to drift aimlessly down the aisles.

Helping Shelby load the groceries in the back of the truck, he ended up taking a step back and allowing her to arrange them. She obviously had a system for bag placement to avoid the squishing of softer items and every bag he put in she would pick up and put somewhere else.

When the trunk was closed, the cart returned and their gloves thrown out, she insisted that he Purell his hands. She produced a large squeeze bottle of it and liberally squeezed some into his hands. He watched as she poured some for herself and tucked the bottle back in her bag, her movements quick and practiced.

"You are staring at me again," Shelby said quietly, rubbing her hands together to apply the sanitizer.

"Yes, I am," he replied, unconcerned. She peered up at him, squinting a little in the darkened parking lot.

"Why?" She asked with simple curiosity in her voice. Penn knew she wasn't fishing for compliments, like many girls would have been, she was genuinely interested in his reasons for staring, because they eluded her.

Penn couldn't help but smile. "I just like to look at you," he answered, opening the passenger door for her. She climbed in with a clinical frown on her face.

"But why? Surely you know what I look like by now?"

He smiled, standing in the open door and he reached out to grab her face, which was even with his while she sat in the truck. He pulled her to him a little, and kissed her. She squeaked at the unexpectedly quick movement and when he pulled back she was genuinely puzzled.

"Was that to distract me?" She asked carefully. Penn shook his head and shut her door, walking around to climb in on his side. Once he was inside, and the truck was started, he looked over at her.

"Everything you do makes me want to kiss you. Sometimes it's hard to look at you for too long without wanting to grab you, but I like looking at you so much that I think it's worth it," he explained. She watched his eyes while he spoke and he wondered what was going on behind her own clear gaze. She surprised him with her answer.

"I understand the feeling. You are very attractive and I often wonder what certain parts of your body feel like, often at completely inappropriate times," her face was calm, her voice similarly gentle. She wasn't teasing, she was simply stating her thoughts.

Penn shook his head at her, "I like how your mind works, it's very refreshing," he finally said. Her eyes lit up at that and she reached down to un-click her seatbelt. Before he could make a move, she leaned over the centre console, grabbing his face, and began kissing him. He felt her mouth curving up in a smile as she pressed her lips to his again and again.

She pulled back and looked up at him, her blue eyes flashing in the dark car. "Say it again," she whispered. Penn grinned, feeling his face flush with pleasure, and repeated the only compliment that truly flattered her.

"I like how your mind works, it's a turn on." Shelby groaned lightly under her breath, then pressed another kiss to his lips tightly before throwing herself back down into her seat, her chest heaving. She looked over at him and gave him a large genuine smile.

"Fascinating," she said quietly. Penn threw the truck into gear and headed home, certain that he was not the only smitten person in the truck right now.


	14. Chapter 14

**Enjoy! TBBT isn't mine :)**

Shelby ate her customary Sunday dinner of spaghetti, with tomato sauce and hot dogs mixed into the noodles. She was perched carefully in her spot, as was normal, and had mostly zoned out into her own thoughts, like she usually did while eating. Lenore sat in the armchair, glumly eating her own bowl of food. They had last Sunday's Walking Dead episode playing on the television, while they waited for the east coast feed of the newest episode to start.

"How was your afternoon?" Lenore finally broke the silence with her question and Shelby lowered her fork to look up at her friend.

"It was fine, I managed to complete both my laundry and my grocery shopping."

"With Penn's help, I guess," Lenore's response was deeply glum and Shelby felt another tickle of guilt that her relationship with Penn caused Lenore pain. Taking a deep breath, Shelby put her dish on the coffee table and rearranged herself a little on the couch. She decided to bring up the last thing she and Penn had discussed before parting with a kiss at her door.

"Penn has agreed to see if he has any single friends, and to attempt to set-up dates for you, Hailey, and Rajni, if she's up for it," Shelby offered. Lenore blinked at her, clearly surprised Shelby brought the topic up herself.

"That would be very nice of him, Shelby," Lenore said softly. Her chest swelled a little and Shelby could see the possibilities running through Lenore's mind. Shelby cleared their dishes and tidied the kitchen quickly, running back to her seat when the familiar opening music for The Walking Dead began. She sighed with happiness; everything was back on schedule.

Later that night, tucked into bed, in her Sunday pjs, Shelby realized she was a little let down that she wouldn't get to see Penn very much until his next day off, which was Thursday. She awoke at 7am on weekdays, leaving the house at 8:30am with Lenore, arriving at work for 9am. She would take her lunch at noon, and work until 5pm, then leave with Lenore and arrive home at 5:30pm. Penn's bartender shifts at The Factory began at 6pm and ran until 2am, meaning they would not see each other, except perhaps in passing in the hall at 5:30pm, when she was arriving and he was leaving.

Shelby shifted on her pillow, staring up at the glow-in-the dark cosmos stickers on her ceiling. Rajni had helped her re-arrange them the previous weekend and now they were in the shape of a T-Rex, pure whimsy she knew, as no such constellation existed, but fun nonetheless.

Shelby let her mind drift to her work and she fell asleep doing complex equations in her head.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Monday evening arrived quickly and Penn showered, shaved and got dressed in his 'uniform' for work, which just consisted of dark blue jeans and a black dress shirt. His boss had informed him that they needed to dress in clean, stylish versions of this outfit (dark top, dark pants), and that he must be clean shaven and his hair carefully groomed. The Factory tended to cater to the young, trendy, upscale crowd, meaning the staff needed to look attractive, clean, and accessible.

Once he was ready, he glanced at his watch and saw it was 5:25. Shelby should be home any minute and he wanted to see her before he left. He stepped into the hall and locked his door and then stood idly waiting for her. He only waited for a moment before he heard their voices in the stairwell and he moved towards the stairs at that moment, starting down them casually. When he rounded the corner on the 3rd floor, he nearly ran into Lenore, who was walking slightly ahead of Shelby. Both girls stopped short at his appearance.

"Oh, Penn, hi, how's it going?" Lenore asked, her eyes fixed on his face, her cheeks slowly flaming. Penn smiled at her in a friendly way and nodded at her.

"Just off to work now!" He said jovially. Lenore smiled and nodded awkwardly and stood there, looking from Penn to Shelby uncomfortably. Shelby couldn't take her eyes off Penn's face and Penn was looking back at her with the same intensity. Finally Lenore said, "I'm just going to take the food upstairs," and she grabbed the Thai take-out bag from Shelby's hands and turned to charge up the stairs.

"Bye Lenore, have a good night," Penn called after her, pleasantly. Lenore yelled back "Bye!", but he had already turned his attention to Shelby, smiling at her and leaning down to kiss her cheek. Shelby ducked her head a little and waved a hand at his attire.

"You look very good in those clothes," she said to him, her eyes roaming over his arms.

"I can't stay long, I have to get to work, it would look pretty bad if I was late for my first shift," Penn said, his voice disappointed. Shelby nodded and moved towards him in jerky motions, awkwardly hugging him. Penn was touched that she was trying it out on her own, and he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her more forcefully up against his chest, burying his face in her hair, inhaling her clean scent. Shelby tightened her own arms around him and he nuzzled at her hair and neck for a few moments before she grew still in his arms.

"Have you hugged me for a sufficient amount of time?" She asked haltingly. Penn laughed and pushed her away, holding her by her shoulders, at arms length, looking at her blushing cheeks.

"It's never enough, but I have to go and you have your limits," he replied, his voice friendly and warm. Shelby smiled at him and nodded. He gave her a kiss that left her breathless and him definitely aroused, before turning away and heading down the stairs to work.

In his truck, on the way to The Factory, he thought carefully about the type of work he would be doing tonight, running through drink recipes and bar procedures in his head to distract his mind from thoughts of Shelby, and to calm himself down.

The night went the way he imagined it would. His manager took him on a quick tour of the premises, showing him where the staff room was, the storage area, behind the bar, and where the emergency exits were.

"You know how to work in a bar like this, right?" The man eyed him up and down and Penn felt a rare moment of discomfort. He had definitely worked in bars before, it was pretty much the only work experience he had, but nothing this high end or trendy before.

"I know how to make a good drink and not talk back, if you're worried about that," Penn offered. His manager, Thomas, nodded his head and then rolled his hand through the air to indicate that there was more to it.

"Yes, also, you need to know how to be friendly, make the guys think you're in awe of them, and the women think you're in lust with them. I hire you people so that anyone who comes in feels like they are the hottest shit to walk the earth. A feeling like that will make them come back, and they'll bring their friends to show off. A good-looking guy like you flirting with them, or acting like their life is enviable, will make them feel like freaking gods, got it?" Penn blinked at the man, he got it alright, but was a little startled regardless.

When the place opened, he got behind the bar, and fell into the job immediately. It was fairly natural for him to smile, to be pleasant and charming, and flirt with everyone. His mother had often told him he was a born charmer and that people couldn't help but love him.

"Is this really your first day here?" His co-worker asked. Penn glanced over at the shorter blond man, the other bartender. He couldn't remember the guy's name but he nodded at him anyways.

"Yup, it is," Penn said mixing martinis for a slick looking couple sitting at his end of the bar. His co-worker nodded and put two pitchers of beer on the bar for one of the serving girls to come grab. When she did, she leaned across the counter and placed a hand on the guy's arm, her hand looking ridiculously small on his thick arms. Penn chuckled at the faint, slightly clueless smile the other man gave the server.

It was obvious why the other man had been hired, even though he couldn't be more than 5'8" he was seriously built, with a very muscular chest and strong arms. He was a blond, like Penn, but with large blue eyes kept behind black glasses. Penn watched as women at the bar responded to the smaller man, flirting shamelessly with him.

When Penn looked over at his end of the bar he saw the same kind of expressions on the faces of the woman gathered there. _Guess we're the eye candy,_ he thought to himself, his mind flashing to Shelby for a moment. He sighed, _at least the tips will be good_, he thought, eying the quickly filling tip jar on the counter.

There was a brief lull around 8:30, when the after-work crowd started heading home, and before the nighttime crowd really arrived in force.

"So, what did you do before?" Penn's co-workers asked, as he reloaded some clean glasses behind the bar. Penn paused in the task of wiping down his station.

"I worked in a bar, but I've just moved to Pasadena, a couple days ago, so I had to get a job here," Penn answered. The other man nodded, his hands moving quickly as he stocked his area.

"What about you? How long have you been here?" Penn asked, genuinely curious. The smaller man looked up at him and smiled.

"I'm actually only working here to help pay my way through school," the other man responded. Penn nodded at him, an interested smile on his face.

"What for?"

"Doctorate in Microbiology." Penn raised his eyebrows at the answer, impressed.

"I didn't catch your name," the blond man said and Penn stuck his hand out. "It's Penn," he introduced himself.

"Bernard," the other man said, his handshake firm and casually strong. Penn watched as Bernard pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, a gesture so stereotypically nerdy for a man that otherwise looked like a beefcake.

Penn glanced over Bernard's clothing, at the black slacks, with the very classical and straight-legged fit, the black collared shirt, starched and ironed to perfection. He glanced down at the other man's shoes and blinked at the bright blue wing tips, so unusually colorful given their dress code. He guessed that behind a bar, footwear was fair game. Bernard was a strange combination of retro-classic, tidy perfectionist, and then that unexpectedly loud footwear. Something clicked in Penn's brain as he looked at the quick-moving shorter man.

"Bernard," Penn started and the man looked over at him questioningly, "Do you have a girlfriend?"

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

When her phone beeped at her, Shelby looked down at it with surprise. The only people she got texts from were sitting in the room with her right now. Picking it up she saw that it was from Penn. Shelby frowned down at the time, wondering if she should set a cut-off time for communication with him - _is 10pm too late?_ She wasn't sure, but opened the message to see what he'd sent.

_What's Hailey up to on Thursday evening? Would she be interested in a blind date?_

Shelby gaped at the message and looked over at Hailey. Her friend was dancing spasmodically to a Wii game with Rajni, her short pixie cut fluttering around her head with each bounce. The tight red turtleneck she was wearing left little to the imagination, neither did the even tighter, yellow, capri-cut leggings she wore with it.

"I wish we looked this awesome dancing at the clubs!" Hailey cried, breathless as she spun around, waving her hands above her head in time to the music. Rajni nodded, copying Hailey's movements.

"Trust me, you do look like this dancing in the clubs," Lenore mumbled from her armchair, barely looking up from her book. Shelby held the phone in her lap and wondered how to broach the topic of a blind date with Hailey. She decided to approach it bluntly.

"Hailey, would you be free to go on a blind date on Thursday night?" Shelby asked. Hailey jerked to a halt and turned to Shelby with a stunned look on her face.

"What?" Lenore and Hailey spoke at the same time. Shelby wiggled her phone in the air briefly.

"Penn has just asked me whether or not you are free on Thursday for a blind date. I assume this means he has located a man he thinks would make an appropriate mate for you," Shelby explained. Lenore thumped her book down on the arm of her chair and crossed her arms across her chest in a huff.

"Why her?" Lenore groused.

"Really? Who?" Hailey cried excitedly. Shelby's eyes darted from her disgruntled roommate to Hailey's eager face, not sure who to answer first.

"This is so exciting!" Rajni cooed, scooting past Hailey to sit down on the opposite end of the couch. Hailey's eyes were wide and starry and she moved quickly to sit between them.

"Tell me about him! I need details!" Hailey insisted. Shelby shook her head.

"I don't know them yet, I can ask. Do you trust his judgement in this matter?" Shelby asked carefully. Hailey nodded eagerly, waving at the phone.

"Yes! Yes! Tell him I said yes and give me details!" She was bouncing in her seat excitedly and Shelby hid her smile as she texted Penn back immediately.

_She says yes. She is very excited. She would like details about her prospective date._

Penn wasted little time replying to her:

_His name's Bernard. Works as a bartender part-time, getting his doctorate in microbiology._

Shelby showed the message to Hailey, approving of this Bernard. _At least he must be intelligent,_ she thought. Hailey clapped her hands together.

"He sounds great! Kind of a stodgy name, but that's no big deal!" Hailey said, a huge grin on her face. Rajni looked over her shoulder and read the message as well.

"Oooh, Bernard the bartender! Sounds spicy!" She cried, elbowing Hailey. "Ask what he looks like! Ask what he looks like!" Rajni insisted. Shelby sighed and started typing on her phone.

_I will not be allowed to put the phone down until you tell me what this Bernard fellow looks like._

Penn responded quickly:

_Little shorter than you, blonde, works out a lot, glasses._

Shelby showed the girls and there was much squealing. Lenore rolled her eyes and got up to read the message as well. Her face turned down into a grimace.

"Glasses?" She whined. All three of them turned to look at her and she glared at Hailey. "But I wear glasses! He should date me!" Hailey made a face at Lenore.

"Penn clearly thinks he would be a good match for me!" Hailey insisted, her voice getting squeaky. Lenore stomped into the kitchen to yank a bottle of water from the fridge.

Shelby watched her roommate with caution, not relishing the idea of a Lenore-melt down. Again the guilt inside her pinched and she wished she could make her friend feel better. Lenore took a sip and looked back at them, her face in a sulk.

"I'm going to bed," Lenore said miserably. Shelby swallowed and nodded, "Good night, Lenore. Sleep well." Lenore nodded vaguely and stalked to her bedroom. Shelby flinched when she heard the door slam. Hailey and Rajni got to their feet, grappling for their jackets as they murmured excitedly to each other.

"Tell him absolutely, yes!" Hailey squealed. Shelby smiled and replied, "I will."

"Are you and Penn going with them?" Rajni asked. Shelby shook her head before answering, "He never mentioned we were." Hailey paused, one arm in her jacket.

"You have to come with me! What if he's a pyscho? What if he's lame?" Hailey cried, her voice worried. Shelby sighed and shrugged.

"Thursday is Penn's day off, and I suppose since it is Anything Can Happen Thursday, I can arrange it, for you," Shelby conceded. Hailey danced over to her and bent down to hug Shelby, who cringed and tried to push her away. Grinning, the other two girls left in a flurry of giggles and Shelby looked down at her phone.

_S: Hailey insists we join them as chaperones, will this be acceptable?_

_P: Are you asking me out on a date, Shelby? :)_

_S: No, I'm asking you out on their date._

_P: You got it, sweetheart - I'm a pretty cheap date ;)_

_S: The cost of food does not concern me. Also I believe the customary social convention is for the male to pay for his female companion's food and drink, however, I am a modern woman and do not object to paying for the date._

_P: Shelby... that's not what I meant..._

_S: Then I suggest you say what you mean._

_P: Lol_

_S: Why are you laughing out loud?_

_P: I mean that I'll definitely be available for whatever you'd like to try next in our experiment, after the date._

_S: I see._

_P: My break is over, talk to you tomorrow :)_

_S: Enjoy your shift. I am going to bed._

_P: Night Shelby._

_S: Good night, Penn._


	15. Chapter 15

**Enjoy! TBBT isn't mine :)**

Shelby swung her arm blindly at her alarm clock when it began to trill at 7am. When she finally turned it off, she turned and hopped out of bed, stretching tall, satisfied when she heard little pops and cracks. Her mom always told her the morning stretch that produced that "snap, crackle and pop" was a body's way of saying hello. Shelby smiled a little at the memory and bent to make her bed. When the blankets were smooth and perfect she left her bedroom to partake of her morning ablutions.

She stopped short when she saw that the bathroom door was shut and she could hear Lenore singing, loudly and off key, in the shower. Shelby's hand fidgeted in the air above the door. She desperately wanted to bang on the door and demand that Lenore vacate the bathroom immediately. Shelby's morning bathroom time was from 7:05 - 7:35, Lenore from 7:35 - 8:05. This schedule was perfectly timed to allow them both a morning shower, any matters of personal hygiene or vanity, breakfast, pre-work prep, and any other morning tasks.

Shelby knocked lightly on the door. "Lenore? Are you... umm, I really must insist..."

"Go away, Shelby! You can have it when I'm done!" Lenore yelled back. Shelby felt her face scrunching up in consternation.

"Lenore, I understand you are not feeling like yourself as of late, but -"

"I said GO AWAY!" Lenore screeched. Shelby scowled and then bit her lip. Years of using the bathroom at a specific time of day had essentially trained her body to absolutely require the bathroom at 7:05am every single day. She squirmed from foot to foot, uncomfortable.

"Lenore - please, I need to ur-" Shelby began, her voice desperate. In response, Lenore interrupted her by beginning to sing at the top of her lungs, "ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER THAT YOU'LL EVER DOOOO!"

Shelby groaned and turned away from the door, making her way down the hall towards the kitchen. She sat uncomfortably on a stool in the kitchen and started to jiggle her leg, silently begging her body to work with her. Eventually, it just became too much and Shelby knew what she had to do; that she'd been left with no alternative, and has horrible an idea as it seemed, she had no choice in her present state.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

_Knock knock knock_

"Penn."

_Knock knock knock_

"Penn."

_Knock knock knock_

"Penn."

The knocking tore through his gauzy dreams and Penn slowly sat up in bed, groaning. _Was that actually the door?_ He thought fuzzily.

_Knock knock knock_

"Penn."

_Knock knock knock_

"Penn."

_Knock knock knock_

"Penn!"

He heard Shelby shout his name on the last round of knocks and he climbed out of bed, alarmed by the urgency in her voice. He made his way to the door and pulled it open, startled to see a sleep-mussed Shelby standing at his door, an uncomfortable grimace on her face.

"Shelby? What's -" He didn't get to finish, because in a very uncharacteristic move, Shelby shoved his shoulder, pushing him out of the way as she barreled past him, racing to the bedroom. He stared after her dumbly, still holding the door open. He heard the bathroom door slam hard and he slowly shut his front door. Walking into his bedroom, Penn rubbed at his eyes and ran his hands tiredly through his hair. Glancing at his bedside alarm clock, he saw it was currently 7:13am.

_Oh, man, I've only been sleeping for like 4 hours_, he groaned internally. He sank down to sit on the bed, his eyes feeling gritty and terrible. When Shelby walked out of the bathroom a few minutes later, he was nearly falling asleep sitting up.

"I am so very sorry for disturbing you," she said quietly, her voice infused with a combination of shame, guilt, and embarrassment. He looked up at her to see her blushing redder than he had ever seen before. Despite his tiredness, his eyes raked up and down her form and again marveled at how she managed to look wonderful, even first thing in the morning. Her hair was down, rumpled and tangled, and even in her blue plaid pjs, her body was feminine and enticing. He got to his feet and stepped towards her, a smile growing on his face.

Shelby leaped back from him, nearly colliding with his dresser. He reached an arm out to steady her and her eyes nearly bugged out of her head.

"No! We can't, I have not brushed my teeth, and judging by the smell, neither have you! I haven't showered, I am improperly dressed! You are in your underwear!"She yelped.

Shelby looked beyond worried and Penn dropped his hand; he realized this was all very much outside her comfort zone and felt somewhat bad for riling her up.

"I'm sorry, I'm still half-asleep and you look too good in those," he gestured at her pjs and she swallowed, a small smile playing across her lips.

"Lenore has lost her mind and was in the bathroom during my morning bathroom time. We only have the one bathroom and she refused to allow me usage of the facilities, even though she is in violation of the Roommate Agreement," Shelby explained. She was obviously irritated, but Penn was surprised that she wasn't angrier.

"She was going to let you wet yourself? For what, revenge?" He asked incredulously. Shelby blanched at his words, clearly not happy with them. She shook her head.

"Lenore is upset, her feelings are hurt, I believe she is craving companionship and is unhappy that she currently has no partner," Shelby tried to explain. Penn stared at her for a moment.

"That sounds like she's being mean to you because she's bitter," Penn answered, and Shelby shook her head harder.

"No, no, no - she's upset that she's alone and I'm not! It's my fault, I should have said no to your proposition, I didn't understand how upset it would make her," Shelby fretted. Penn put a hand on her arm and led her from his bedroom, out to the living room to sit on his couch.

"Shelby, what happens between you and me isn't her business. It's awfully shallow of her to be angry at you because I wanted you and not her. You know that's weird, right?" He said softly. Shelby's blue eyes looked up at him, and he could see she desperately wanted to believe him.

"How were you supposed to stop me? Did she think if you said no I would just turn to her, like some kind of sex-crazed animal? That's really insulting, it means she's thinking of me like some kind of object, and not a person," he continued, his tone heated. Shelby got up and walked to the door, her back to him. She rested a hand on the door knob.

"Lenore is my best friend, but we have never encountered a situation like this before. This is all new for our friendship, I can understand why she is having a hard time navigating it. I cannot think as badly of her as you are."

Penn sighed, worried that he had made her feel worse about the situation, even though he himself was growing weary of Lenore's obvious inability to believe that anyone, let alone Penn, could ever be attracted to Shelby while Lenore herself was available.

He walked up to Shelby and hugged her from behind, burying his nose in her neck. She sighed quietly and reached a hand up to run it through his hair.

"I won't bug you about Lenore anymore, I'm sorry," he said quietly. Shelby nodded and patted his hand.

"Thank you," she responded quietly, leaning away from him, "I must go and see if I can finish preparing myself for the morning." Penn hugged her tighter for a moment and then released her. Shelby opened the door and stepped into the hall and turned back to look at him.

"I would very much like to kiss you, but neither of us has a clean or fresh mouth and I am certain that my breath must smell as terrible as yours does," Shelby told him frankly.

Penn blinked at her statement and then burst out laughing. Shelby shifted on her feet, clearly unsure about was so funny. Penn reached out casually and snagged her slim hand in his grasp. He pulled her a foot closer and bent down to kiss her palm and knuckles in a courtly fashion.

"Then this will have to do until we each smell better," he said teasingly. Shelby smiled and turned to walk back to her apartment. Penn chuckled to himself and went back inside his own place, to go immediately to bed. _Probably going to have some interesting dreams_, he thought, not opposed to the idea at all.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Lenore was in her room when Shelby returned to their apartment so she made a beeline for the bathroom, not wanting to risk being further displaced this morning. She showered and blow-dried her hair, before cleaning her teeth. When she emerged, she could hear Lenore in the kitchen, and the smell of coffee filled the air. Back in her bedroom again, Shelby looked at the time and realized in horror it was 7:55; she would have to hurry to be ready to leave in time.

Yanking open her closet, she pulled out the neatly arranged bundle for Tuesday's clothes. Her pants were a favorite of hers today: baggy black cargo pants. Putting on her underthings, she slipped into the pants and wove the white cloth belt through the belt loops, allowing the soft pants to sit snugly just above her hips. She wriggled into her green long sleeved shirt, frowning at a small thread hanging lose from the arm.

Shelby walked over to her dresser and pulled open the small woven sewing basket that had come all the way from Texas with her, a handed-down gift from her Meemaw. She fondly remembered the story Meemaw had told her about the sewing basket belonging to her own mother. Pulling out the dainty silver scissors, she snipped at the thread and hoped it wouldn't mean the shirt was wearing out.

Stepping back to the bed she picked up her t-shirt for today. Its was bright blue and had the image of the Stay Puft marshmallow man laying on top of a piece of chocolate between two graham crackers on the front. Shelby liked this shirt for two reasons: 1) S'mores were delicious, and 2) The first Ghostbusters movie was the only good thing about the franchise, at least in her opinion. She left her hair hanging loose, as she usually did, and bent to put on her socks and sneakers.

She hurried into the kitchen and made herself a mug of tea, as quickly as she could. Lenore was sitting casually at her computer desk, scanning Facebook while she drank her coffee. She glanced over at Shelby, who was trying to wolf down her breakfast, and Lenore smiled at her.

"Everything work out this morning?" She asked, her voice strange. Shelby nodded at her.

"Yes, even though you refused to allow me bathroom access, I was able to borrow Penn's facilities to avoid wetting myself," Shelby answered matter-of-factly, and drained her tea. Lenore snapped her laptop shut and grabbed her coat.

"Come on, I'm leaving now, so either hurry up or find your own way to work," Lenore snapped. Shelby looked at her dirty dishes, leaving now meant not being able to clean them. Her hands twitching, she went and put on her brown windbreaker and slung her messenger bag over her shoulder. She glanced back at the dirty dishes longingly, but knew that riding a bus to work would be worse than filthy dishes festering in the apartment all day.

The car ride to work was quiet. Shelby was not worried by it, she enjoyed a quiet car ride at times, it gave her a chance to mentally organize herself. She glanced over at Lenore a few times and saw that the mean expression was gone from her face. It was not in Lenore's nature to be cruel or a bully, and Shelby knew that she must be very upset over the events of the past couple of days to be acting so abnormally.

Briefly she considered talking to Lenore about it. 'Hashing out' their problems was something she noticed other women liked to do, but Shelby felt her nose crinkling at the thought; talking about feelings was not her forte.

She knew that Lenore was lonely, that she wanted male companionship. Shelby couldn't say she understood why, she thought that anyone as intelligent as Lenore shouldn't feel incomplete because she lacked a boyfriend. Shelby was a firm believer that one must master the ability to stand confident on their own, especially a woman.

Her mind trailed over the thoughts of how difficult interacting with their co-workers was for herself and her four friends. Besides one other person, pretty much all of their peers at the University were male and seemed to think that she and her friends were aberrations, there to be mocked or treated like helpless damsels.

_I can help Lenore_, she thought, _I've heard Hailey and Rajni talk enough times about how to 'land a man'. I will land one for Lenore, then everything can go back to the way it was, because she will be content again_.

Lenore parked the car and snapped the ignition off, huffing out a breath when she did so. Shelby unclicked her seatbelt and gathered her bag, opening the door to climb out.

"Shelby," Lenore began, her voice quiet. Shelby turned to look at her, her feet swung out of the car door already. Lenore bit her lip and sighed, saying softly, "I'm sorry I've been acting like such a jerk." Shelby nodded at her.

"Apology accepted, don't worry about it any longer," Shelby replied. She climbed out and heard Lenore emit a low growl of frustration from inside the car. Shelby shut her door and watched as Lenore got out as well, slamming her door.

"Shelby, while I'm glad you accept my apology, can you please be a human for a minute and let me finish?"

Shelby bit the inside of her cheek, to prevent her face from twisting with hurt, like she always did. She hated that people assumed she was some kind of cyborg with no feelings. She considered herself reserved, not cold, and rarely felt the need to publicly broadcast her emotions to people; they were her private feelings, why was it so wrong to keep them to herself? She nodded at Lenore.

"Of course, Lenore," Shelby responded. Lenore walked over to her and stood in front of her friend, peering up at Shelby in her typical squinty-eyed fashion.

"I've been acting like a bitch and I know it. I wish I could explain myself to you properly, but I'm embarrassed," Lenore confessed. Shelby's brow drew down in confusion.

"You don't care about romantic love or companionship!" Lenore began, waving a hand dismissively at Shelby, "And the first single guy our age that I might have a chance with wants you! He didn't even look twice at me!"

Shelby thought back to Penn's words this morning and bristled at the notion Lenore seemed to have about such transient affection in him. She said nothing though and continued to watch her friend's face.

"So, yes, it's frustrating for me! It just came so easily to you, and you don't even want it!" Lenore turned away with those words on her lips and clenched her fists before striding back to Shelby, her face crumpled in distress, tears of frustration and self-pity falling down her cheeks.

"What's so wrong with me? Am I so hideous that no one will ever want me? Am I so repugnant to men that I have to spend my entire life alone, while everyone around me, _even you and Hailey_, get someone?"

Lenore started crying in earnest at this point and Shelby was torn between many different feelings. Lenore was her friend and she was clearly very upset; Shelby wanted to comfort her. Lenore was her friend and she thought that Shelby was unworthy of finding romantic love; she wanted to slap her. Lenore was her friend and for the umpteenth time made Shelby feel like an unloveable robot simply because she didn't gush and ooze her feelings all the time; Shelby wanted to scream.

Instead she patted Lenore's shoulder. "There, there, Lenore. I assure you, I intend to have everything work out for everyone," Shelby reassured her friend. Lenore stopped crying and peered up at Shelby, her face red and wet, her lower lip pouting.

"Great, thanks, Shelby," Lenore said sarcastically, shrugging Shelby's hand off her shoulder. She turned to walk towards the doors to the school. Shelby watched her friend walk away and sighed. _This is all too complicated, Penn has made everything so complicated_, she groused to herself. She thought back to how he looked, sitting on his bed, in his boxer shorts, his hair messy, his face sleepy, and her stomach fluttered.

_So wonderfully complicated_.


	16. Chapter 16

***** I have no idea how dating websites work, if I'm wrong, please don't be upset, I'm making best guesses here! Also science: I'm more Penny than Sheldon when it comes to science haha *****

It only took a couple of clicks to find what she was looking for on her computer. Shelby leaned back in her chair and read the Google search titles, finally clicking on one that she'd heard Rajni and Hailey say was the best one.

_Alright eHarmony, knock my socks off_, Shelby thought, drumming her fingers on her desk. When the page loaded, she moved swiftly to start up a fresh account. _Lenore Hofstader_, she typed, followed by Shelby's own email address. She quickly filled in the physical information, pleased at how easy this was so far. Then came a small section where a few sentences were required to answer some questions.

_What is your idea of a perfect date?_

Shelby nipped at her lower lip, trying to think about what a perfect date might consist of.

_The perfect date would begin by 6pm, so that my digestive system would not need to be overwrought by eating at an unusual time. It would end by 7:30pm so that my regular television viewing schedule would not be disturbed. It would occur within an easy walking distance to my home so that I would not be required to enter a stranger's car and only on a Thursday._

Shelby nodded at the screen. She wasn't sure what exactly Lenore would put, but she felt that this was a logical, acceptable answer that anyone might put down.

_What traits would your ideal partner have?_

That one was a little tougher, as she knew that Lenore would be picky about the type of man she dated. She decided to stick to the basics, to play it safe.

_My ideal partner would have exemplary personal hygiene skills. They would have polite table manners and always chew quietly (obviously with their mouth closed). They would have an IQ over 145 and display an interest in the sciences._

Shelby proceeded through the rest of the questions, which were much easier:

_What is your best trait?_ I do not snore.

_What is your worst trait?_ I cannot consume dairy products without experiencing extensive gastrointestinal distress.

_Use 3 words to describe yourself_: Short, intelligent, excellent healer (only as a holy priest).

When Shelby finished the multiple choice questionnaire 30 minutes later, she felt nearly out of breath. It went into so much detail and she had been stumped multiple times, always erring on the side of caution and answering logically. She submitted the form and sighed, now all she had to do was wait as the replies came rolling in. Shelby briefly entertained a vision of Lenore with a brilliant physicist, who was taller than she was and didn't enjoy dairy.

There was knocking on her door and it startled her out of her imaginings.

"Hey Dr. Dollface, what's up?" Shelby groaned and looked up, watching as Larry Winkle slithered through her door. Shelby drew her brow down in a glare and smirked at the lumpy looking man.

"What do you want, Winkle?" Shelby said in obvious distaste. Larry sat on the edge of her desk and winked at her.

"I heard your paper on astrophysical probes of M-theory effects in the early universe is due to be presented today," he said, a sneer on his face. Shelby pushed her chair back and got to her feet. Larry Winkle irritated her to no end, preferring to either act towards her in a lecherous manner or treat her as if she were a simpleton.

"And?" Shelby challenged him, crossing her arms over her chest when she noticed him staring at her breasts; somehow she didn't think he was appreciating her shirt. Larry got up too and leaned against the desk.

"I was wondering if you wanted to allow me to look it over? I heard that this paper took you a little longer than Dr. Gablehauser was expecting and he mentioned something about you perhaps being stumped?"

Shelby gaped at him, honestly surprised. She took a deep breath and walked to her door, holding it open widely.

"Please leave immediately. My work is my own concern, and if I take longer than expected to complete something you can be sure that it is only because I wish to ensure that it is better than expected." Larry smirked at her speech and strolled towards the door.

"That's fine Dr. Dollface, but let me know if you ever need help. I'd just love to _help_ you." Shelby rolled her eyes and gestured at the door.

"Oh for pete's sake, just go Dr Winkle, I don't have the time or patience to endure your pathetic attempts to make me uncomfortable." Larry blinked at her, and Shelby silently congratulated herself. Normally she was a little more tongue-tied and unable to say anything to him, because she hardly understood his off-handed comments and had never been adept at verbal warfare.

"You've got a little misplaced sass in you today," he said, grinning at her as he walked through the door, "Want to grab some dinner tonight and we can _discuss _your _sass _a little further?"

Shelby stared at him, a look of pity on her face, "Not if you were the last man on earth and our procreation was the only method of ensuring the continuance of the human race. Good day." She took a half-second to enjoy the stunned look on his face before triumphantly shutting the door in his face.

_Where did that come from?_ Shelby was smiling as she walked back to her desk. She mulled it over for a moment and suddenly realized that it must be because of Penn. She wasn't interested in thinking about any other man in a sexual way because Penn occupied so much of her thoughts, and because she'd experienced only positive, _wonderful_, things with Penn, she was no longer willing to even listen to the lewd or crude things that she had usually overlooked, ignored, or misunderstood up until now.

_Fascinating_.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"Here's what I wonder about zombies," Rajni began, looking up from her tray of food. Hailey and Lenore audibly groaned and even Shelby shook her head a little, sure that the statement would either cause an argument, be inappropriate, or just disgusting; Rajni seemed to simply ask things without thinking about how they might sound.

Curiosity was a trait Shelby admired, but even she recognized that not everything _should_ be asked. For some reason, she really liked to bring these strange questions up at mealtime - lunch in the cafeteria, dinner at Lenore and Shelby's, it was inconvenient, and depending on the nature of the question, often unappetizing.

Rajni ignored her friends' reactions and continued, her voice animated and curious. "What happens if they can't get any human flesh to eat? They can't starve to death, they're already dead." She gestured in the air with her fork, a hunk of lettuce sitting on the end of it. Hailey rolled her eyes and looked desperately at Lenore, her face pleading.

"You take this one," Hailey said dryly, "I spent an hour last night on 'How do vampires shave when they can't see themselves in the mirror?'" Lenore grinned and chuckled, scooping up a spoonful of pudding as she watched Rajni glare at Hailey. Shelby leaned over her tray of macaroni salad and met Rajni's eyes, sure she could put the vampire issue to rest immediately (having already thought long and hard on the subject herself).

"The answer to your vampire question is simple," Shelby began and everyone looked at her. She waved a hand through the air to emphasize her words, "Well-groomed vampires meet in pairs and shave each other." Shelby smiled at them all briefly before eating a large mouthful of her lunch.

Rajni's eyebrows shot up and she pressed her lips together in a small smile of agreement and then nodded slowly, clearly liking and accepting this explanation. Hailey nodded once and went back to her food. Lenore looked at Shelby, her eyes narrowed in concentration and she opened her mouth to argue.

Shelby held up a finger, indicating she shouldn't talk. "Case closed," Shelby said, an air of finality to her tone, her eyes darting over to Rajni and then back to Lenore, meaningfully, hoping her friend understood that the case was closed because no one wanted Rajni to obsess over it for days, as she often did with these kinds of things.

Rajni was not deterred from her original query, though. "Yeah, okay. So, zombies," she repeated, looking around the table.

With a quick glance at Shelby, Lenore leaned towards Rajni and answered, her voice trying to sound superior, but not quite succeeding, "Uh, I guess it depends on the zombies, Rajni."

Lenore took a sip of her diet cola and swallowed before continuing, "Are we talking slow zombies, fast zombies? Like in '28 Days', if those zombies didn't eat they starved." Rajni nodded slowly, considering Lenore's question, drumming one tidily manicured nail against her chin.

Hailey tapped Lenore on the arm, smirking. "Yeahhhh," she drawled, "you're thinking of '28 Days Later'. '28 Days' is where Sandra Bullock goes to rehab and puts the audience into an undead state."

Rajni laughed and Shelby tried her best to suppress her own laughter, letting a small smile linger on her face instead, as she saw Lenore glare at Hailey. Lenore huffed a breath out in irritation and, with a semi-pout on her face, she drained the last bit of her cola, slamming the can down on the table, making everyone jump a little at the loud noise.

"I have to go now," Lenore said shortly, getting to her feet and leaving without a goodbye. The three of them watched her go.

"What crawled up her butt and died?" Hailey muttered, stabbing her food. Shelby grimaced at the phrasing, wishing Hailey would learn when it was and wasn't appropriate to mention a 'butt' (Shelby was of the opinion that the answer was closer to 'never' than anything else).

"Lenore is unhappy that I am involved in a relationship with Penn and that you," Shelby pointed at Hailey, "Are going on a date, and she has neither Penn nor another option for a date." Hailey looked surprised and stared over at Rajni.

"Rajni's not upset, why does Lenore feel so picked on?" Rajni nodded, but reached over to place a hand on Hailey's arm. "That's because your joy is my joy; Lenore does not have an open heart like I do," Rajni said softly. Shelby chuckled inwardly when she saw Hailey's face twist in mild displeasure.

"I wish you wouldn't say things like that, it makes it weird," Hailey answered. Rajni shrugged liked it didn't matter and looked back to Shelby, her dark eyes wide with worry and concern.

"So what do we do?" Rajni asked her. Shelby smiled at them and raised her eyebrows.

"It's not what we _do_, it's what I've already _done,_" Shelby said happily. The other girls looked at each other and Shelby let her grin grow triumphantly.

"Well?" Hailey said impatiently, rolling in her hand in Shelby's direction, "What did you do?"

"Yeah, don't keep us hanging, dude!" Rajni put in, leaning on the table excitedly. Shelby ignored the usage of the word 'dude', too excited to tell of her work on the Lenore issue to chastise Rajni for it's use. So she merely rolled her eyes in exasperation at Rajni and then nodded at Hailey.

"I went to that date-making website, eHarmony, that you two are always going on about," Shelby explained. Hailey nodded, but cautiously now, her face frozen in strained interest. Shelby continued, "I created a profile for her, and will find her the perfect date using whatever hokum methods they use to match people up on that particular website."

Rajni and Hailey exchanged a look and then Rajni bit her lip before asking, "How did you fill out the questionnaire though? They're pretty in depth and detailed on that website, that's why it's such a good dating site, they _really _get to know _you_." Rajni had placed a hand over her heart, to demonstrate the site getting to know one's hearts desire, Shelby assumed. She wasn't sure what that statement had to do with the way she filled the form out. Shelby blinked at her.

"I filled out each question using basic logic, common knowledge, social norms, and the like," Shelby responded. Hailey snorted and pressed her lips together tightly.

Shelby frowned at her before continuing, "That way, Lenore is more likely to attract someone as logical and normal as myself."

Hailey and Rajni stared at her for a moment before laughing. Their giggles and snorts of glee went on for awhile before Rajni was able to collect herself enough to speak.

"Shelby!" she exclaimed, still laughing, "Lenore's not going to want to date a man version of you!" Hailey smacked the table and hooted with laughter.

Shelby glared at them and got to her feet. "Lenore deserves someone intelligent, wise, and kind - and that is who she will get, thanks to me!" She strode off and Hailey and Rajni finally settled and looked at each other, eyes wide.

"What has she done?" Rajni said, worriedly, "I think I may have to move back to India."

Hailey nodded, looking at the empty doorway that Shelby had gone through, "We may _both_ have to move back to India if there are going to be _two_ Shelbys."

"Nowhere would be safe from two of them, dude."


	17. Chapter 17

***** TBBT? Still not mine!**

When Shelby arrived home Wednesday, she was exhausted. Her day had been long and she had argued at length with Dr. Gablehauser regarding her paper. Lenore had decided to work late and Shelby was forced to get a ride home with Rajni, an unwelcome change to her schedule. As she trudged up the stairs, Rajni still at her side, she realized that she was fervently hoping to see Penn before he left for work today.

An accident six blocks from their apartment had delayed their arrival home yesterday after work, and Penn had already left by the time they finally reached the apartment building. He had texted her yesterday evening to let her know they were understaffed and extremely busy, so she was without even a typed word from him all night, after that point. It was frustrating how much she didn't like not seeing him or hearing from him.

Rajni seemed to sense her pensive mood and cleared her throat lightly. "So...," she started, her voice coming out in a long drawl, "How are things with Penn?" Shelby turned her eyes to Rajni's momentarily, before swiftly looking ahead of her again. "Fine," Shelby replied quickly. She knew that Rajni was looking for a much more detailed response, but Shelby wasn't eager to open up a conversation on her most private doings. _A conversation extremely likely to be repeated to the rest of the social group_, she thought in mild irritation.

"Just fine?" Rajni reached a hand out and gently grasped Shelby's arm just below her elbow. Shelby paused on the stairs between the second floor and the third floor and looked down at the hand as if it were a large bug. Rajni sighed and removed her hand.

"Shelby, I didn't ask how the weather was! I'm your friend and I'm asking about how your new relationship is going - this is a perfectly normal thing to ask a friend," Rajni raised her eyebrows expectantly and Shelby sighed and looked away.

"For heaven's sake!" She exclaimed, eyeing Rajni in exasperation, "Fine! Penn is excellent, as he always is, and I am most deliriously happy in his presence, despite the fact that I'm certain to fall ill from some contagion he's brought home!"

Shelby was panting mildly after revealing something so achingly private, but Rajni's face lit up in complete pleasure. Shelby paused in her thoughts to look at the large, clear smile that spread over Rajni's face, her dark eyes twinkling warmly in merriment. Her friend was remarkably pretty when she looked so. Shelby remembered just in time that telling another female, especially a friend, that they looked very pretty, but only when they smiled, was something that landed directly on the list of things her mother had told her was inappropriate (and there was indeed an actual, physcial, list, several pages long and added to all the time).

"I'm so happy for you Shelby," Rajni replied sincerely, taking Shelby by surprise. She smiled hesitantly at her friend and continued up the stairs. "You keep checking the time on your phone, are you expecting him to call?" Rajni asked in curiosity, when Shelby looked at her phone for the seventh time since they first began to ascend the stairs. Shelby swallowed and thrust the phone into her bag abruptly.

"I had been... hoping... to run into Penn on the stairs today, and as we have not, I was checking to see if he had messaged me to explain his absence in the stairwell," Shelby spoke rapidly, refusing to look at Rajni, convinced she had just revealed a major weakness. Rajni merely hummed in agreement and Shelby felt a little more settled, inwardly relieved and pleased that her friend deemed this behavior normal and appropriate.

Rajni grasped her arm again, halting her on the stairway between the third and fourth floors. She released Shelby as soon as her wide blue eyes locked on Rajni's own dark ones. "Shel," Rajni began, her voice careful, "Why not simply message him and ask? You obviously want to know." Shelby stood stock still and licked her lips in worry. "Is that... is that _appropriate_?" Shelby responded anxiously. Rajni smiled gently at her and nodded.

"He's your main squeeze! It's your duty to know where your man is, and what he is doing!" Rajni exclaimed. Shelby's mouth twitched as she forced herself to refrain from snapping at her friend that Penn was neither an object that she squeezed, nor a human male that she owned as property, making both of those statements completely ridiculous. Shelby withdrew her phone, gathering the general sentiment of Rajni's words, regardless of the poor way they were delivered: texting one's beau was perfectly normal.

Rajni hovered closer to Shelby, watching with interest as Shelby typed out her message.

_You must immediately explain your absence in the stairwell this evening_.

"Shelby! No!" Rajni cried in disapproval. Shelby rapidly withdrew her finger from above the send button on her phone's screen and turned panicked eyes to Rajni. "Is this not acceptable? Why ever not?!" Shelby exclaimed, her tones rising in urgency. Rajni snatched the phone from her and deleted the message immediately. When the screen was blank, she thrust the phone back into Shelby's hands.

"Try not to sound like you are angry or demanding information from him! Infuse some _emotion _into it!" Rajni responded hurriedly. Shelby took a deep, steadying, breath and looked down at the phone. She rapidly tapped in her next message, not daring to send it until Rajni approved it.

_I am curious as to why I did not meet you in the stairwell this evening. I am unhappy with you for not being here._

"Shelby, for pity's sake..." Rajni said, her voice soft but exasperated upon reading the message. She deleted this message as well and held the phone for a moment, before handing it back to Shelby.

"This was better, but you still sound hard and angry," Rajni explained, tipping her head a little to meet Shelby's averted gaze. She put a hand back on Shelby's wrist, comfortingly. Shelby resisted the urge to yank her arm back, absurdly comforted by the gesture. _I'm going soft_, she thought. She was finding the complexities of conversing with a male paramour via text message perplexing and not a little stressful.

"Shelby, tell me, first, how do you feel about not seeing Penn yesterday after work or hearing from him at all yesterday evening, and then also not seeing him today?" Rajni asked quietly. Shelby glared briefly at Rajni, but was unable to keep the expression on her face. She fidgeted briefly, her eyes darting everywhere.

"I did not and do not like it, and don't wish to prolong the experience, nor ever go through it again," Shelby said simply. She sucked in a huge breath and thought, _in for a penny, in for a pound._ "It has not been very long at all since we last saw each other, but even this short absence is unpleasant," Shelby muttered, now looking down at her feet.

Rajni sighed, an almost wistful sound. "Oh Shel, you miss him!" She said in sweet-natured awe. Shelby looked up to Rajni's dark eyes quickly and swallowed, nodding briefly. "Then tell him that! I'm sure he misses you and would enjoy hearing it from you!" Rajni insisted, shoving the phone back in Shelby's hands. Shelby nearly dropped the device, as she was reeling from what Rajni had suggested.

_Surely such a serious breach of my own emotional defenses is not what this situation demands?_ She thought worriedly. Shelby tucked the phone into her bag and continued up the stairs, with a curt shake of her head. There was no way she could see herself clear to opening herself up like that, especially via text message.

Behind her, Rajni made a slight disappointed noise, obviously not pleased with Shelby's inability to display such softness to Penn, even via text message. Shelby didn't look back and simply marched to her door, producing her keys, unlocking the door, and walking into the apartment quickly. Rajni trailed after her and neither of them said anything as they divested themselves of keys, bags, purses, and coats. Shelby went into the washroom and performed her after-work cleaning ritual, a little more distractedly than normal as she processed her inordinately jumbled thoughts.

She enjoyed making Penn happy, she enjoyed seeing him smile, and she supposed that even making him happy from a distance was an enjoyment. _Admit it, Cooper, you do miss him_, she argued with herself. Shelby withdrew her phone from the pocket of her Wednesday pants (beige khaki) and opened a message to Penn before she could stop herself.

_I did not see you on the stairs today. I found this an unpleasant and disappointing experience. Does this please you?_

She stood anxiously in the bathroom, staring at the screen, awaiting his response.

_I'm never 'pleased' to disappoint you! I miss you, too :)_

Shelby sighed in relief, her bones and muscles feeling momentarily like gelatin with the power of the feeling.

S: _I am pleased to hear that._

P: _I got called in early today, didn't want to disturb you at work by texting earlier_.

S: _I appreciate the consideration. I would further appreciate that you continue to message me as you see fit throughout the evening. It is a welcome distraction._

_P: You have a way with words :)_

_S: I merely used the appropriate words required to convey my thoughts and sentiments; while my mental lexicon is certainly outside of the normal realm of modern conversation, I can assure you that I am not attempting to have my way with my words._

_P: lol - have I mentioned that I love the way your mind works? _

Shelby felt a blush of pleasure spreading across her skin.

_S: You have, twice before this. I am sure you are aware of the physical response that statement evokes in me. I must say that it seems unfair to produce this reaction in me while you are not physcially present yourself._

_P: you're killing me here, Shel. Want to stay up until 2am? I'll be physically present then ;)_

S: _That would be an egregious breach of my personal schedule, not to mention my REM cycle, Penn. I'm afraid it is entirely out of the question._

_P: No harm in asking ;) Let me know if you change your mind... otherwise I'll be waiting in the stairwell to meet you tomorrow after work. I'll definitely be physically present._

"Shelby?" Rajni's voice came tentatively from the hallway, and Shelby jerked up from her phone, suddenly aware that they had been texting for over 15 minutes. The worry in Rajni's voice was absolutely warranted, as far as Shelby was concerned, and she flushed hotly.

"Umm, everything is fine! I apologize for my long absence! I'll be right out!" Shelby called back in a startled and strangled voice. She heard Rajni mutter something in return, her voice fading as she walked down the hallway towards the living room.

Shelby swiftly typed _I look forward to it_ and then pocketed her phone and moved to the sink, splashing some water on her face and running cold water over the pulse points on her wrists. She cooled herself down and patted her face and hands dry with a small towel. When she emerged from the bathroom, she found Rajni sitting impatiently on the couch, flicking through the channels on the TV at a rapid pace.

"I texted Penn and shared my emotions regarding his absence this evening," Shelby blurted, the second she dropped down into her spot, feeling her face flush again, immediately. Rajni dropped the television remote into her lap in surprise. "And?" She asked interestedly, leaning towards Shelby eagerly. Shelby felt a small smile break across her face. "He reciprocated my feelings and complimented me twice," she said quickly. Rajni swooned in her chair, clasping her hands beneath her chin.

"Oh Shelby, this is beautiful!" Rajni cooed. Shelby smiled once more and then reined in her glee. "We are very far off track for Comic Book Night," Shelby stated, getting to her feet briskly and glancing at her watch. "We should have been at Souplantation by now! I'm incredibly hungry, no thanks to all your jibber jabber in the stairwell!" Shelby said briskly. Rajni rolled her eyes and got to her feet. "Let's go then, it's obvious you're getting hangry," she said in mock seriousness. Shelby paused in the act of slinging her purse across her body.

"Rajni," she began, her lips twisting in mild displeasure, "I've told you multiple times that 'hangry' is not a real word and should not be used as one." They walked out the door again, and Shelby closed and locked it. "And I've told you that it is a word: it means being hungry and being angry because you are hungry," Rajni retorted from behind her. Shelby turned from the door and shot a look of exasperation at her friend, before beginning down the stairs.

"Rajni, while, linguistically speaking, a portmanteau word is considered acceptable, the word 'hangry' is still not a genuine member of the English language," Shelby explained patiently as they descended the stairs. Rajni sighed.


	18. Chapter 18

***** Aaaaanggsssttttt, because, why not? Oh yes, and I still own nothing! ******

That night, laying in bed, all Shelby could think about was Penn, and her reactions to him. She shifted irritably under her covers, squirming to readjust her position on her mattress. She and Rajni had proceeded to have a mostly uneventful night, the only items to tarnish their routine being Hailey and Lenore's absence. Lenore remained working inordinately late, and Hailey was tied up with assisting her mother get to and from a bingo game.

She had enjoyed her usual order of creamy tomato soup at Souplantation, with a side of cesar salad, a slice of garlic bread, and a tall glass of cold iced tea, her thoughts drifting frequently to Penn as she chewed. Rajni chatted throughout the entire meal, except when their male server approached the table, but Shelby honestly, despite her eidetic memory, could not recall a word her friend had said.

Their trip to the comic book store was successful as well. Shelby had been unable to find a new comic she wanted, but came across a new t-shirt in the store's tiny clothing section. The shirt was dark blue and depicted Darth Vader knocking on someone's door, saying "Excuse me, Sir. Do you have a moment to talk about the Dark Side?" Shelby was immensely tickled by this shirt and had immediately brought it to the register for Stacy, the store owner, to ring through for purchase. She had worried that if she left it, the only one in her size would be snatched up quickly by someone else.

At home, after the busy night, she and Rajni had played some Halo, with some online acquaintances, instead of with Lenore and Hailey, which Shelby tolerated only because she had no other choice. When Rajni left, she had parted with encouraging words: "Text him goodnight, he'll be waiting for it; it'll make his night."

Shelby dazedly went through her nightly pre-bed routines and then climbed into bed, Wednesday pajamas comfortably wrapped around her body. She texted Penn "Goodnight", as Rajni had instructed. His response was delayed by almost ten minutes, during which Shelby was wracked with self-doubt and called herself many nasty names, and had some extremely unkind thoughts about Rajni for her terrible advice. When her phone bleeped softly from her bedside, the light on the screen illuminating her dark bedroom, she reached for it so swiftly that she knocked her glass of water off the nightstand, spilling it's contents on the floor.

She ignored the impulse to immediately clean the spilled water and swiped the phone screen. Penn's message appeared, bright in it's blue bubble.

_Have a good sleep. Just an FYI, I'll be home by 2 tonight ;) _

Shelby tittered quietly to herself and then immediately put her phone down, before she did something stupid, like agree to meet him at that ungodly hour. Sensing that the spilled water had by now already created black mold under her floorboards, Shelby sprang to her feet and flicked the bedroom light back on. The next ten minutes were spent mopping up the water, cleaning the floor, spraying it to prevent mold growth, and then wrenching her bedroom window open to allow the chemical odor permeating the room, from the cleaners and the spray, to dissapate.

Shelby took her water glass to the kitchen and rinsed it in the sink, before washing it by hand and placing it on the drying rack. She jumped and spun around when Lenore entered the apartment. Her friend appeared disheveled and drunk. This assumption was confirmed when she moved around the kitchen island to stand a few feet from her roommate.

"Good lord, Lenore, you smell like a brewery!" Shelby exclaimed, "Where have you been? You can't possibly have been at work! Last I checked, the university did not serve beer door-to-door." Lenore kicked her shoes off, and Shelby flinched, listening as each one landed with a thump at different points in the room. _All that flying filth_, she thought in dismay. Lenore roughly pushed past her, dropping her bag, purse, and coat in thumps, leaving a trail of disorder in her wake.

Shelby bent to pick them up, but Lenore's indignant voice slurred loudly from the kitchen, "For a genius, you're pretty fucking stupid!" Shelby jumped, straightening herself quickly. Her face twitched into a quick expression of hurt, before she forcefully pulled on a calm, stoic one. "Lenore, your language, please -" Shelby began. Lenore made an angry face at her and rounded the island quickly, to stand in front of Shelby. She was swaying on her feet, but pointed a determined finger in Shelby's face nonetheless.

"I went to a bar, ok? I went to a bar and got _drunk_," Lenore paused and giggled, before glaring again. "I was a perfectly happy, geeky little gal before he showed up, you know!" Shelby cleared her throat, completely at a loss for the social protocol of this situation. _What should one do when one's best friend is drunk and angry, swearing and name-calling?_ She thought she might pose this to her mother on their weekly Friday chat.

"You realize that Penn's decision to select me as a possible partner was never a choice between yourself and myself, right? He didn't choose me over you, it's not a contest that you lost, nor does it reflect badly on you. Human attraction is a subject much studied and despite several fairly convincing arguments, has never been officially and completely 'figured out'," Shelby said, her tone even and clear, no emotion leaking into her words. Lenore pressed her lips together and looked away.

"Shelby," Lenore began, and Shelby tilted her head inquiringly. "Yes?" She responded. Lenore weaved a little to one side and her glare deepened. "Shut the hell up, would you?" Again, a pang of hurt moved through Shelby's stomach. Lenore's drunkenness was most unbecoming, and although Shelby had adequate experience with the cruelties a drunk could verbally inflict on those around them (thanks to her father), she was finding this scenario difficult to handle with any degree of composure.

"Everything's _sooo_ easy for Shelby!" Lenore said in a mocking voice, each word slurred into the next, "Shelby's the smartest! Shelby's the prettiest! Shelby's the tidiest! Shelby saves money better than I do! Our friends like Shelby better! Every man in the universe stares at Shelby!" Shelby licked her lips and backed away from Lenore, moving around the back of the couch and heading through the archway into their hallway.

"That's enough, Lenore!" Shelby said in a firm voice, glad for the dim lights in the living room, so that Lenore couldn't see the tears that were currently blurring Shelby's vision. Lenore stood in the living room, looking small and vicious, but somehow pathetic and sad simultaneously. Shelby knew her friend was drunker than she had ever been in her entire life, but the knowledge didn't make this encounter easier to bear. "I just follow in your wake, don't I? I always will, if I don't put a stop to it right now," Lenore said lifting her chin determinedly. Shelby took an involuntary step towards her.

"Lenore, please, you must go to bed, every word you speak is under the influence of copiuos amounts of alcohol and you will regret not halting this tirade now -" Shelby urged her friend, trying to keep her tone calm. Lenore stepped towards Shelby, pointing a finger at her.

"We aren't friends anymore!" Lenore declared dramatically, trying to put a hand on her hip but losing her balance and stumbling sideways into one of the stools at the island. She steadied herself and glared at Shelby. "I'll stay your roommate, for now, because it makes sense financially, but I'm not gonna be your friend anymore! I will stand in no one's shadow and I'm tired of you hogging up everything without even trying! You're a goddamn freak, Shelby, and one day everyone will know and then who'll be prettier, huh?" Shelby felt her jaw drop, before she snapped her mouth shut, clenching her teeth against the hurtful thing Lenore had just said.

She turned her back on Lenore, striding over to the kitchen counter and bracing both of her hands against the edge of it. She didn't respond, and felt a tear trickle down her cheek as she listened to Lenore bumble off down the hallway, first into the bathroom, then into her bedroom, slamming her door hard. Shelby could hear Lenore thumping around in her room, cursing drunkenly, and then finally everything was silent. She stood in the dim and now-silent kitchen and replayed every detail of this horrible encounter through her mind.

_You're a goddamn freak, Shelby._

Shelby moved to the couch and sat down, resting her elbow on the arm of the couch and resting her forehead in her hand. She was torn completely in two. Lenore was her friend, her first friend, her best friend, and Shelby was deeply wounded. She felt compelled to want to fix this, to smooth this situation over, so that they could continue on with being friends.

Shelby thought about Rajni, her earnest, sweet, friendly, and inquisitive personality. Rajni was not envious by nature, and took genuine pleasure from the joys of her friends lives, in addition to her own. Hailey was silly, loud, impulsive, and at times overbearing, but always rooted for her friends, in all their endeavors. _Why can't Lenore be happy for me?_ Shelby felt another tear drip down her face.

Her other two friends, from a logical standpoint, were much more deserving of loyalty and friendship, than Lenore was. Lenore who was quick to embarrass or denigrate Shelby in public, but seemed to enjoy spending time with her at home and in private.

Lenore who came from such a loveless home and craved approval, acceptance, and affection from her friends so badly as a result. Shelby knew her feelings of loyalty and protectiveness for Lenore were driven by human nature - her sad eyes, constant self-doubt, and lonely childhood made Shelby want to ensure that Lenore was satisfied and happy in her life now.

_You're a goddamn freak, Shelby._

Shelby shook her head to herself. There was no use trying to rationalize this, to explain away the horrible hurt she felt in her chest as a result of Lenore's words. She wanted comfort so badly, and her hand itched towards her phone, tempted to phone her mother, despite the late hour. She paused, fingers wrapped lightly over the phone. _No, not her_, Shelby thought. She knew who she wanted to talk to, who she wanted to have comfort her. She pressed a button on her phone and squinted against the brightness of the time, as it flashed across the screen. _I can't yet, but soon._

Shelby got to her feet and quietly gathered together a few items. Having a plan in mind helped her bury some of the hurt as she prepared to wait.


	19. Chapter 19

***** I'm still here, owning nothing *****

Penn dragged himself up the multiple flights of stairs, his back and feet aching. Tonight had been incredibly busy for a weeknight, and he wondered how all those young 'professionals' could possibly get any work done the next day after getting hammered the night before. When he reached the fourth floor, he paused in amazement. Sitting on the floor, resting up against his door, was Shelby. She had a small bag next to her, and was wearing a robe and slippers.

He stared at her a little longer, enjoying the moment because she had fallen asleep. Her face was soft and peaceful, ridiculously beautiful to him. Moving a little closer, he knelt down at her side and reached a hand out to touch her shoulder.

"Shelby, wake up," he said quietly. She started awake, legs and arms flailing, eyes wide. "Danger! Danger!" She cried hoarsely. Penn knelt back on his heels, startled at her method of been awoken. He fought hard to keep the smile of his face. Shelby blinked and took him in, and immediately calmed down.

"Penn," she said with genuine pleasure, "I'm so glad you're home." He smiled at her and helped her up. "I gotta say, Shel, I'm a little surprised you're out here," he commented, digging his keys out of his pocket, "I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy, but you didn't have to... you know I wasn't really serious that you had to come wait for me, you know?"

Shelby's face fell and she took a step away from him, gripping the handles of her bag to her chest. "I apologize, I did not understand the joke, then," she said stiffly, her eyes moving quickly away from his gaze. She retreated a step and nodded to herself, "I will return to my bed, please don't hold this behavior against me."

Penn reached for her, realizing only now, that she wasn't slumped in exhaustion against his door tonight because she was looking for a booty-call. There was something legitimately wrong. He felt like he was failing his first opportunity to provide her with a pleasant, non-physical experience in their strange relationship.

"Shelby, stop, that's not what I meant," he said quickly. She turned back to him, her eyes cautious. "I just meant I hoped I hadn't pressured you into something you didn't want to do," he explained. Shelby drew herself up a little, again achieving a regal stature in an absurd setting. "Nobody can pressure me into anything; I always come to my own conclusions based on careful observations and sound decision-making skills," she told him. He smiled at her and watched her give him a small, shy smile in return.

He leaned in and kissed her gently on her mouth. "What's wrong, Shelby?" He asked her quietly, mere inches from her face. Her eyes turned up to his quickly and he immediately wrapped an arm around her shoulders at the expression he saw in them, drawing her towards himself, and then through his door, once he had it unlocked. He took her bag and put it on the table next to the door, before leading her to the couch. She sat down and he sat next to her. Carefully he reached out and took her hands in his own,

He was momentarily distracted by the feeling of her soft fingers in his warm hand. He looked up at her and saw that her eyes were shiny, although he knew she would rather eat a mud-pie then cry in front of him. "It's Lenore," Shelby said quietly. Penn felt a true ripple of displeasure and irritation run through him at the short physicist's name. Shelby continued on in a small voice, explaining the events of the evening. Penn got to his feet when Shelby concluded the tale, her pained emphasis on Lenore's cruel parting words, "You're a goddamn freak, Shelby", made him very angry.

"I'm really sorry, Shel, she's a shitty friend, and a bitch," Penn told her, moving into the kitchen to grab them some bottles of water. He was furious for her and resisting the urge to go yell at Lenore, to get it through her thick, uncomprehending head that he was never going to be interested in her, never had been and never would have been, even if Shelby hadn't existed. He didn't want Shelby to see his face right now; he was worried she would somehow take his emotions as something directed at herself.

He calmed himself and returned to the couch, handing her the water, which she simply gripped in her hands. "She's my best friend," Shelby said to him, her eyes beseeching him to understand, "She was my first friend." Penn felt his brow draw down in confusion. "You mean in Pasadena?" He asked, to clarify. Shelby shook her head.

"Lenore was your first friend, ever?" He asked in amazement. Shelby's cheeks flushed a light pink, something he would have typically been entranced by, wondering if the blush appeared on other parts of her body, as well. She shrugged awkwardly. "Yes, unless you count my twin, although I never do because we are hardly acquaintances, at best, given our differences," she replied. Penn blinked, an image of two Shelbys filling his mind. _Dear god_, he thought distractedly.

"You have a twin?" He asked in further astonishment. Shelby nodded, waving a disinterested hand at him. "Yes, a brother, Matthew," she told him. Penn smiled at that, the image of two Shelbys disappearing as swiftly as it had arrived. "Shelby, Lenore is a bad friend, she's obviously got a lot of baggage, a lot of problems, and is jealous of you," Penn explained earnestly. Shelby turned her tired eyes up to his.

"As much as it pains me to admit this, she hurt my feelings tonight, and although I have encountered all manner of bullies at all stages of my life thus far, I am at a loss as to how I should cope. She is my friend and I would never say something so cruel to her," Shelby told him, her lips turning down into a frown.

"Shelby, you are not a freak," Penn said calmly. By the way her shoulders and neck seemed to relax, and the way she momentarily closed her eyes, he knew he had said the right thing, the thing she needed to hear right now.

"You are wonderful, unique, beautiful inside and definitely beautiful on the outside; you are not a freak," he repeated adamantly. Shelby nodded and took a deep breath.

"I think at this point, given that I have spent half my night wallowing in the filth on the ground outside your door, I can throw all caution to the wind," her voice was matter-of-fact and he tilted his head while he looked at her, unsure of her meaning. Shelby gave him a meaningful look.

"I don't know if I'm doing this right, but I will attempt it anyways," she spoke so determinedly, he wouldn't have been surprised if she told him she was going off to battle a dragon with her bare hands.

"I don't understand -" Penn started, but Shelby leaned a little closer to him and interrupted. "May we spend the next several minutes engaging in cuddling? I believe the normal response after one experiences the kind of disruption and upset I have tonight, is to seek out physical contact in the form of a hug, especially from one's romantic partner," she spoke as if she was terrified he would say no, but equally afraid he would say yes.

In response, he reached for her and carefully pulled her towards himself. Moving slowly and smoothly, he stretched out on the couch and Shelby lay along the length of him, between him and the back of the couch. He wrapped his arms around her and she lay against his chest, her head resting below his collarbone. She was as stiff as a board, and he worried that perhaps he had moved too quickly, and into an embrace that was too much for her.

He held perfectly still for several minutes, not moving, barely breathing, until he felt her slowly relaxing into him. She gave a tiny contented sigh and he felt one of her hands rest against his chest, her fingers curling into his shirt and holding there. It was warm, comfortable, and _right_, as far as he was concerned. Time passed easily, slipping away in the silence of the room and it wasn't until he woke up that he realized they had both fallen asleep.

Shelby was a little more sprawled against him and her face was decidedly contented as she slept snuggled into his chest. He tentatively brushed a hand down her hair and then gently over the side of her face. _This_, he thought, _I could get used to this_. Without another thought, he moved carefully, scooping her up into his arms and walking steadily and slowly into his bedroom. He lay her down on the bed, removed her slippers and, with baited breath, terrified he'd wake her and she'd flee like a cornered rabbit, he removed her heavy robe.

When he had her tucked beneath the blankets, he contemplated sliding into bed next to her. He ached with longing, imagining the comfort of holding her to him while he slept. Ultimately though, he grabbed a pillow and a blanket and moved to the couch, sensing that it would be too much for her to wake up to, that it would cross a line they weren't ready to reach yet.

As he got comfortable on the couch, he congratulated himself on doing a good job, on being a good boyfriend. He knew he wouldn't win any awards for being a great boyfriend in any of his past relationships, and despite his obvious infatuation with Shelby, he had acted honorably and comfortingly tonight, not because he had to, but because he genuinely wanted to comfort her; he hated to see her upset. He wondered what that meant for him, and for her, long term, but wasn't able to dwell on the thought, as he drifted off to sleep.


End file.
